Duchess Meghan Markle and Prince Harry may be making a detour to Mexico on their way to their honeymoon to visit Meghan’s dad Thomas Markle. Thomas lives in Rosarito, Mexico, so it’s kind of out of their way since they reportedly will be honeymooning in Namibia. I hope that’s an amphibious car!
Whenever I feel every kind of pathetic while cuddling and whispering sweet nothings into my DIY Prince Hot Ginge Real Doll (read: a white body pillow covered with orange Sharpie-made freckles, the scent of vodka, and topped with an orange yarn mop and bottomed with a carrot dildo), I’m going to think of the way-too-grown-for-this-shit men who once again (I think they did this with Princess Charlotte and Prince George) stood outside of the Lindo Wing with nightmare-inducing royal baby dolls for 15 days while waiting for Duchess Kate to give birth. Okay, no, I’m still more pathetic than them.
Queen Elizabeth II is 91 years old, and no 91-year-old needs to keep working at that age. They should be gobbling scones and binging on East Enders reruns on their couch. The Queen has decided that it’s time to give up her job as the Head of the Commonwealth, and according to The Telegraph, it’s going to her first son, Prince Charles. As expected.
Spanish royals: They’re just like us! They too get into awkward, pursed-lips fights with their family members on Easter as your cousin films it all hoping that fists will fly because he’s always wanted to be on World Star. But instead of a cousin filming the Spanish royal tiff on Easter Sunday, the press did. Remind me to ask my mom how to say, “How uncouth!“, in Spanish.
THE QUEEN of England would never allow the cameras to capture a messy family scene. If she has a problem with a family member (mostly Prince Charles), she waits until the cameras are gone until she gives him 50 lashes with her pocketbook. But LA REINA of Spain (aka Queen Letizia, who is in the polka dot blouse) doesn’t give half a caca about people seeing a messy moment between her and her mother-in-law.
As we’ve heard throughout the years, the name Camilla Parker Bowles apparently sends THE QUEEN running down the halls of Buckingham Palace with her corgis if she hears her approaching, per a new book. The Daily Mail has another excerpt from Tom Bower’s upcoming biography on Prince Charles, and it sounds like when he wasn’t waging war with Prince William, he was taking it from his mother. Charles is beginning to sound more like the cuckold of Wales!
In my head, meals with the royal family revolve around whatever THE QUEEN is babbling about (depending on where she is in her daily gin progression) along with Duchess Kate and Meghan Markle throwing verbal daggers at each other, largely focused on which one was able to cause J. Crew’s website to crash that day over her respective coat selection. Alas, the real aggression might not be coming from the commoners. It could be from Prince Charles to his son Prince William. Continue reading