That will probably be the most random headline I write all day.
Rose McGowan is super angry about a billboard she recently saw promoting the film X-Men: Apocalypse. The billboard, which is one of several different ones, shows Oscar Isaac’s character Apocalypse choking out Jennifer Lawrence’s character Mystique. My knowledge of X-Men is limited to the Saturday morning animated series on FOX and whatever I’m able to remember from the time I snuck into X2 after The Lizzie McGuire Movie. So I don’t exactly remember anything about Apocalypse being that type of dude. But regardless of whether he is or not, Rose McGowan isn’t here for a billboard featuring what Rose thinks looks like an act of domestic abuse. A picture of the billboard is after the cut.
Rose McGowan must already be feeling the effects of that big ass lawsuit. Rose is trying to save money by not buying clothes and is going out wearing shirts made of napkins and crib skirts.
Rose’s rep confirms to People that she’s been hit with a multi-million dollar lawsuit from a woman who has apparently been in a bad way and it’s thanks to one of her dogs. TMZ was first to report the sad, shitty news. An 85-year-old woman named Elna Ebner (who may or may not be named after a silent movie star) is suffering from extreme brain damage and has been lying in a bed with 24/7 care after Rose’s dog Mrs. Noodle jumped on her, causing her to fall and crack her head on the cement. Elna says that she and her daughter were on a walk in the Hollywood Hills when Rose’s dog walker approached with Mrs. Noodle and a smaller dog friend.
In news that is the direct opposite of “surprising,” Rose McGowan’s agency shredded her number and kicked her ass out of the exit door for calling out Hollywood’s sexist ways and professional shit maker Adam Sandler in a tweet. Last week, Rose tweeted a casting note for a movie starring an actor whose name rhymes with “Madam Panhandler” and the note asked for auditioning actresses to wear a dark, tight tank top that showed off their tits. The note also said that push-up bras were a plus. I know, the note really shocked us all, because I’m sure we all thought that actresses auditioning for an Adam Sandler movie were only asked to provide a diploma from Juilliard and to prepare three dramatic Shakespearean monologues.
Last night, Rose tweeted that dropping a fart on that casting note got her fired from her agency:
— rose mcgowan (@rosemcgowan) June 25, 2015
But according to Rose, she doesn’t need an agent anymore. In a batshit crazy interview with Defamer that was posted yesterday, she said that she’s done with acting and nobody represents her right now
“A lot of agents aren’t supportive of their talent in any way. Nobody’s understood how to represent me, which is why, other than film publicists, I currently have no representation other than my lawyer. I don’t need it.”
This whole thing is a little confusing. Rose tweeted that she got tossed onto the yellow inflatable exit slide (Never 4Get Steven Slater) last night (June 24). Defamer’s interview with Rose happened before June 24. The Wrap says that Rose was officially let go from her agency, Innovative Artists, on June 24, two days after her agent Sheila Wenzel left the agency. So either dates got mixed up or Rose learned psychic skills while being in that cult. I don’t know, but I do know that we’re probably never ever going to get a long-awaited (by me, and only me, probably) sequel to Jawbreaker, but yet Madam Panhandler still gets paid millions of dollars to squeeze out shit show after shit show. I blame my mom, really, because she once told me that her favorite movie of 2011 was Jack and Jill. Whenever she looks at me sideways for having another drink at dinner, I always say to her, “You told me you loved Jack and Jill. You drove me right to the bottle!“
Last week, stripper elegance hall of famer Rose McGowan threw some not-so-subtle shank eye at Hollywood and an unnamed A-list comedian when she Tweeted a picture of a casting note she was sent. No, it wasn’t a note from some smartass casting director who thought she’d be perfect for an upcoming Michael Jackson biopic. It was this one, asking her to dress like a slutty ninja for an audition with Adam Sandler. Oops, sorry – I mean some random actor whose name rhymes with “Madam Panhandler“.
casting note that came w/script I got today. For real. name of male star rhymes with Madam Panhandler hahahaha I die pic.twitter.com/lCWGTV537t
— rose mcgowan (@rosemcgowan) June 18, 2015
That’s sort of rich coming from the guy who showed up to the photocall for Hotel Transylvania 2 looking like the person version of taking an afternoon nap on the couch. Understand the context, dude – it’s a photocall, not a trip to 7-Eleven to pick up two taquitos and a Bud Light Mixxtail. Sidenote: you know you’re underdressed when Paul Blart Mall Cop put more effort into his outfit than you did.
Obviously, that casting note is gross-adjacent (“Push up bras encouraged” – like, just cut the bullshit and say “Show up with your tits out thanks“), but is Rose McGowan really that surprised? I mean, she knew it was a movie starring Adam Sandler, right? That’s pretty much one of the last names you’d associate with good taste. Not to mention that we don’t know if that casting note was sent to everyone, including David Spade and Rob Schneider. Until I see a picture of Rob Schneider in a pair of leggings and a push-up bra, I choose to reserve all judgement.
Emily The Strange’s daddy Marilyn Manson has a new album out, so he’s hitting the stroll hard and giving a bunch of interviews. Thankfully for the part of your brain that creates visuals, Marilyn has stopped talking about how he needs to keep his panties during sex and has to bust an orgasm at least 5 times a day. But in an interview with Esquire, MM did talk about why Courtney Love was mad at him, and about the time Big Bird’s voice twin Billy Corgan did him a bro solid by warning him about Rose McGowan. I know, this shit is so 90s. Doesn’t it make you want to put on a black crushed velvet choker and a torn fishnet shirt.
“Here they are, y’all! Take a good look, cause you might not get to see ’em for another couple of hours!”
The amfAR Inspiration Los Angeles Gala honoring Tom Ford was held on Wednesday night, and guess who showed up with her tits out? That’s right, everyone’s favorite permanent marker-huffing chipmunk Miley Cyrus! But since the amfAR Gala is some fancy shit, she knew she it would be inappropriate to roll up in a high-cut thong and weed leaf pasties. So instead, she decided to bust open a Sheer Elegance L’eggs, wear them as a shirt, and wrap up her backwoods nipple bits in some black duct tape. Miley is nothing if not a klassy lassy, after all.
THIS is how you do tasteful black tie elegance. Why wear a boring-ass evening gown when you can look like the crazy hillbilly cousin of Leeloo Dallas? Or a slutty futuristic project manager from Blade Runner? Or a waitress at an adults-only murder mystery dinner theater? Or a rejected member of The Black Tape Project (NSFW)? Or a goth figure skater? I could literally go on for hours, but you get the picture. BITCH LOOKS HOT!
And adding to the already dangerously high levels of Appalachian sophistication, Miley brought her gorgeous mom Tish Cyrus as her date. Sadly, Tish didn’t also dress like a slutty BDSM mime; instead, she wore a satin tablecloth and did her hair in a fancy show pony braid. Oh well, next time!
Here’s more of Miley looking like a low-budget Pris Stratton (because you need that in your life), as well as Lea Michele who – SURPRISE SURPRISE – was serving up middle-aged horny cougar realness, Alessandra Ambrosia Salad wearing the Las Vegas showgirl version of Miley’s outfit, and a bunch of boring covered-up hos: