Somewhere, a wall got covered in poutine tears and Drake’s body when he did the slow wall slide of crying sadness after seeing pictures of RiRi getting on a hot new piece in the pool. RiRi was (or is still on) vacation in Spain, and a paparazzo disguised themselves like a bush to get pictures of her sucking the face of a dude in a pool. The detectives on Twitter believed the dude was pocket-sized Spanish footballer Isco Alarcon. But The Sun says that RiRi’s pool-time fuck partner isn’t a footballer. His family owns a damn football team, but he isn’t a footballer. They say that RiRi was putting her tongue on Saudi businessman Hassan Jameel. Hassan’s family is the largest Toyota distributor in Saudi Arabia and they run other businesses as well. They are reportedly worth $1.5 billion at least. And here I was last night thinking that I was living the life while eating Sno-Balls ice cream as I watched old GLOW matches on YouTube. But it’s RiRi who was truly living the life in Spain while sipping champagne and boning on a hot Toyota distributor heir.
Last week, Barstool Sports got in trouble after one of their writers, Chris Spagnuolo, posted a piece titled: Is Rihanna Going To Make Being Fat The Hot New Trend?. In it, Chris joked (a term I’m using very loosely here) that Rihanna looked like she was wearing a sumo suit, and hoped that her new look would inspire hot girls to “look like the humans in Wall-E.”
— UNCLE D (@DeeDub67) May 31, 2017
It didn’t go over well, and Chris Spagnuolo claimed he was getting cyberbullied by Rihanna’s fans. He has since been suspended indefinitely, and the post has been deleted. Although the blog’s founder released a statement saying it was pulled because it wasn’t funny enough.
Anyone who has ever been to a sports game of some kind knows that some people take sports very seriously. Rihanna loves basketball, and she loves sitting courtside and gets into it. She also really doesn’t like it when a team beats her boo LeBron James. That created the perfect storm last night during Game 1 of the NBA Finals last night.
The brown-haired, dead-eyed wooden model named Bella Hadid is currently at Cannes. And the other brown-haired, dead-eyed wooden model named Emily RideAJetski is also at Cannes, and at yesterday’s premier of Nelyubov, she dropped massive amounts of black lace under-titty classiness on the red carpet. That’s a whole lot of look, but it’s Cannes! If you’re not delivering a whole lot of look, take your ass to the People’s Choice Awards. Although, since Emily is permanently suffering from a severe case of dehydration, she’d wear this to the People’s Choice Awards too.
It looks like some of the worst trends simultaneously caca’d all over Emily. Underboob? Check! Chichis window? Check! Nude illusion? Check!
On I Love Lucy, Lucy would sometimes wear this glamorous sheer housecoat thing over cigarette pants and it was a perfect vision of elegance, and Emily RideAJetSki’s look is like the NastyDress.com version of that. This is something Sophia Loren would’ve worn back in the day if she was tacky, on a budget and suffered from narcolepsy so she needed a fluffy duvet handy for quick naps.
And just when you thought that Emily RideAJetSki reached the pinnacle of elegance with this look, she faced the front and showed off a crotch seam that looks like a never-ending sparkly landing strip (see: first picture in the gallery and prepare to be hit by the classiness of it all).
Here’s more from the Nelyubov premiere and I also threw in pictures from today’s Okja premiere because I just couldn’t ignore Tilda Swinton looking like a glorious albino alien mother of the bride.
Pics: Backgrid, Wenn.com
Every year, there’s always a giant chunk of celebrities at the Met Gala who completely wet fart on the theme and go with their own, which is usually: Rejected Dresses Leftover From Awards Season. Even Anna Wintour showed up to this year’s Met Gala in some dusty dress that Carol Channing definitely wore a million times better in the 1960s (see: Anna Wintour in the gallery below looking like a sad lamp from Liberace’s least favorite guest room). While watching the Vogue live feed of the Met Gala last night, some bland, I forgot who, said something about how she wanted to be comfortable. Bitch, if you want to be comfortable, stay at home in your sweats and t-shirt and watch the live feed while sitting on your futon like the rest of us do! You’re doing the Met Gala completely wrong if it doesn’t take six assistants, a registered nurse, a long plastic hose, a thing of KY and a janitor with a mop to help you piss.
But in last night’s sea of basic (see: the sea of basic in the gallery after the cut), there were a few bright spots of fuckery who actually paid attention in class when the theme was given. Enter: RiRi!
Even though that picture is beyond blurry, I can fully recognize the emotion Rihanna is feeling on the side of that ball pit. I know, RiRi, it’s just not fair that they’re never big enough for adults.
Drake and Rihanna haven’t been a thing since they broke up for the 1,385th time back in October. Only Drake’s diary knows how many times they’ve seen each other since then. But over the weekend, they attended the same child’s birthday party. Billboard says the moment was captured by a mutual friend’s Snapchat. That friend figured if Drake and Rihanna had to endure an afternoon of awkward tight smiles, the rest of us should have to suffer with them for at least 50 seconds.
— BallerAlert (@balleralert) April 10, 2017
I don’t know what’s more awkward for Rihanna: running into her ex, or seeing him crouched in a corner by himself at a kiddie party like a weirdo.
Those Snapchats never show us if Rihanna and Drake ended up talking to each other. I want to believe they didn’t, and that it was Rihanna’s choice to avoid his ass. Drake lives his life like it’s a goddamn romance novel, so you know it would have been only be a matter of time before he approached Rihanna with a piece of birthday cake and whispered something about how it’s not the sweetest thing at the party.