Fran Lebowitz and filthy pretend-shorts-hater Justin Theroux are somewhere screaming at their assistants to keep pouring the gallons of eyewash into their seeing globes after their retinas, corneas, and all that other shit that make up the eye were burned by the disgusting sight of man legs in shorts. It disgusts them almost more than my phone getting infected by a Presidential Alert disgusts me. Yes, I’m dipping my phone in liquid antibiotics as I type this.
When we last checked in with the personal life of Robert Pattinson, he was reportedly seen sneaking out of Sienna Miller’s apartment. That was mere weeks ago, and whatever happened in that apartment – Scrabble, make-your-own pizza night, fucking – appears to be done for the time being. Because Robert Pattinson was recently seen with a new blonde British person, Suki Waterhouse.
RadarOnline is reporting that Robert Pattinson–who even when he’s 70-years-old will be referred to as: “That Guy From Twilight”–may be the latest famous rich man who got his name written down in Sienna’s list of pieces. Previously she’s been linked to such celebrity types as: Brad Pitt, Jude Law (infamously), Balthazar Getty and Daniel Craig. But honestly, how could you NOT fuck Daniel Craig? I’m witchu on that one Sienna!
Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan failed while promoting Fifty Shades of Grey, because he didn’t leave his wife so that he could have a staged romance with her for the sake of selling tickets. Those two were so cold with each other you would have figured they were the ones in the vampire movie. It’s been a while since America lost its collective shit over a totally believable romance, and apparently, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart stealthily went to Chateau Marmont to let us reflect on (sing it, Babs!) the way we were. Continue reading
He looks like if Damien from The Omen got a job at Jiffy Lube. That’s current Hollywood slobber object Timothee Chalamat holding his statue for Best Male Lead for his part as a teenage twink in love with a much older dude in Call Me By Your Name. The Independent Spirit Awards were held yesterday. Variety reports that Jordan Peele’s “white people really ARE evil!” horror/comedy/satire Get Out won for Best Feature and Best Director, and honestly, why is Timothee dressed like a gas station attendant? Surely choosing an outfit for these things isn’t that much of a stressor that you say “eff it” and go with coveralls?
What’s that thing about the best way to get over a breakup – something about hanging out with Katy Perry? That’s how Robert Pattinson is reportedly dealing with his rumored split from FKA Twigs (now FKA RPattzsgirlfriend). And all of a sudden, that story about Katy and Robert going out to dinner this summer seems that much more suspicious.