Category: Rihanna

Open Post: Hosted By Emily RideAJetSki’s Under-Titty Window 

May 19, 2017 / Posted by:

The brown-haired, dead-eyed wooden model named Bella Hadid is currently at Cannes. And the other brown-haired, dead-eyed wooden model named Emily RideAJetski is also at Cannes, and at yesterday’s premier of Nelyubov, she dropped massive amounts of black lace under-titty classiness on the red carpet. That’s a whole lot of look, but it’s Cannes! If you’re not delivering a whole lot of look, take your ass to the People’s Choice Awards. Although, since Emily is permanently suffering from a severe case of dehydration, she’d wear this to the People’s Choice Awards too.

It looks like some of the worst trends simultaneously caca’d all over Emily. Underboob? Check! Chichis window? Check! Nude illusion? Check!

On I Love Lucy, Lucy would sometimes wear this glamorous sheer housecoat thing over cigarette pants and it was a perfect vision of elegance, and Emily RideAJetSki’s look is like the NastyDress.com version of that. This is something Sophia Loren would’ve worn back in the day if she was tacky, on a budget and suffered from narcolepsy so she needed a fluffy duvet handy for quick naps.

And just when you thought that Emily RideAJetSki reached the pinnacle of elegance with this look, she faced the front and showed off a crotch seam that looks like a never-ending sparkly landing strip (see: first picture in the gallery and prepare to be hit by the classiness of it all).

Here’s more from the Nelyubov premiere and I also threw in pictures from today’s Okja premiere because I just couldn’t ignore Tilda Swinton looking like a glorious albino alien mother of the bride.

Pics: Backgrid, Wenn.com

At Least Someone Did Herself Up In The Theme! 

May 2, 2017 / Posted by:

Every year, there’s always a giant chunk of celebrities at the Met Gala who completely wet fart on the theme and go with their own, which is usually: Rejected Dresses Leftover From Awards Season. Even Anna Wintour showed up to this year’s Met Gala in some dusty dress that Carol Channing definitely wore a million times better in the 1960s (see: Anna Wintour in the gallery below looking like a sad lamp from Liberace’s least favorite guest room). While watching the Vogue live feed of the Met Gala last night, some bland, I forgot who, said something about how she wanted to be comfortable. Bitch, if you want to be comfortable, stay at home in your sweats and t-shirt and watch the live feed while sitting on your futon like the rest of us do! You’re doing the Met Gala completely wrong if it doesn’t take six assistants, a registered nurse, a long plastic hose, a thing of KY and a janitor with a mop to help you piss.

But in last night’s sea of basic (see: the sea of basic in the gallery after the cut), there were a few bright spots of fuckery who actually paid attention in class when the theme was given. Enter: RiRi!

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Drake And Rihanna Awkwardly Reunited At A Child’s Birthday Party

April 11, 2017 / Posted by:

Even though that picture is beyond blurry, I can fully recognize the emotion Rihanna is feeling on the side of that ball pit. I know, RiRi, it’s just not fair that they’re never big enough for adults.

Drake and Rihanna haven’t been a thing since they broke up for the 1,385th time back in October. Only Drake’s diary knows how many times they’ve seen each other since then. But over the weekend, they attended the same child’s birthday party. Billboard says the moment was captured by a mutual friend’s Snapchat. That friend figured if Drake and Rihanna had to endure an afternoon of awkward tight smiles, the rest of us should have to suffer with them for at least 50 seconds.

I don’t know what’s more awkward for Rihanna: running into her ex, or seeing him crouched in a corner by himself at a kiddie party like a weirdo.

Those Snapchats never show us if Rihanna and Drake ended up talking to each other. I want to believe they didn’t, and that it was Rihanna’s choice to avoid his ass. Drake lives his life like it’s a goddamn romance novel, so you know it would have been only be a matter of time before he approached Rihanna with a piece of birthday cake and whispered something about how it’s not the sweetest thing at the party.

Pic: Twitter

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Lena Dunham Copied Rihanna And Got An Under-Titty Tattoo

March 3, 2017 / Posted by:

Last week’s episode of Girls ended with (semi-spoiler alert?) Rihanna’s Desperado, which told me that Lena Dunham must be a big fan on Rihanna’s. As it turns out, I grossly underestimated just how much of a RiRi stan she is. Lena Dunham posted a picture on Instagram of her latest tattoo. It’s no accident that Lena’s new tattoo might be giving you a flashback to Rihanna at the Grammys. Lena admits that she totally copied Rihanna’s homework on this one. Rihanna, just a heads up: maybe don’t post any personal ads looking for a roommate any time soon.

“Thank you @trinegrimm for my warrior’s chest plate/tit chandelier. This is my first original piece by a female tattoo artist and it felt sacred and cool and she didn’t chide me for copying @badgalriri’s placement.”

Lena Dunham is now one step closer to officially being ex-communicated from Taylor Swift’s friend squad. It specifically states in the squad charter that no member shall pledge their allegiance in any way, shape, or form to a popular female singer not named Taylor Swift.

Lena’s tattoo is an homage to Rihanna in more than just where it was placed. The top part of that tattoo kind of looks like a women’s college bathroom stall Sharpie drawing of a cooch. Which, in turn, makes the whole tattoo feel like a chandelier that might hang in the foyer of a fancy French strip club called Château du Vagin. I’d say Rihanna would approve. Although I think she would have approved more if Lena had gotten a portrait of Rihanna riding one of Lena’s nipples. Oh well, next time.

Pic: Instagram

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Open Post: Hosted By RiRi Serving “Rugrats Gone 80s Punk” Glamour

March 3, 2017 / Posted by:

If Angelica Pickles took her Cynthia doll, pained that thing’s hair green with a marker and then dressed it up in outfits from Barbie and the Rockers, it would look like RiRi on the cover of Paper Magazine’s March issue. RiRi looks like she’s been spending way too much time with Adrien Brody’s Summer of Sam character.

Many people always say that RiRi can pull off absolutely anything. Like if you put her in CROC high heels, triple-pleated dad jeans, a bomber jacket made of Uggs and gave her a flat top mullet, people would still scream, “FASHUN!” But I think that Paper may have found something that RiRi can’t work and I’m talking about those Manic Panic spikes. I don’t know about that aloe vera head. She looks like a rejected Dragon Ball Z villain.

However, RiRi should wear this purple My Little Pony weave at all times, because she looks like she’s wondering what will today’s adventure be and that is the look!

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There’s a thousand more pictures at Paper, and here’s some pictures of RiRi doing half-assed Poetic Justice drag in Paris last night.

Pics: Sebastian Faena/Paper, Splash

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