What’s that thing about the best way to get over a breakup – something about hanging out with Katy Perry? That’s how Robert Pattinson is reportedly dealing with his rumored split from FKA Twigs (now FKA RPattzsgirlfriend). And all of a sudden, that story about Katy and Robert going out to dinner this summer seems that much more suspicious.
The Sun is bringing forth the type of news that will no doubt have that last remaining handful of Robsten fans singing the Hallelujah Chorus. After months of rumors and vague-ish relationship status updates, it sounds like Robert Pattinson and FKA Twigs have permanently split.
In most random of random news, Robert Pattinson called into On Air with Ryan Seacrest to promote that movie where he was asked to do some questionable shit with a dog. UsWeekly says he also mentioned how, nine years ago, he and Dustin Diamond were once roommates. Zoinks! The two lived in a Burbank apartment complex called Oakwood, which was known to be the home of many people pursuing acting careers.
Now, nine years ago, RPatz was climbing up the ladder to play wizards and vampires. Dustin, however, was post-Saved By The Bell and venturing into films that certainly wouldn’t be on NBC’s Saturday morning lineup. But thank screech Rob wasn’t a roommate snob, otherwise he would have missed out on learning about one of America’s most valuable delicacies:
“I was with Screech, Dustin Diamond. I loved it. I really miss it. Dustin was the first person to introduce me to Hot Pockets!”
What do you miss most, Rob? Would you don a Tiffani Amber Thiesen wig and run lines with Screech to remember the glory days? I’d miss that, too! As for Hot Pockets…damn, dude. Maybe that’s why Kristen Stewart always looked so sour while y’all dated? Hating the paparazzi was just a front!
Tragically, the smell of a pepperoni hot pocket nuking away in the microwave will not be the smell Dustin is most known for, but we’ll leave that one be. And maybe hope, for Screech’s sake, he can get a few pockets while locked up in the pokey. Happy Labor Day!
As you’re probably aware, when Donald Trump isn’t engaged in terrifying nuclear dick-measuring competitions with equally jackhole dictators, he likes to tweet. This isn’t a new thing. He’s has had his stubby little fingers all over the Twitter bird for some time now. (There’s hotlines you can call, Twitter Bird.) Case in point – Trump’s bizarre 2012 Twitter meltdown over Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart’s break-up. Trump begged Robert to dump the sullen cheatin’ chick in several tweets. (And get with him? It was never really clear.) In an interview that RPattz did with Entertainment Weekly, those tweets were brought up and he was all philosophical about it. Which is annoying because you wish he’d be “yeah, dude’s round-the-bend nuts.” But deep-thinking sparklepires gotta be deep-thinking sparklepires, I guess. And, hey, this interview didn’t broach the subject of jerking off dogs. So that’s a plus. Continue reading
Robert Pattinson gave Twi-hards a boner the other day when Howard Stern asked him if he was still engaged to FKA Twigs, and he replied, “Yeah, kind of.” Nobody checked to see if Kristen Stewart, while soaking in the lady pond, replied, “Don’t even think about it.” Nothing would give those fanged fans greater glee than seeing the reboot of Edward and Bella, even if Bella is into poon and Edward is into… bad haircuts and rank-ass movies. FKA apparently took Rob’s maybe-maybe-not engagement chatter as the green light to paw up on another piece. Continue reading
Here are some of the things I know about Robert Pattinson: He played the sedated-faced vampire in Twilight. He was in one of the Happy Potter movies (I think he played a character named Diggory Sled?). He’s “kind-of” engaged to FKA Twigs. He gets terrible hair cuts. According to Robert Pattinson, I know too much!