Category: Royals

Duchess Kate And Prince William “Scrambled” To Hide The Title Of A Painting From The Obamas

April 27, 2016 / Posted by:

This morning, Prince Hot Ginge made a thousand British mums cleanse the ears of their children with holy water by saying the word “arse” during an interview on BBC Radio 2, and believe it or not, that’s not the biggest British royal news today. The big British royal news is that before Duchess Kate and Prince William hosted President Obama and Michelle Obama in their Ballard Designs-looking ass sitting room at Kensington Palace, they hid a plaque that they thought would offend their American guests.

The Sun (via The Mirror) says that below the painting behind Duchess Kate and Michelle Obama in the picture above is a plaque with the title on it. The title of the painting is “The Negro Page.” Not one of Duchess Kate and Prince William’s minions gave it a thought until minutes before President Obama showed up.

Morrissey’s Prince Tribute Is So Morrissey

April 25, 2016 / Posted by:

Morrissey posted a written tribute to Prince on his fan site True-To-You, and being the cat lover he is, you’d think that he’d slap at Jehovah’s Sexiest Witness for tearin’ up so many pussies. But Morrissey applauded Prince for not eating animal stuff. Morrissey was also mad that in England, Prince’s death was overshadowed by THE QUEEN’s 90th birthday extravaganza. Morrissey’s Prince tribute isn’t so much a Prince tribute as it is slap down against the British royals. It’s as if Morrissey got on the stage and said, “I am here to pay tribute to the beloved Prince,” before pulling out a replica of THE QUEEN’s crown and then shitting on it. It’s 100% Morrissey, it’s 100% messy and I love it. You really can’t spell Morrissey without M-E-S-S-Y. It’s after the cut.

Open Post: Hosted By Prince George Graciously Greeting His American Fans

April 22, 2016 / Posted by:

President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama are in England now, because before they leave office, they wanted to use their connections to meet the future King of England who will probably use his powers to take back the United States in 60 years. Prince George lives a hectic life and he somehow managed to squeeze in a quick meet-and-greet with POTUS and FLOTUS in between his pre-bedtime shiatsu massage and his goodnight ritual (aka talking on the phone with his memaw THE QUEEN to discuss his plan to eventually takeover the colonies when the crown becomes his!).

You can tell that Prince George is shaking POTUS’ hand while saying, “I’m sorry, ‘ol chap, but I must retreat to my bed chambers to continue working on my plans to make your little country all mine. Cheerio!” I know, I should be scared of Prince George’s eventual worldwide domination, but I’m too busy awww-ing over that widdle monogwammed bathwobe!

After POTUS and FLOTUS paid their respects to the future King of England (and the United States), they met up with Prince Hot Ginge for dinner at Kensington Palace. I can’t wait to see the pictures of the Obamas looking all twisted up while stumbling out of Kensington Palace at 4am after doing Fireball body shots and dancing to EDM with PHG.

Pics: Instagram, Splash

Where Were The Corgis??

April 21, 2016 / Posted by:

In case you didn’t already know, today is THE QUEEN’s 90th birthday. If I was THE QUEEN and it was my birthday, and I was turning 90, I’d spend the whole day spread out like a starfish on the comfiest couch at Buckingham Palace in my best muumuu, watching whatever the British equivalent of Family Feud is, and holler at my lady-in-waiting to top up my teacup with earl grey-flavored vodka. But since THE QUEEN is THE QUEEN for a reason, she did what she always does.

Queen Elizabeth II got all dolled up in her 90th birthday best and strolled around waving to her subjects with the top-tier members of her crew, Prince Philip and her pocketbook. Apparently Queen Elizabeth’s version of birthday best is a long green coat, some sensible shoes, and a hat that looks like it was made during a cake decorating class at Michaels. Speaking of cakes, some random person in the crowd made her a birthday cake with a corgi on it. I doubt that’s a picture of one of her corgis, and I highly doubt she ate it. But it’s nice to see that at least one corgi showed up for her birthday.

Crowds gather in Windsor in anticipation of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II's walkabout on the occasion of her 90th birthday

I don’t know what better thing THE QUEEN’s corgis had to do today, but surely it wasn’t more important than celebrating the 90th birthday of their pack leader. Maybe they’re still sore that she passed over them and gave the 4th stamp to Prince George. Those ungrateful little furry footstools. No hand-carved royal roast for you tonight.

Other than the walk and wave, The Queen also attended a beacon lighting ceremony. Wait, that’s it? A 90th birthday merits a little more razzle dazzle than that. Thankfully the day isn’t over yet. There’s still time to round up a bunch of male strippers and mark her birthday with a 21-buns salute.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

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The British Royal Family Gave You Land’s End Catalog Poses During Their “Secret” Ski Vacation

March 7, 2016 / Posted by:

The jealous peasants and the anti-monarchy trash media (THE QUEEN’S got your numbers, The Daily Mail and The Sun) have been hating on Duchess Kate and Prince William for being royal lazies who go on vacation more than they work. So, as their hating subjects rise flaming pitchforks into the sky and threaten to storm the palace (that’s what’s happening, right?), Duchess Lazy and Prince It’s Always Nap Time decided now is the best time to take another holiday. If you were Sookeh Stackhouse and had the fairy power of mind-reading, you’d probably hear Duchess Kate and Prince William rapping the lyrics, “Don’t hate me, hate the money I see, clothes that I buy ice that I wear, clothes that I try, close your eyes,” to themselves as they smiled all happy-like for the camera.

Kensington Palace tweeted out a bunch of pictures of Duchess Kate, Prince William, 2-year-old Prince George and 10-month-old Princess Charlotte on a quick family snow trip to the French Alps last Wednesday. They were only there for a few days and are already gone. The Daily Mail says that on past royal ski trips, the British media and photographers were invited to take pictures. But this time, Duchess Kate and Prince William wanted to keep their kids’ first ski trip on the shush. The Daily Mail thinks they took a private jet, and they only brought one photographer, John Stillwell, with them. John took a few completely natural pictures including this one of Duchess Kate throwing a snowball at Prince William, and Prince William looking like Lindsay Lohan during a sneezing fit.

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I know, these boring and cheesy ass photo-ops are nothing without a naked Prince Hot Ginge photo bombing them in the background. But then again, he’s probably banned from the French Alps because his ginger hotness would melt the snow and flood the town.

The hating bitches who say that Prince William never works and doesn’t do enough royal “smile and waving” engagements can choke on their words. Because Duchess Kate and Prince William work so hard that they even worked during their vacation. They did hard labor (for the royals) by smiling, picking up snowballs and smiling some more. Bitches better slow down before they burn out. I really hope that after this trip, they went on a vacation where they rested up from their vacation.

Pics: WPA Pool/Getty

Ungrateful Workers At Kensington Palace Threaten To Go On Strike Over A Pay Cut!

February 23, 2016 / Posted by:

Shortly after this picture was taken, Prince William and Duchess Kate flew off to Bora Bora where they spent 9 days resting their wrists in a spa because they strained themselves something bad while holding that umbrella and that clutch.

It’s truly hard to find good help who are grateful that they get to be in the presence of royal greatness and won’t bitch about trivial things like paying their bills and feeding their families. Can you believe that there’s people out there who are lucky enough to work for their future King and yet they’re threatening to strike because they may get a pay cut that’ll put them below a living wage? In THE QUEEN’s day, she would’ve punished those ungrateful peasants by turning them into human leather skin jackets for her Corgis to wear.

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