Category: Reality Shows

Meet The 12 Dum-Dums Who Supposedly Fell For A Bootleg Prince Hot Ginge Look-Alike

April 17, 2014 / Posted by:

Last month, FOX announced that they had rebooted Joe Millionaire, sort of, and replaced a neanderthal construction worker pretending to be a millionaire with a Prince Hot Ginge look-alike who looks more like a Flat Stanley look-alike. FOX found 12 not-knowing dumbasses and stuck them on a fancy estate in England to compete for a chance to marry into the British royal family. FOX probably broke the budget on this one, because it cost a lot of cash to hire bathroom lifeguards and paramedics to save these dumb fucks from almost drowning in the shower.

FOX released the first trailer for I Wanna Marry “Harry today and I figured that they’d show at least one trick who realized this was all a hoax and went with it, because she likes free drinks and camera time. Blame it on editing, but this trailer makes it look like they all believed they were there to win a chance to jump on PHG’s ginger scepter. I’m surprised that every other word out of these girls’ mouths isn’t “chickabee,” because if they can’t tell that’s a PHG look-alike, they obviously spent most of their lives eating wet leaves in a cabin in the middle of nowhere.

I know piss-brained fame whores are everywhere (MTV wouldn’t exist today without them), but these have to be actresses and the joke has to be on us. But then again if you boozed me up and screamed, “There’s Prince Hot Ginge,” while pointing at a red fern in a terra cotta pot, that red fern in a terra cotta pot would magically disappear three seconds later. I’d never tell you where it went, but the sight of me with no pants on and the red fern leaves blowing out of my ass when I farted would give you a clue. Where the red fern blows.

via E! Online 

Oprah Gets Into Bed With White Oprah

July 13, 2013 / Posted by:

Picturing Oprah and White Oprah scissoring on a mattress is one way to spend your Saturday….

Lindsay Lohan’s mom White Oprah has regular vodka-infused blackout dreams about one day owning her own network called WON (White Oprah Network) and whoring out her daughter in a reality show for her network. But if that can’t happen, then the next best thing is LiLo getting a reality show on White Oprah’s idol’s network OWN. Deadline reported yesterday that as soon as Cliffside Malibu releases LiLo back into the wild, she’ll do an interview with Oprah before shooting her own “docu-series” for OWN. Congratulations to The Mighty O, because this means that OWN is one step closer to becoming the next E!.

LiLo’s interview with Oprah will splatter onto our TV screens sometime in August and her eight-part “docu-series” will air next year. I love how they are calling it a “docu-series.” Bitch, it’s not a docu-series, it’s a reality show! That’s like me bringing a bottle of Andre to a party and saying that it’s fine champagne. Bitch, that’s not champagne, it’s Andre! (That should really be Andre’s tagline.)

LiLo’s “docu-series” is either going to be a glorious wreck and a bigger disaster than Liz & Dick or it’s going to be an edited, sanitized bore. Whatever the case may be, this is news to do a shot of dirty crack pipe water over, because this means there’s a huge possibility that we’ll see the triumphant return of NANA LOHAN (at the 6:50 mark)!

That’s who really should be getting her own “docu-series,” because Nana Lohan is the only one in that family with brains and she looks younger and more beautiful than all those hos.

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