When it was first announced last year that Renée Zellweger was going to play Judy Garland in a biopic, I was skeptical to say the least. But then three months ago, the first picture of Renée as Judy in Judy was released, and I realized it wasn’t going to be the three-alarm mess I had anticipated. I almost got a little excited for it. The same can’t be said for Liza Minnelli, who recently let it be known that she wants nothing to do with Renée as her mama.
When I heard there was a “first look” of Renée Zellweger in full Judy Garland drag available I braced myself like limp noodle with polio about to walk through a windstorm (with my head held high, of course). According to IndieWire, Renée is starring in Judy which will be directed by “Tony nominee and Olivier Award winner” Rupert Gold. It was reported last year that fair haired Renée stomped on Anne Hathaway’s dreams of being the first to bring Judy to the big screen (Judy Davis played her on TV). To the many that shouted “her?”, Renée would like you to have a seat. Renée did not come to play. Are you ready because heeeeeeeeeere’s Judy!
Eight years ago, The Weinstein Company (eeesh) announced they were working on a biopic about Judy Garland, based on the book Get Happy: The Life of Judy Garland. It was supposed to star Anne Hathaway. Eight years later, a different Judy Garland biopic has been announced and this one will star Renee Zellweger as Judy. “I’m sorry, was my number disconnected recently?” thought a furious Anne Hathaway, as she crushed her phone in her right hand.
In the dirty divorce days of Renee Zellweger’s random relationship with Kenny Chesney, the word that kept following them around was “fraud.” Fraud was the reason listed on their annulment papers for why their marriage ended after 4 months. Lots of people thought that “fraud” might have been a simple and more-subtle one-word way of saying “Surprise! Turns out the groom is gay!” (Kenny has since said the reason they undid their marriage was because his “box was too full“). Renee was recently reminded of those gay rumors during an interview with The Advocate to promote Bridget Jones’ Baby. I hope they brought a box of Kleenex, because the “Kenny Chesney is gay” talk is a real bummer for Renee.
Acting like a sarcastic urethra fissure in interviews is sort of Hugh Grant’s thing and he kept that cunty schtick going on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live last night. One day after he made me (and Tiger Woods and Dean McDermott) scream, “Preach!”, by saying that the key to a successful marriage is letting your partner’s fuck parts roam to other pastures, he was asked about his past lady co-stars by Andy Cohen. And while answering, he threw in a couple of sarcastic-pointed digs.
Last month, The Huffington Post published an op-ed piece from Jennifer Aniston where she took a big, sloppy, non-pregnant shit all over the tabloids for constantly talking about the goings-on in her uterus and for saying she’s got a baby in her belly when she’s really just the remnants of a burrito. Well, Aniston has now handed over the op-ed piece pen to Renee Zellweger and it’s her turn to shit all over the tabloids, the media and the internet.