Somewhere there’s a bunch of high-strung worried moms that are thinking: “See? I just knew cigarettes were a gateway to hard drugs!”
The Sun says that back in September, Madonna’s 16-year-old son Rocco Ritchie was arrested for possession of marijuana about two miles from his father Guy Ritchie’s home. I’m not sure why we’re just hearing about this almost two months later. You know, considering we were practically given unsolicited up-to-the-minute updates from Madonna regarding her last situation with Rocco and Rocco’s daddy.
Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s dramatic custody fight over their 16-year-old son Rocco Ritchie is officially over. At least for now. We are talking about a situation involving a teenager and two adults with a history of acting like teenagers, so maybe let’s not hold our breath on this one just yet.
Just when you thought that nothing could be more horrifying than Madge in an Illuminati ritual mask, your eyes scroll down to those jeans which look like they were made by JNCO! This 90s fashion comeback has gone too, too far.
No, Madge isn’t wearing that mask (which is very “Madge after her 10th face lift and 10,000th Botox session“) to a sacrificial Illuminate ceremony. Madge took her kids, Lourdes and Rocco, to that theatrical experience called Sleep No More last night. Everyone has to wear an Eyes Wide Shut mask while watching it. People says that 15-year-old Rocco Ritchie is back in NYC after he’s been living with his dad Guy Ritchie in London for a while.
When you think of teenagers, what do you think of? And what do you think of them doing? What were you doing when you were a teenager? That’s right. Doing homework and going to school and being in bed by 10:30 and not talking to strangers. The highlight of your teenage years should be getting first place at a calculus competition. That’s why it is SO SHOCKING that pictures of Rocco Ritchie drinking what is most likely booze and smoking what is most likely weed have come out. Hold onto your rosary with one hand and use the other hand to see the scandalous pictures! These celebrity kids are out of control!
This isn’t the first time Rocco has been papped doing what all teenagers do, the cool ones at least. Back in February he got caught smoking a suspicious cigarette and Madonna was not happy. Rocco doing normal teenager stuff is apparently what Madonna is afraid of happening if he lives with his dad, Guy Ritchie. Madonna being controlling is about as shocking as a teenager smoking weed or drinking cheap booze with his friends outside. Madonna and Rocco are back on good terms and doing shit like going to the movies together so maybe Madonna is trying to be the “fun parent” now he lives with Guy. But she’s a shifty devil, this is probably all a ploy to let Rocco spiral out of control, making Guy become the strict parent and then she can drag his ass back to court over this.
The Daily Mail is also saying that the day the photos were taken was the day Madonna had a party to celebrate she and Rocco’s reconciliation at her London home. All of his friends were invited and the party went on until 2AM. Madonna even hired fancy catering and wait staff to make funky cocktails and serve canapes. Now that’s shocking for a teenager. Spending a night with Madonna, sipping on a sloe gin fizz and eating goat cheese crostinis into the wee hours. Somebody, for the love of god, help those kids!
Pic: Madonna’s Instagram
Just kidding, it’s still a mess. Happy Late April Fool’s Day! On Friday we learned that Madonna, in a desperate attempt to win back her runaway teenage son, was trying to arrange a lawyer-free custody meeting with Rocco Ritchie and Guy Ritchie. Well, if what the Daily Mail says is true (“Errr…” thought everyone who has ever read the Daily Mail), then Madonna probably shouldn’t set out a teacup and a plate of scones for Rocco.
According to the Daily Mail, Rocco not-so-subtly slapped at his mama recently on Instagram. Shortly after Rocco high-tailed it to London to live with his daddy, he threw a PRIVATE sign on his Instagram account. Even though most of his online activity is a secret, he was still able to pull a “Tell us how you REALLY feel” by allegedly updating his profile to include the following description of himself.
“Son of a bitch” – oooh, sick burn. Forever bad teen boy Justin Bieber is totally saving that one for the next time his mom unplugs his Xbox and yells at him to take the trash out.
The Daily Mail can’t confirm with 100% certainty that the Instagram account shown above belongs to the Rocco Ritchie that fell out of Madonna’s steel trap snatch. But they did a little sleuthing and they’re pretty sure it’s his. At the very least, we know it’s not a decoy account set up by Madonna to frame Rocco, because it wasn’t written son of a bish.
Madonna has yet to comment on this. She is due to fly to London tomorrow to see Rocco. And if she really wanted to turn Rocco’s hate into haterade, the first words out of her mouth will be: “Rocco, that’s sweet of you to give your father an Instagram shout-out, but it’s spelled C-U-N-T.”
I know this pic is old as hell, but I like to think that that’s the same awkward [screaming internally] face Guy Ritchie made when his lawyer informed him that there would be no one there to mediate Madonna’s melodramatic performance art crazy at their next custody discussion.
The last time we checked in on Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s messy custody fight over their 15-year-old son, Rocco Ritchie, sources were saying that Madonna had accepted a judge’s decision to let Rocco live with his daddy in London. Now UsWeekly is saying that she wants the three of them to sit down together and discuss this shit without lawyers and judges. Oh yeah, this will definitely end well. Madonna is so angry about this situation that she called her ex-husband a “cunt” in front of an audience of thousands, so I can only imagine the kind of sweet talk she’ll use for an intimate audience of two.
A source tells UsWeekly that Madonna’s kiki with Guy and Rocco will probably happen sometime early in April, but they’re not exactly sure when or where. The source adds that Madonna is worried a date and time will never get set, because Guy and Rocco recently fucked off to the Maldives and she can’t get a hold of them. Regardless of whether or not it actually happens, Madonna and Guy are scheduled to meet back in court on June 1st.
I’m still not sure why Madonna wants to have a no-lawyers meeting. Maybe Madonna doesn’t want there to be any witnesses when she tries to work the same witch sorcery she uses to reverse the age in her face to reverse Guy’s alleged brainwashing techniques.