Former Disney actor Orlando Brown was arrested in his underwear by a bounty hunter named Lucky. If that isn’t the premise of a sub-standard comedy vehicle comeback starring Martin Lawrence, I don’t know what is.
Because The View can’t keep a co-host like your slutty cousin Jessica can’t keep a damn man (yes, that was me doing an impersonation of your drunk aunt), they have lost yet another one of their pecking hens. At the beginning of today’s episode of The View, Raven-Symone announced that after a year and-a-half of filling that show with her own brand of fooolery, she is leaving. “Adios, Crow-Spumoni!” said Whoopi Goldberg, who probably doesn’t even bother learning the names of the newbies since they’ll be gone in a minute.
On The View last week, Raven-Symoné’s silent-accented-e-having ass once again proved that she’s got a bird brain to go with her bird hair and bird name when she said out loud that she believes in name discrimination and would never hire someone whose parents named them something like “Watermelondrea.” Raven spit that out during a discussion about racial biased against “black names.” The View showed a video of kids blurting out a bunch of “ghetto” names and one of those names was Watermelondrea. Raven’s own dad called her out on Facebook and basically said that she’s a dispenser of dumb sometimes.
I’ve got some sad, tragic news for you if your name is Watermelondrea and your dream in life is to work for Raven-Symoné. She’s never going to hire you and it’s all because your parents decided to write the name “Watermelondrea” on your birth certificate.
On yesterday’s episode, the hen house of foolery that we know as The View discussed a recent study that found that Americans make racist assumptions based on someone’s name alone. They played a clip from YouTube of kids saying “ghetto” names like Fo’Landra. Of course, we all know that prospective employers discriminate against people based on their born name, race, religion, gender, fatness, skinniness, sexuality, etc… etc… It’s illegal, but hos still do it. And during yesterday’s discussion, Raven let everyone know that she’d gladly discriminate against anyone with a name like Watermelondrea. That really is SO Raven.
“Just to bring it back, can we take back ‘racist’ and say ‘discriminatory,’ because I think that’s a better word. That’s a better word. And I’m very discriminatory against words like the ones they were saying in those names. I’m not about to hire you if your name is Watermelondrea. It’s just not going to happen. I’m not going to hire you.”
Of course, this made Twitter (and beyond) tell Raven-Symoné to get the fuck out and to take her silent accented e with her. Raven hasn’t said anything about this yet, but I’m sure that on Monday’s episode of The View, Raven will apologize and will do a sit-down interview with a woman named Watermelondrea about name discrimination. At the end of the interview, Raven will give Watermelondrea a job as her new assistant. That’s damage control The View-style. But I don’t know why you’d want to be Raven’s assistant anyway. I mean, she’ll probably make you catch a damn bird and kill it so she can wear it on her head. And it’s a good thing for Raven that the producers of The View didn’t say, “I’m not about to hire you if you come in here looking like Foghorn Leghorn’s daughter” when considering her for the job. Here’s the clip if you need to see it:
And when something you say makes Whoopi Goldberg clutch her pearls…..
In case you’re following the revolving door that is The View, ABC announced today that Joy Behar will make her triumphant return and joining her next season will be Candace Cameron Bure and Paula Faris of Good Morning America Weekend. Starting in September, those three will sit next to Whoopi Goldberg, Raven Symone and Michelle Collins. I also heard that ABC is going to replace the table with a cage, so that none of them can escape as they eat each other alive.
Last month, there were rumors that DJ Tanner and Paula Faris were in talks to join The View full-time. Producers wanted Paula, because she’s a news person and they wanted DJ Tanner, because their mouths salivated over all the attention they got for a clip of her and Raven fighting about a lesbian wedding cake. There was also a rumor that producers were trying to get Joy. Joy admitted that she was in talks, but said that a deal fell through, because producers refused to give her more power and a bigger role. Either Joy was lying or the producers eventually gave her what she wanted.
As expected, the producers have also put together a group of subs who will fill in whenever a regular is out. That group includes Sherri Shepherd, Stacy London, Molly Sims, political commentator Ana Navarro and Padma Lakshmi.
To those of us who still watch this wreck, are we taking bets on who will be out first? I’m going to go with Joy and Raven. Their heads will pop off as soon as DJ Tanner opens her mouth while discussing Christian persecution.
And there comes a time in every American woman’s life when she becomes a co-host on The View. I’m going to call my mom now and congratulate her about being named a co-host on The View and when she says, “But I’m not,” I’ll say, “But you will be….soon.“
Kelly Osbourne Wants Donald Trump To Ask Himself: “If We Kick Out All The Latinos, Who Is Going To Clean My Toilet?”
Giuliana Rancic doesn’t have to worry about doing an hour on the treadmill today, because she probably burned hundreds of calories from cackling over Twitter calling Kelly Osbourne a privileged racist today.
I guess whoever wrote Giuliana’s joke about dreads is now writing Kelly Osbourne’s note cards. Kelly was a guest c0-host on The View today and once again the topic of Donald Trump’s shitty comments about Mexican immigrants came up. Kelly started by saying that Donald’s comments were racist and then she dribbled out a stream of messiness that made everyone hit the brakes and say, “Wha?!”