Tonight is the Met Gala, when stars and dirt stars squeeze themselves into a $30,000 gown that doesn’t go with the theme to bow down to Anna Wintour as she sacrifices interns to fulfill her yearly contract with Satan (that’s what happens there, right?). But I don’t even know why Anna didn’t announce today that this year’s Met Gala is canceled, because the real fashion event of May went down in Westwood, CA yesterday at the premiere of the mess of a movie my mom wants me to take her to on Mother’s Day.
Jane Fonda, Candice Bergen, Diane Keaton, and Mary Steenburgen all brought the glamour to the red carpet of Book Club. Jane Fonda showed up looking like a Mary Kay regional manager who just naturally smells like Shalimar perfume and could easily fuck your dad if she wanted to. Candice Bergen showed up with a look that was Snow White down below (see: her Gucci sweater) and Evil Queen up top (see: those snatched-in-the-name-of-evil brows). Diane Keaton showed up looking like Madam Mim going to a sock hop in the 90s. And Mary Steenburgen wore some boring shit but made up for it by accessorizing her dress with a tall drink of silver named Ted Danson.
And now if you’ll excuse me I need to ask Google, “Is my mom forcing me to take her to a Fifty Shades of Shit propaganda film grounds for a quickie emancipation?”
But you surmised that already, right? Everything that was semi-solid feels like it’s crumbling as we finish up with 2017. 2016 was “The Year That Everyone Good Died (In Addition To Hope)“. This year’s theme is “The Year That All Your Illusions Joined The Dead People From 2016.”
The Harvey Weinstein situation opened the floodgates for many, many, many, many, many women and men to finally feel empowered to share their own stories of sexual harassment/abuse from rich and powerful Hollywood types. We’ve now learned that Star Trek actor/America’s
Formerly(?) Most Beloved Homosexual George Takei is being accused of sexual assault. That’s in addition to actor Richard Dreyfuss (whose son recently claimed that Kevin Spacey sexually assaulted him), and music/tv executive Benny Medina. At this point, 2018 will hopefully be “The Year The Asteroids Rained Down And Ended This Shit.” Continue reading
Because it wouldn’t be Fall 2017 without your daily helping of alleged celebrity sexual assault, here’s a little ditty about Richard Dreyfuss’ son Harry Dreyfuss claiming that Kevin Spacey molested him in 2008 when he was 18. And supposedly his dad was in the room at the time. If all of these tales are true, then Kevin Spacey qualifies as what you call a bold motherfucker! (It also looks like he may qualify as an appalling creep of the highest appalling order, but you knew that already.)
I didn’t know Richard Dreyfuss had a serious case of crazy in him, but apparently he does and he used it to turn a fluffy post-Oscars interview with a local news station into a puddle of WHAT?! The reporter dude asked Richard who his favorite young actor of the moment is, and he mumbled out that he’s too busy saving the country to go to movies and then he verbally brain farted about how he wants everyone in American including the Koch Brothers to re-sign the Preamble.
I love it when hos turn a boring generic interview into a “4am moment on the C train with a subway prophet,” so I’m not complaining, but I do have to ask why Richard was even there if he doesn’t watch movies? Was he there for the free hooch (probably) or did his partner in crazy Jeff Bridges send him there to gather more intel on the Star Whackers? Whatever the case may be, I’d rather have watched Richard do this all night than stare at Billy Crystal’s canned chicken face for 4 hours.