Category: Rocco Ritchie

Madonna May Have Accepted Defeat In Custody Battle Against Guy Ritchie

March 6, 2016 / Posted by:

Last night in the Open Post, I commended Madonna for being relatively tame, for her, with that almost-teary huff huff she pulled at her concert in Auckland, New Zealand when she dedicated “La Vie en Rose” to her son Rocco Ritchie. Last December, 15-year-old Rocco packed his shit up, put on his headphones to listen to Nicole Scherzinger‘s masterpiece “Don’t Hold Your Breath” and moved his ass in with his dad, Guy Ritchie, in December. I thought Madonna was trying to be more low-key with her attention seeking, but she played me. The Daily Mail is reporting she has allegedly accepted defeat on getting Rocco back. This revelation, of course, happened to be “leaked” on English Mother’s Day. Well, played Madonna.

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Escandalo Alert: Rocco Ritchie Got Caught Smoking!!!

February 8, 2016 / Posted by:

Over the weekend, The Sun posted pictures of 15-year-old Rocco Ritchie smoking a “suspicious-looking cigarette” (which is lawyer of a tabloid talk for “joint“)  with friends in London and it’s all pretty surprising and shocking. I mean, a 15-year-old smoking weed. I thought that many 15-year-olds, especially rich ones, nowadays don’t mess with weed, because it’s amateur shit and they have already moved on to getting high by sticking tampons soaked in liquid meth up their butts. Rocco must be a late bloomer…

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Madonna Thinks Guy Ritchie Is Trying To Brainwash Their Son

February 3, 2016 / Posted by:

Wheee! Isn’t this fun? Say it with me: this is fun. This is fun. More fun than mom. What? Did I say mom? That was weird and totally unintentional.

If reading about Gwyneth Paltrow’s ~so~ perfect relationship with her ex-husband yesterday made you gag and think “God, doesn’t ANYBODY hate their exes anymore?“, I have good news for you. Madonna still hates Guy Ritchie with the fire of 1000 burning anal warts. UsWeekly says Madonna hates him so much, she’s pulled out her pointin’ finger and accused her ex-cunt of trying to brainwash their son, Rocco Ritchie.

Even though a judge ordered him to pack his bags and return to his mama’s house six weeks ago, Rocco is still living with his dad in London, because Rocco doesn’t want shit to do with Madonna. Madonna’s original theory about Runaway Rocco was that Guy had been talking shit about her for years to their son in an attempt to recruit him onto Team Your Mom Sucks. Now she thinks he’s been doing more than just casually rolling his eyes and muttering “wanker” under his breath.

A source close to Madonna says she thinks Guy has been trying to brainwash Rocco before their next custody hearing, which is happening today. Guy has apparently been pushing the hard sell on Rocco by constantly telling him he should be living in London and not with his mom in New York. The source also claims Guy has taken a Kris Jenner approach to education by telling Rocco he can pretty much drop out any time he wants because school is for fools. Madonna isn’t a fan of quitting and wants him to stay in school. Again, she thinks he might be encouraging Rocco to drop out as a form of attempted brainwashing.

As for how Madonna is taking it all, the source says she feels “incredibly hurt” and that the situation is “really horrible.” Basically, on a scale of Desperately Seeking Susan to Shanghai Surprise, it’s a Swept Away.

So to recap: Guy’s brainwashing technique includes aggressively talking trash about Rocco’s mom, isolating Rocco from his mom, and encouraging him to drop out of school. I think the Church of Scientology’s recruitment club just found its latest guest speaker.

Here’s more of Guy and his son (“Son? More like hostage!!!” hollered Madonna) riding around London on their bikes over the weekend.

Pics: Splash

Another Messy Layer Has Been Added To Madonna’s Very Messy Fight With Her Son

January 9, 2016 / Posted by:

And no, I’m not talking about those Rode Hard by Lindsay Lohan hair extensions she’s wearing in the picture above. At least I don’t think hair extensions are one of the reasons for why Madonna is currently going through some custody shit with her 15-year-old son, Rocco Ritchie. So far, we know that Rocco’s hiatus from the queen of the cool moms might have something to do with Madonna’s Instagram account and that she treated him like a trophy and that her house is a macrobiotic hellhole. Now TMZ is saying that Madonna’s busted relationship with her son has a lot to do with Madonna’s busted relationship with her son’s daddy, Guy Ritchie.

Rocco is currently living with his dad in London, which – according to Madonna – is also the headquarters for Guy’s Madonna Is The WORST club. A source says that Madonna believes that Guy has been talking shit about her to Rocco for years, and that’s the reason Rocco started hating her ass. Madonna and Guy started fighting over Rocco shortly after they called it quits back in 2008, and apparently they continued to drag each other via their kid for the past eight years.

Meanwhile, Madonna took a break from posting throwback pics of Rocco on Instagram to talk about the real-life Not Without My Daughter remake (possible title: I Want Nothing To Do With Ma Donna) happening in her life right now. During a concert in Mexico City on Wednesday night, Madonna targeted the muscles in her face responsible for releasing tears and thanked her fans for giving her strength during a “challenging” time in her life.

Madonna doesn’t get into specifics, but I think we can all assume she isn’t referring to the difficulty of rooting through her external hard drives for more old pictures of Rocco for Instagram.

Speaking of, if you’ve forgotten what current-day Rocco looks like, here he is riding around London with his dad earlier today. I’m not sure why they’re both dressed like they’re on their way to an audition for the part of “two dudes hired by Jez Quigley to steal televisions” on a late-90s episode of Coronation Street, but here we are.

Pics: Splash

Madonna’s Instagram Account Might Be The Reason Why Her Son Didn’t Want To Come Home For Christmas

December 27, 2015 / Posted by:

Oh Instagram – forever holding up your reputation as the drama-loving shit-starting troublemaker of the social media world.

So while the rest of us spent the days leading up to Christmas getting lit on Nasty Nogs (vodka and eggnog-flavored vodka enhancer) and practicing our surprised face for when we opened our stockings and discovered the homemade heavily-Photoshopped Jon Hamm 2016 Dick-A-Day desk calendar we slipped in when no one was looking, Madonna was in court.

Madonna’s 15-year-old son Rocco Ritchie wanted to spend Christmas with his dad, Guy Ritchie, in London. I guess Madonna was feeling her inner Clark W. Griswold and wanted a big old-fashioned family Christmas, but it didn’t happen. Rocco ignored the judge’s orders and spent Christmas with his dad in Corgi Country. All this pre-Santa drama left us scratching our heads and wondering who to point our “YOU DID THIS!” finger at, and Page Six says that some people are throwing theirs in the direction of Madonna’s Instagram account.

Page Six put on their nosy aunt pants and casually brought up that time Madonna posted a slow-motion video of Rocco doing a back flip in his underwear and upped the not-right factor by hashtagging it “#nosausage“. And because I’m already wearing my nosy aunt pants, I’ll meet their #nosausage and raise them that time cool mom Madonna threw up a picture of Rocco boxing and went full-cringe with her hashtag game. I’m sure there’s more out there, but I’m too tired from Boxing Day shopping to search for more through all the popped-crotch pics and middle-aged masking doll selfies in Madonna’s Instagram feed.

And it sounds like Rocco is as over Instagram as he is with his mom; he set his Instagram account to private shortly after he told a friend he wasn’t spending Christmas with Madonna. As expected, Madonna dragged him back into that mess by posting a Christmas Day picture of the two of them from August with the caption “Merry X-mas to the Sun-shine of my Life!” Well, at least she didn’t tag his junk this time. Or maybe she’s saving it for a very special New Years post? Yeah, probably.

Pic: Instagram

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