Orlando Brown has been through it recently. And by ‘it’ I mean some kind of a heavy drug-induced psychosis. After being ignored for the That’s So Raven reboot because he thought Raven-Symone was still in love with him, Orlando got arrested by a bounty hunter who was chasing after him for skipping court on domestic abuse and controlled substance charges. So things have obviously been a wild ride post-Disney channel.
Back in May, Orlando revealed on social media that he had gone ahead and dove deep into the drugs by getting a tattoo of Raven’s face on his neck. Wonder if Raven saw this coming? Get it? Because she’s psychic? Well, she’s seen it now.
Entertainment Tonight caught up with Raven on the red carpet of the Radio Disney Music Awards and demanded a comment. When asked what she made of Orlando’s permanent reminder of her undying love she replied: “I make of… the second season of That’s So Raven will be coming out July 25! Bye!”
Look at her! This sexual tension is exhilarating. She was so flustered she thought that it was 2004! Raven is clearly in love with Orlando Brown, I see it now. What will their celebrity couple name be? Ralando Symbrown? Orven Browmone? They’ve got a few options!
If your eyes read that as “Orlando Bloom,” then I hate to break the bad news to you that this post doesn’t hold a picture of Legolas with a That’s So Raven tattoo inked into his left tit. Although, Orly’s got a sparkling anus tattoo, so nothing would surprise me.
Orlando Brown is the child actor turned throbbing mess who played Raven’s friend on That’s So Raven in the early-aughts. Orlando returned to the camera last month when he got his mug shot taken after a bounty hunter caught him in his chonies at a house in Las Vegas and shuffled him off to the police station. Orlando was wanted after he failed to show up to court to answer to domestic abuse and possession of a controlled substance charges.
That “possession of a controlled substance” shit explains this next part. Orlando said in the past that he wasn’t asked to be on the That’s So Raven reboot called Raven’s House in 2016 because he and Raven-Symone still have feelings for each other but that she’s denying their love and is “running from the D.” She’s running from the D, alright. The D attached to a damn fucking crazy.
When Orlando was arrested for allegedly beating his girlfriend in a parking lot, he complained that Raven didn’t bail him out or call him. Even though it seems like Raven would rather hire an assistant named Watermelondrea than remember that Orlando Brown exists, he decided it would be a really good idea to get her child face tattooed onto his chest. And on this episode of That’s So Creepy…
Orlando Brown tattoos Raven Symone's face on his chest pic.twitter.com/L8IkSLdmBB
— say cheese (@Saycheese_Media) May 29, 2018
How sweet. Raven should really return the favor and get an Orlando Brown tattoo on her chest. Specifically, a tattoo of a restraining order with the name Orlando Brown on it.
Former Disney actor Orlando Brown was arrested in his underwear by a bounty hunter named Lucky. If that isn’t the premise of a sub-standard comedy vehicle comeback starring Martin Lawrence, I don’t know what is.
Because The View can’t keep a co-host like your slutty cousin Jessica can’t keep a damn man (yes, that was me doing an impersonation of your drunk aunt), they have lost yet another one of their pecking hens. At the beginning of today’s episode of The View, Raven-Symone announced that after a year and-a-half of filling that show with her own brand of fooolery, she is leaving. “Adios, Crow-Spumoni!” said Whoopi Goldberg, who probably doesn’t even bother learning the names of the newbies since they’ll be gone in a minute.
On The View last week, Raven-Symoné’s silent-accented-e-having ass once again proved that she’s got a bird brain to go with her bird hair and bird name when she said out loud that she believes in name discrimination and would never hire someone whose parents named them something like “Watermelondrea.” Raven spit that out during a discussion about racial biased against “black names.” The View showed a video of kids blurting out a bunch of “ghetto” names and one of those names was Watermelondrea. Raven’s own dad called her out on Facebook and basically said that she’s a dispenser of dumb sometimes.
I’ve got some sad, tragic news for you if your name is Watermelondrea and your dream in life is to work for Raven-Symoné. She’s never going to hire you and it’s all because your parents decided to write the name “Watermelondrea” on your birth certificate.
On yesterday’s episode, the hen house of foolery that we know as The View discussed a recent study that found that Americans make racist assumptions based on someone’s name alone. They played a clip from YouTube of kids saying “ghetto” names like Fo’Landra. Of course, we all know that prospective employers discriminate against people based on their born name, race, religion, gender, fatness, skinniness, sexuality, etc… etc… It’s illegal, but hos still do it. And during yesterday’s discussion, Raven let everyone know that she’d gladly discriminate against anyone with a name like Watermelondrea. That really is SO Raven.
“Just to bring it back, can we take back ‘racist’ and say ‘discriminatory,’ because I think that’s a better word. That’s a better word. And I’m very discriminatory against words like the ones they were saying in those names. I’m not about to hire you if your name is Watermelondrea. It’s just not going to happen. I’m not going to hire you.”
Of course, this made Twitter (and beyond) tell Raven-Symoné to get the fuck out and to take her silent accented e with her. Raven hasn’t said anything about this yet, but I’m sure that on Monday’s episode of The View, Raven will apologize and will do a sit-down interview with a woman named Watermelondrea about name discrimination. At the end of the interview, Raven will give Watermelondrea a job as her new assistant. That’s damage control The View-style. But I don’t know why you’d want to be Raven’s assistant anyway. I mean, she’ll probably make you catch a damn bird and kill it so she can wear it on her head. And it’s a good thing for Raven that the producers of The View didn’t say, “I’m not about to hire you if you come in here looking like Foghorn Leghorn’s daughter” when considering her for the job. Here’s the clip if you need to see it:
And when something you say makes Whoopi Goldberg clutch her pearls…..