Renowned media mogul, Tyra Banks, has practiced the time honored tradition of ageism for years. When her iconic skinny bitch showcase America’s Next Top Model debuted in 2003, there has always been three main simple rules: 1). I am your Queen! 2). At some point I’ma fuck your hair up. 3). Don’t be an old bitch.
Well, rules 1 and 2 are still in full effect, but Tyra has finally done away with rule number 3. She now welcomes contestants of every age to pack their bags (including the ones under their eyes) to smize away for cash prizes and reality supermodel infamy.
Mother Theresa officially became a saint today, to the surprise of no one and the side-eye of many. I had no idea that Mama T was so problematic. You learn things while celebrity gossip blogging! To complicate matters further, the mayoress of Whoville was brought in to perform at the “You’re a saint now, Terry!” concert. Er, why? It turns out that Mother Theresa and Rita Ora share an Albanian heritage. Also, Rita though this would be the nuts on her Instagram. I kid.
Ms. Ora went with a “professional mourner competing on Dancing With The Stars” look for her performance.
Is it bad that I’m feeling Rita’s The Mother Theresa Is Officially Saintly Now Show co-host, Albanian professional football player Lorik Cana? You’re not supposed to have sexy feelings for dudes in church, right? Wait, I’m not physically in church. I’m fine, right?
Check out Rita Ora performing “What Child Is This” backed by the Kosovo Philharmonic Orchestra from the Papal Basilica of Saint Paul Outside the Walls in Rome below.
I know it’s redundant of me to even ask, because we all know that Sue Ellen Mischke from Seinfeld has, is, and forever will always work the bra-under-a-blazer look the best. But Amber Rose is coming in a very close second. We all know that Amber Rose has a habit of bringing ten tons of jaw-dropping eleganza to the MTV VMAs. Sometimes she goes straight-up stripper, other times she keeps it a little more demure. This year she went tasteful and sophisticated with just a hint of “Oh, these?”
It’s hard out there in the entertainment industry. There’s a lot of stuff going around, and if you’re not careful, you’ll catch something or fall prey to disease. Mostly, from what I’ve heard, it’s stuff like the clap and crabs. But, the number one deadly predator for celeb types is the dreaded exhaustion. Exhaustion claims days out of the lives of the people you see on screen and hear on the radio. On the upside, it also gives them a jolt of attention when they’re feeling like people aren’t paying attention to them. Today’s victim is someone that many people probably haven’t heard of, and those who have might still ask, “What? Who?” Rita Ora was in the hospital for exhaustion. What? Who?
I know that grainy picture looks like it was taken with a hidden camera stolen from the set of What Would You Do? with John Quiñones, so allow me to explain what you’re looking at. The surprised one in the hat is one of the music industry’s most prolific hookup artists, Rita Ora. The dude in a hoodie giving you douche vibes to the right of her is Justin Bieber. As if I had to tell you; I’m sure you could spot his patchy lil’ teen boy lip hairs a mile away. And according to TMZ, they’re on a date. Or at least whatever Justin Bieber’s idea of a date is, which looks like eating food and acting like a dumbass in front of the paps.
One day after his ex was spotted at a club with sensitive Canadian Drake (who Hollywood Life claims Justin “warned” her about his player ways), Justin and Rita were seen at a club in Hollywood. They left together in Bieber’s pow-pow-Power Wheels at around 2am and drove to an all-night diner. No word on what they did after that, but my guess is either sex, or hitting up a 24-hour Rite Aid to discuss their favorite brand of cheap hair bleach.
I mentioned earlier that Justin was acting like a dingleberry in front of the paps that were waiting for them outside the restaurant. As you can see below, Rita walked in like a normal person. Meanwhile, Justin swaggered in with his hoodie zipped up around his face, with one hand pointing at the paps and the other on his pee-pee. If these pictures had sound, I’m sure Justin would be saying: “You, move. Justin had too many big boy drinks at the club and need to make tinkle.”
We’ll get to that “Showgirls meets SilverHawks” dress mess in a second. First we need to talk about the person wearing it, and how she once again attempted to just-so-subtly get some attention courtesy of Beyonce. As you may remember, the Who’s On First of people, Rita Ora, practically dislocated both her shoulders after throwing up her arms and waving “Over here! I’m not Becky with the good hair!” last week. Well, surprise surprise, she did it again at the Met Gala last night. Several times, actually.