According to The Blast, Naya Rivera has probably given her lawyer a case of déjà-vu by filing for divorce from her estranged husband Ryan Dorsey for the second time. Naya filed for divorce in Los Angeles on Tuesday, citing “irreconcilable differences.” She’s asking for joint legal and physical custody of their 2-year-old son Josey, and has also requested the judge block both of them from getting spousal support.
Naya lists the date of separation as November 24th, 2017. That’s one day before she was arrested and charged with domestic battery for beating on Ryan during a Thanksgiving weekend walk. So she claims they broke up on Black Friday? That’s probably not the first time someone has decided to break up on Black Friday. “You really think I’m lining up at 4am for a damn Roku player? Yeah, this isn’t going to work.”
Naya and Ryan dated two different times. Naya filed to end her two year long marriage in November 2016, but called it off two months ago. And now she’s filed for divorce a second time. It feels like the number two is a theme for these two (no pun intended). If that’s the case, I really hope the two-theme ends with this second divorce filing. Because I’m sure Naya doesn’t want to spend the next family holiday in a police station. But maybe just ho ho hold up on the spiked egg nog this Christmas, just in case, Naya.
If you need an appropriate soundtrack to this story, might I suggest the cast of Glee performing “Blame It On The Alcohol.” Apparently that’s what is to blame for Naya Rivera’s recent domestic battery arrest.
Over Thanksgiving weekend, Naya Rivera was arrested for allegedly attacking her on-and-off husband Ryan Dorsey during a family walk in West Virginia. The 911 call Ryan made the night of the incident has been released. According to West Virginia’s WSAZ-3, Ryan claimed his wife was “out of control” and that she was getting physical with him.
Santana must have taken Emma Roberts’ “Keeping Him In Line Via Psychotic Violence“ class down at the Learning Annex. Glee actress and moderately successful Kim Kardashian face replicator Naya Rivera was arrested and charged with domestic battery last night in West Virginia. Naya and her husband Ryan Dorsey appear to be together this week, and he says that she started slapping him around while they were taking their two-year-old son Josey for “a walk down the street,” according to WSAZ. That lucky child now has a heart-warming new memory with which to recall the holiday season. “Remember the time Mommy tuned up on Daddy in the middle of the street after Thanksgiving?”
After being married for a little over two years, Naya Rivera doesn’t want to be married to Pitch cast-member (job upgrade!) Ryan Dorsey anymore. Naya’s first fiancé Big Sean totally just made a look that says, “Oh yeah, didn’t see that one coming.”
TMZ says that Naya filed for divorce last week and she’s asking for primary physical custody of their 1-year-old son Josey Dorsey, with visitation rights for Ryan. Reps for Naya and Ryan released a standard celebrity split statement about the whole thing.
“After much consideration, we have made the decision to end our marriage. Our priority is and always will be our beautiful son that we share together. We will continue to be great co-parenting partners for him. We ask for respect and privacy for our family during this difficult time.”
If we’re going on Naya’s version of “privacy“, then expect it to be a matter of time before she takes this “private” matter to Twitter, and Instagram, and Snapchat, and an episode of Ellen, and anywhere else she can get a little attention. That statement says nothing about what made Naya decide to file for divorce. My guess is she was sick and tired of Ryan panicking every time she leaned in too close to a candle and started screaming about how plastic is flammable. That kind of bummer energy can really kill the mood.
When Naya Rivera, the result of a Dollar General JLo doll and 99 Cent Store Kim Kardashian doll melting together in the sun, commits to Kim Kartrashian and JLo impersonations, the bitch really commits to Kim Kartrashian and JLo impersonations. Three months after she broke off her engagement to Big Sean, the swap meet Kanye to her swap meet Kim, Naya married an actor type named Ryan Dorsey in Cabo San Lucas on July 19th. Does this mean that Naya and Big Sean’s relationship was a fraud wrapped in lies wrapped in a PR stunt and she was doing this Ryan Dorsey trick behind-the-scenes the entire time?! I don’t know, but I do know that Naya is 27 years old, so she better spend her honeymoon filing annulment papers, because she needs to move onto the next husband if she wants to keep up with her face and life inspirations.
People (who can now list “Publishing those Naya Rivera wedding pictures” under charity contributions on their tax return) got the EXCLUSIVO pictures of Naya and Ryan getting one step closer to becoming divorced exes. Naya and Ryan got married on the beach in Cabo in front of a small group of family and friends who sat there while thinking to themselves, “I really hope this isn’t a shot gun situation, because I don’t want to waste my money on a wedding AND a baby gift for these two wrecks.” Naya wore a dress by Monique Lhuillier and a face by DuPont.
I’m sure that just like the melted plastic water bottles that she injects into her face, Naya and Ryan’s love will last for eternity and never disintegrate. Naya and Ryan shat out this statement of words about their wedding to People:
“We feel truly blessed to be joined as husband and wife. Our special day was fated and everything we could have ever asked for.”
And if you didn’t think this wedding could be more of a troll wedding, they had to spit out this hilarious dingle, “True love always prevails.” Let me fix that for you, Naya: “Fame whoring always prevails.” Better!
IN THIS ECONOMY, I don’t blame Naya for marrying her rebound. Naya was supposed to marry Big Sean, so she probably already bought the dress and booked the venue, the flowers, the DJ, the photographer, the food and already tipped the paparazzi off. Why let all of that go to waste?! Naya will lose a job, a record contract and her original face, but she refuses to let go of her wedding deposits!
You can’t really tell what Ryan Dorsey’s face looks like in the picture above, so here’s some pictures of his “hybrid of Ryan Phillippe and Adam Brody with a drop of Jared Padalecki” face and more importantly, his nipples.