This is one of those times where I wish I had access to a time machine so I could go back and warn Michael K that he might want to get out an iron to press and starch his best mourning veil. Because the dream of seeing Christine “Rojo Caliente” Marinoni working a First Lady wave from a victory parade float has died, at least for right now. Six months after Cynthia Nixon announced she was running for governor of New York, she lost in the Democratic primary to incumbent Andrew Cuomo. I guess the threat of one of Cardi B’s flying shoes just wasn’t enough.
Mrs. Rojo Caliente Vows To Continue To Run For Governor Even Though She Lost The Democratic Party Nom
The blacklist at the admissions office of Heaven just got a lot, lot longer with the names of the evil morons who dared to vote against Cynthia Nixon for governor of New York. A vote against Cynthia Nixon is a vote against Rojo Caliente, and a vote against Rojo Caliente is a vote against everything that is good and holy. Those dumb fucks are going to realize they made a mistake when they end up in Hell and find out that the only thing served in the Ninth Circle cafeteria is Sandra Lee’s Kwanzaa Cake.
As we all know, Cynthia is running for governor of New York against the current governor of New York, Mr. Sandra Lee (aka Andrew Cuomo). I’m not a Citizen of New York anymore and Cynthia isn’t really qualified to be the head of NY, but she still has definitely won my vote for three reasons: 1. She’s married to ginger angel Rojo Caliente. 2. She wants to legalize the good shit there. 3. She’s married to ginger angel Rojo Caliente.
Cynthia has been running as an anti-establishment Democrat, and her message is that New York needs a big change. The New York Democratic Party probably shook with fear over “big change” and continued to show that they’re allergic to shaking shit up by overwhelmingly voting to endorse Cuomo. Who cares about them! Cynthia Nixon has already won the support of Samantha Jones and that’s the only endorsement that matters!
Sarah Jessica Parker should go ahead and add, “Also looking for a neurotic ass ginger who looks good in a business suit,” to the casting ad she’s going to post on Backstage to find a new Samantha, because it doesn’t look like Miranda Hobbes will be available for that third Sex and the City turd that only Carrie and Charlotte want.
As expected, Mrs. Rojo Caliente announced today that she’s going to try to take down Mr. Sandra Lee. Cynthia Nixon is running for Governor of New York against Andrew Cuomo. If you’re a New Yorker and screaming about how you’re sick of famous people running for office when they’ve never really had a job in politics before (see: Antonio Sabato Jr., Stacey Dash, etc…), then I need to tell you that a vote against Cynthia Nixon is a vote against Rojo Caliente becoming First Lady of New York and that is a vote against GOD, pretty much.
We found out last year that the idea of running for the governor of New York has been dancing inside of Cynthia Nixon’s head and that several people have told her to go for it. And in January, Cynthia moved the “rumor” closer to fact when she was asked if she was going to battle it out against the current governor, Mr. Sandra Lee (otherwise known as Andrew Cuomo), for the position of head bitch of New York, and she said, “Maybe.” And now NY1 is hearing that Cynthia is so serious about running that she’s getting her team together. You know, Cynthia Nixon is perfect for the world of politics. She’s used to dealing with petty and catty bitches in overpriced shoes.
We will always have Sex and The City to thank for the divine inspiration that led Michael to gift us with the moniker Rojo Caliente. For that I am thankful. But I, and I think many Americans, have successfully moved the fuck on. And late last year, the hookers of SATC seemed to have come to terms with the end of the road after Kim Cattrall said she couldn’t take it anymore and put the kibosh on a third installment of the movie franchise. I mean, they went down kicking and screaming and clawing each others eyes out, but it seemed like it was safe to toss the dirt on the coffin. Not so fast! Sarah Jessica Parker was on Ellen recently and made it sound as if SATC might have been buried alive.
Stanford Blatch Isn’t Only Holding Carrie Bradshaw’s Fendi Baguette, He’s Using It To Smack At Samantha Jones
All together: THIS AGAIN.
In case you’ve been focusing on more important matters (like doing a study on how long does it really take for paint to dry on a wall) and haven’t been following the war between Kim Cattrall and everyone else from Sex and the City, let me throw it down real quick for you.
The Daily Mail got the messiness started by reporting that Kim’s diva bitch shenanigans and crazy demands were keeping a third Sex and the City movie from terrorizing our senses. Sarah Jessica Parker responded by only saying that a third movie isn’t happening. Kim defended herself by saying that the only demand she made was to not do another movie. Kristin Davis cried about it on Instagram, and Willie Garson (who played Carrie’s gay sidekick Stanford Blatch) popped his head into the shit storm to say that the rumors from The Daily Mail were true. Kim kept on defending herself and talked to smug butt plug in a suit Piers Morgan about the situation. Kim said that SJP could’ve been nicer about her not wanting to do another movie, and she dropped a fart on her ex-castmates for not supporting her decision.
And here we are now, and here’s Stanford Blatch to come at Samantha Jones for a second time.