The annual Cannes amfAR Gala for AIDS research was held last night, and it’s an event that truly brings out the best attempts in fashion. This is what Nicki Minaj looked like, and I love it all. The Morticia Addams hair paired with the un-dead boudoir eleganza from Roberto Cavalli and the ten pounds of diamonds makes her look like Vampira’s money-hungry hustler sister Scampira. Watch out, rich dudes – she’ll suck the life out of you and your bank account!
Halsey is one of the music industry’s most frequent red carpet messes, so it’s not a surprise that she would show up to the Billboard Music Awards last night in an outfit that says: “Book my stylist the next appointment at the nearest Pearle Vision.”
That bra is all kinds of tragic. It’s both too big and too small, like some kind of physics-defying underwire nightmare. If that bra could talk, it would beg Halsey to leave it at home and take a set of nipple pasties instead. On the upside, it is nice to see that someone finally purchased the most discounted bra from the clearance section of Ross. But don’t cry for Halsey’s bra. I see a bright future for it. I bet an agent has already signed it to appear as the uncomfortable before bra in an Ahh Bra infomercial.
Renowned media mogul, Tyra Banks, has practiced the time honored tradition of ageism for years. When her iconic skinny bitch showcase America’s Next Top Model debuted in 2003, there has always been three main simple rules: 1). I am your Queen! 2). At some point I’ma fuck your hair up. 3). Don’t be an old bitch.
Well, rules 1 and 2 are still in full effect, but Tyra has finally done away with rule number 3. She now welcomes contestants of every age to pack their bags (including the ones under their eyes) to smize away for cash prizes and reality supermodel infamy.
Mother Theresa officially became a saint today, to the surprise of no one and the side-eye of many. I had no idea that Mama T was so problematic. You learn things while celebrity gossip blogging! To complicate matters further, the mayoress of Whoville was brought in to perform at the “You’re a saint now, Terry!” concert. Er, why? It turns out that Mother Theresa and Rita Ora share an Albanian heritage. Also, Rita though this would be the nuts on her Instagram. I kid.
Ms. Ora went with a “professional mourner competing on Dancing With The Stars” look for her performance.
Is it bad that I’m feeling Rita’s The Mother Theresa Is Officially Saintly Now Show co-host, Albanian professional football player Lorik Cana? You’re not supposed to have sexy feelings for dudes in church, right? Wait, I’m not physically in church. I’m fine, right?
Check out Rita Ora performing “What Child Is This” backed by the Kosovo Philharmonic Orchestra from the Papal Basilica of Saint Paul Outside the Walls in Rome below.
I know it’s redundant of me to even ask, because we all know that Sue Ellen Mischke from Seinfeld has, is, and forever will always work the bra-under-a-blazer look the best. But Amber Rose is coming in a very close second. We all know that Amber Rose has a habit of bringing ten tons of jaw-dropping eleganza to the MTV VMAs. Sometimes she goes straight-up stripper, other times she keeps it a little more demure. This year she went tasteful and sophisticated with just a hint of “Oh, these?”
It’s hard out there in the entertainment industry. There’s a lot of stuff going around, and if you’re not careful, you’ll catch something or fall prey to disease. Mostly, from what I’ve heard, it’s stuff like the clap and crabs. But, the number one deadly predator for celeb types is the dreaded exhaustion. Exhaustion claims days out of the lives of the people you see on screen and hear on the radio. On the upside, it also gives them a jolt of attention when they’re feeling like people aren’t paying attention to them. Today’s victim is someone that many people probably haven’t heard of, and those who have might still ask, “What? Who?” Rita Ora was in the hospital for exhaustion. What? Who?