Dame Emma Thompson knows what time it is, and when your #TimesUp, she ain’t fucking with you no more. Dame Emma put her own ass on the line to ensure that ex-Pixar head John Lasseter’s alleged sexual misconduct doesn’t get swept under the rug and forgotten by dropping out of the upcoming animated film Luck in protest of him being hired by the movie’s production company Skydance Media. As soon as Emma heard that Skydance had hired John to head their animation division, despite the fact that he had been fired from Disney/Pixar for being a super creep at work, she threatened to walk. When that didn’t send them back to the drawing board to look for resumes that didn’t list “surprise handsy hugs” as a special skill, she quit. That was on January 20th. Three days later she sent a scathing yet measured “here’s how you fucked up” letter letting them know exactly why. Today she let the L.A. Times go ahead and publish it.
Earlier this year, Rashida Jones was pulled into an internet rumor that alleged she was secretly pregnant. Then she rolled up to the Vanity Fair Oscars party in March in a loose dress. Six months later, she showed up to the premiere of Quincy at TIFF looking very not-pregnant, and I realized maybe the internet was wrong about the whole pregnancy thing.
As it turns out, 42-year-old Rashida had pulled a fast one. E! News is reporting that Rashida gave birth to a baby boy named Isaiah Jones Koenig on August 22 in Los Angeles. The daddy is Rashida’s boyfriend of about two years Ezra Koenig, the 34-year-old lead singer of Vampire Weekend. Rashida nor her rep have confirmed the birth of the baby.
UsWeekly is reporting that the birth of Baby Isaiah happened “months” ago. We won’t likely learn exactly when that baby was born, because Rashida and Ezra are private like that. The only person who might have spilled the secret baby beans would’ve been Rashida’s dad Quincy Jones, a man who recently got some attention for telling secrets. Sadly, Quincy said his daughters took him aside later and told him to stop talking. That’s probably for the best, to be honest – who knows what nonsense Quincy might have come up with regarding that baby? Although, it also means we’re denied a juicy story about smooth-talking Quincy trying to hook up with two maternity floor nurses.
Dolly Parton Confirms That She, Jane Fonda And Lily Tomlin Will All Clock-In For The “9 to 5” Reboot
Had it up to here sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigots? You are not alone! The teased 9 to 5 reboot just got sanctified by my personal lord and savior, Dolly Parton. According to Vulture, Dolly, Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin have all agreed to reprise their roles in the upcoming film. Upon hearing this news, I screamed to my secretary to get his cute little ass in here with some napkins to wipe the shit eating grin on my face.
Freddie Mercury must be cashing big royalty checks in Heaven right now, because every morning millions start humming “Another One Bites The Dust” as soon as we look at the news. Pixar’s chief creative officer John Lasseter announced yesterday that he was taking a 6-month leave of absence from Disney and Pixar in response to allegations of sexually inappropriate behavior (or “unwanted hugs,” as he claimed).
The Hollywood Reporter was quick to report that John had a long history of not-right touching and making comments about people’s appearance. They also reported that Rashida Jones and her writing partner Will McCormack quit their gig writing Toy Story 4 because John had made unwanted advances towards Rashida. In an effort to set the record straight, Rashida and Will have a fun good news/bad news scenario for you.
I get the kind of hots from greasy-grimy dudes that make you wanna leave everything behind and move into a communal yurt and raise a family of stray dogs, so last night was doing all kinds of right for me. Some guys chose to rock the classic greasy bro-ponytail (also known as The Brad Pitt), like Jared Leto, while others went for a more sophisticated messy clip-laden hair nest, like Alex Ebert (who won Best Original Score for the film All Is Lost), and some picked the 3rd Day Dirt bun, like Rashida Jones. I know that last one’s a girl, but she schooled those fools on how to work a greasy bun without looking like you’re waiting in line for over-eager teenage Christians to hand you a sandwich from the Sunrise Baptist Outreach bus (aka very homeless). But you can’t talk about any of these itchy-scalp-having hoes without mentioning the OG of filthy hair, MC Bedbugs himself, Joaquin Phoenix, who managed to slip past the red carpet photographers like a well-dressed Sasquatch and only one clear picture of him was taken.
It’s so hard to choose, but if I had to, my pick of the night goes to Alex Ebert and his hair nest. Kudos to this stylist who artfully balanced filth and ew in a stinky-looking pile with the same claw clips I begged my mom for in 1997. Speaking of 1997, his date is giving such face-body-face-with-too-much-Wet n’ Wild-makeup that I mistook her for Christine Smith, the sluttiest girl in 8th grade. I believe she was wearing a similar Contempo Casuals outfit on the night she was suspended for hoochie-dancing to No Doubt’s “Don’t Speak” with 3 guys at a school dance. I mean, I didn’t see it – I was busy bragging to my friends in the bathroom about how I only wear my retainer at night now – but I heard it was very slutty.
Back in October, Rashida Jones went on a Twitter rant after spending some time getting caught up on all the tits, cheeks, flaps and cracks the likes of Miley, Rihanna, Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj have been flashing all over the place. Rashida used the hashtag “stopactinglikewhores” and the responses were everything from a standing ovation, “NOOOOOOOO!” from the pro-ho crowd (and a resounding “Rashaddup!” from a friend of mine) to being accused of slut-shaming. She wised up to Twitter being the last place you want to go if you’re interested in actually getting your point across about well, anything, because she elaborated in an essay for Glamour (via EOnline).
The Parks and Recreation star began by pointing out that “stripper poles, G-strings, boobs, and a lot of tongue action were all now normal accessories for mainstream pop stars.” These artists, she reasons, are all trying to convey the same message: “You know you want to have sex with me. Here, take a look at lots of parts of my body.”
Rashida, pointing out she’s not “a prude,” loves sex and “also grew up on a healthy balance of sexuality in pop stars” finds all the in-your-face imagery of today to be “homogenous.” Every pop star, she writes, “interprets ‘sexy’ the same way: lots of skin, lots of licking of teeth, lots of bending over.”
“I find this oddly…boring,” she continues. “Can’t I just like a song without having to take an ultrasound tour of some pop star’s privates?”
“I consider myself a feminist. I would never point a finger at a woman for her actual sexual behavior, and I think all women have the right to express their desires,” she writes. “But I will look at women with influence—millionaire women who use their ‘sexiness’ to make money—and ask some questions. There is a difference, a key one, between ‘shaming’ and ‘holding someone accountable.'”
At the very least, Rashida gives me hope that I’m not the only one wiping down my laptop screen after yelling, “THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!” and throwing coffee at some of the slut shit on the interwebs (as a lapsed Catholic, it’s the closest thing I have to holy water because I refuse to waste wine). And Miley might have Liam Hemsworth back to whacking it to pictures of raw chicken, so all her twerking bullshit might be paying off.
While Rashida made some good points about the scales being tipped toward hoing it up, who doesn’t want to indulge in some interpretive vageen dance from time to time? She also lost me with the random ass comparison of “If 1994 was the Year of O.J.’s White Bronco, 2013 was the Year of the Very Visible Vagina“. Up until now, I would have pegged any year Joe Francis or Paris Hilton were in the news more than four times as the Year of the Vagina.