Category: Rita Ora

Open Post: Hosted By The Judges Of “The Voice Of Germany” Having A “Who?” Moment While Watching Rita Ora Audition

November 17, 2017 / Posted by:

Question mark’s favorite singer Rita Ora went on The Voice of Germany to push her second album, which will be released the day after never exclusively in Neverland, and the producers thought it would be a real cute gimmick for her to do a blind audition. The audition was so blind that even when the judges took off their blindfolds (read: turned their chairs around), they still didn’t know who the hell they were looking at. ONTD posted this clip and said, “Even after turning around, the judges didn’t seem to recognize her.” I thought they were exaggerating, but then I watched the clip and a couple of judges do give the same confused face my dad would give me if I ran up to him today and said, “Dad! It’s me, your son Michael!”

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All The Fashion Foolery From The MTV EMAs

November 13, 2017 / Posted by:

Last night the MTV European Music Awards AKA “The Who Dats” were held at Wembley Arena in London. While you might not recognize most of the names and faces of the attendees in the gallery below, what they lack in universal recognition they more than make up for in European je Ne sais quoi with their looks (see: Petite Meller, above). However, some familiar names creamed their way to the top of the list of notable looks that make make no damn sense in any language.

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A Flight Attendant Is Out Of A Job Because Of Rita Ora

August 29, 2017 / Posted by:

I know, she can barely move the Billboard needle, so how in the hell is she accomplishing feats of job termination? Well, it’s not in the way you’re probably thinking.

The Sun claims Rita Ora was on a Virgin Atlantic flight from London to Los Angeles, and apparently she was such a presence that the skies were VERY friendly that day. A flight attendant named Charlotte Whittingham served Rita on the flight and later gushed about it to her girlfriend. She said Rita was “flawless,” “gorgeous,” and was reminiscent of a “beautiful oil painting.” Charlotte, where were you during contract negotiation time when VH1 gave ol’ Rita the heave-ho in favor of the return of Tyra Banks for the next season of America’s Next Top Model? Continue reading

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Nicki Minaj Brought Rich Vampire Realness To The AmfAR Gala

May 26, 2017 / Posted by:

The annual Cannes amfAR Gala for AIDS research was held last night, and it’s an event that truly brings out the best attempts in fashion. This is what Nicki Minaj looked like, and I love it all. The Morticia Addams hair paired with the un-dead boudoir eleganza from Roberto Cavalli and the ten pounds of diamonds makes her look like Vampira’s money-hungry hustler sister Scampira. Watch out, rich dudes – she’ll suck the life out of you and your bank account!

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Somewhere, A Granny Is Missing Her Favorite Playtex Support Bra

May 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Halsey is one of the music industry’s most frequent red carpet messes, so it’s not a surprise that she would show up to the Billboard Music Awards last night in an outfit that says: “Book my stylist the next appointment at the nearest Pearle Vision.

That bra is all kinds of tragic. It’s both too big and too small, like some kind of physics-defying underwire nightmare. If that bra could talk, it would beg Halsey to leave it at home and take a set of nipple pasties instead. On the upside, it is nice to see that someone finally purchased the most discounted bra from the clearance section of Ross. But don’t cry for Halsey’s bra. I see a bright future for it. I bet an agent has already signed it to appear as the uncomfortable before bra in an Ahh Bra infomercial.

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Now Old People Can Apply To Be On “America’s Top Model”

April 2, 2017 / Posted by:

Renowned media mogul, Tyra Banks, has practiced the time honored tradition of ageism for years. When her iconic skinny bitch showcase America’s Next Top Model debuted in 2003, there has always been three main simple rules: 1). I am your Queen! 2). At some point I’ma fuck your hair up. 3). Don’t be an old bitch.

Well, rules 1 and 2 are still in full effect, but Tyra has finally done away with rule number 3. She now welcomes contestants of every age to pack their bags (including the ones under their eyes) to smize away for cash prizes and reality supermodel infamy.

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