Category: RIP True Love
Jason Momoa And Eiza Gonález Have Broken Up
It’s only been a few months yet Eiza González has already thrown Jason Momoa in the recycling bin next to Josh Duhamel, Liam Hemsworth, Maluma, Timothée Chalamet … wait just a minute, what the hell kind of cockamamie recycling bin is this? You can’t mix twinks with aluminum cans. The city will never pick that shit up! At any rate, People reports that Jason and Eiza have parted ways because of “their two busy schedules” and are “in different life stages.” The couple had reportedly been dating since February but their relationship wasn’t confirmed until last month. Jason and his partner of 17 years, Lisa Bonet, announced their split in January.
Jason Momoa And Lisa Bonet Are Done After Nearly 17 Years Together
Please bow your heads in observance of a minute of silence, out of respect for one of the hottest couples of our time calling it quits. After the minute commences, a pair of gorgeous doves will be released into the sky, never to be seen again, to symbolize true love vanishing from our eyes forever! Yes, I’m being dramatic, but what in the world is happening in this year of twenty twenty-two? Because Jason Momoa announced that he and Lisa Bonet are ending their marriage and going their separate ways.
Elon Musk And Grimes Are “Semi-Separated”
WOMP-WOMP! Actually, wait, this is about eternally weird techno/space duo 33-year-old Grimes and 50-year-old Elon Musk–BEEP-BOOP! The couple who have been together for over three years and share a one-year-old son, Zeitgeist Millionaire Thirteen, have sort of broken up. According to Page Six, Elon said the two are “semi-separated.” Well, I guess I can start “semi-listening” to Grimes’ music again. And just like that, everyone’s throwing eyes at that Reddit post some think came from Grimes.
Matthew Perry And His Fiancée Molly Hurwitz Have Broken Up
Throw on your velvet choker with a cameo pendant from Charlotte Russe, spritz on some Gap Grass, slip into some knock-off Steve Madden platform wedges from the swap meet, and throw up a peace sign whenever you go because it’s the 90s again now that Matthew Perry is in the “news” so much. Matthew, of course, is getting attention for that Friends reunion. Matthew’s name came up again when the director of the reunion, Ben Winston, slapped down tricks for saying that Matthew didn’t look well and was slurring during the reunion. (It’s been reported that Matthew had emergency dental surgery the morning of the reunion taping and let everyone know he’s sober.) I don’t know how people noticed Matthew slurring because I was too busy shaking my head at myself for choosing to watch a Friends reunion that had zero appearances by Morgan Fairchild, Aisha Tyler, and Lauren Tom, but yet had Justin Bieber in it.
And now, 51-year-old Matthew Perry is in the news again and this time it’s because he and his 29-year-old fiancée, Molly Hurwitz, are over. They got engaged during the pandemic, so this could’ve been a “we’re bored of making sourdough all day every day so let’s do something different and get engaged” situation and now they’ve decided they made a mistake. Tale as old as COVID.
Wendy Williams Is Single Again
56-year-old Wendy Williams met a man on her talk show during a “Date Wendy” segment which to me was slightly tragic, but I feel like that’s also Wendy’s brand. 55-year-old Mike Esterman won the mini dating competition and ended up actually hanging out with Wendy afterward. This is more than we can say about some of the couples from The Bachelor, to be honest. But unfortunately for Wendy, it didn’t last and the couple has broken up allegedly because of their differing timetables. LOVE. IS. DEAD. But I think we all know it’s actually because Mike got tired of all of Wendy’s farting.
Things Between Katie Holmes And Emilio Vitolo Are “Cooling Off”
It looks like Katie Holmes might have to go to Olive Garden like the rest of us if she wants to keep getting free breadsticks at a family-style Italian restaurant that feels like home. According to Page Six the 8-ish month relationship is “cooling off ” between Katie and her boyfriend, restaurateur/man-about-town/occasional actor/assumed (by me) amateur DJ, Emilio Vitolo Jr. The pair were first spotted together in September of last year and spent the fall and winter “canoodling” with wild abandon all over Manhattan. But now they haven’t been seen together in a month, even though Katie was in town celebrating daughter Suri Cruise’s 15th birthday. Is true love dead? Probably. Katie and Jamie Foxx have been broken up since August of 2019!