George Clooney, his best friend Rande Gerber and real estate mogul Michael Meldman must like tequila so much that a few years ago they decided to make their own brand called Casamigos. Now, George, Rande and Michael are rich people, so they didn’t make their homemade booze in the basement next to a rolling clothes rack full of winter coats like normal people They had a full-on operation down in Mexico, and eventually it got big enough to sell for $1 billion.
George Clooney and his BFF Rande Gerber are the kind of best friends that make tequila together and live right next door to each other in Mexico. Sadly, they recently sold their twin villas in Cabo, which means George and Rande have to pack up their private telephone line, aka the tin cans attached to 30ft of string that Amal Clooney was nice enough to help them make. The good news is they’ll have a new place for them. Page Six says that both George and Rande recently purchased fancy condos in the same building in NYC.
Last night, George Clooney and his tequila tasting partner Rande Gerber threw a pre-Halloween party sponsored by their tequila company, Casamigos, and – shock of all shocks, a bunch of Georgie’s famous friends showed up. Even though the Casamigos party was held on the day before Halloween, everyone still dressed up, because why wouldn’t you? When you’re rich as shit, you can afford to have your assistant stand in line outside of the Hell on Earth that is Party City 3 days before Halloween. Still, there’s always that one person who cannot muster a single fuck and shows up in regular clothes, and that person was Salma Hayek. Stars, they’re just like us!
There is literally nothing Halloween-y about Salma Hayek. It’s like she forgot about that shit, and decided to swing by on her way home from Barneys. Salma is giving me “pity pop-in“, and I love it. She probably told her rich-ass husband, François-Henri Pinault, that they were going to make an appearance at a party hosted by “some guy she worked with on From Dusk till Dawn” and assured him that it would “only take a second.”
Or maybe that is her costume: second wife of a French billionaire is a costume, right? But really, why bother putting in any effort when Jessica Alba is going to show up and shut everyone else down with her on-point Romy White costume.
That wig! You know someone is 100% into a costume when they spring for the good wig. For those of you screaming “BUT WHERE’S MICHELE???“, Jessica got a friend to dress up as Michele. I know, Cash Warren really dropped the ball on that one.
Here’s more famous types from George and Rande’s Casamigos party last night. Not pictured: George and Amal Clooney. I guess they decided to shock everyone and go as a couple who didn’t want to pose for the paps.
George and Amal Clooney continued to show the world that they’re the GREATEST COUPLE WHO EVER EXISTED by getting into a good old-fashioned staged canoodling session in front of a photographer at a party for his tequila brand in Ibiza, Spain last night. I’m going to choose to believe that the dude in the black shirt on the right witnessed their love-in-motion earlier in the day and was so inspired that he immediately ran out and got that Amal Clooney tattoo on his arm. (He’ll add the George Clooney tattoo later.)
George and Amal were in Ibiza with Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber over the weekend to whore out their Casamigos tequila. Last night, they threw a launch party at the Ushuaia Ibiza Beach Hotel. You know, Vanity Fair recently put Amal Clooney on their best dressed list and I didn’t see it at all until my eyes landed on these pictures of her wearing a $2,400 dress that looks like it came directly from the closet of Nomi Malone. I love that dress, because it’s gold, sparkly, looks like it was bought from the clearance rack of a Joyce Leslie in New Jersey and would fit in anywhere from the ho stroll in Atlantic City to a Studio 54-theme night at a club in Reno. Those white panties under that slightly see-through dress was a nice, elegant touch too. More of this, Amal! I also love that George Clooney didn’t even try.
And somewhere, Sarah Larson is thinking to herself, “She looks like a cheap cocktail waitress at a bottom level Las Vegas casino. George totally misses me.”
In this case “PDA” stands for Public Display of AnnoyinglyChoreographedAffection.
George Clooney isn’t done trying to make us all believe that he loves Amal more than he loves himself. (Side note: If your gutter brain read that as “loves anal more than he loves himself,” you probably shrugged, said “I already knew that” and kept it moving.) At the premiere of Tomorrowland (which sadly isn’t a riveting biopic about the Tomorrowland Terrace Band) at Downtown Disney in Anaheim, CA yesterday, George continued to slobber at the mouth hole about how he worships Amal Clooney the same way I worship my bong. While talking to People about his wife, George spilled out some shit that Jerry Maguire would say and I kept waiting for him to say, “Amal completes me.”
“All I know is that it sort of changed everything in terms of what I thought my future – my personal future – was going to be. But I’ve always been an optimist about the world. I wasn’t always completely optimistic about how it was going to work out personally for me. But now I am.”
George didn’t stop there. While posing with Amal, who wore a high school drill team uniform, and her niece, George grabbed her hand and dry kissed it in front of the paps. If Amal wasn’t wearing sunglasses, you would clearly see the look of pure disgust on her face. I mean, that’s not how they rehearsed it. George was supposed to rip open his shirt revealing his “I Heart Amal” chest tattoo before dropping to his knees to make out with her hand as assistants wheeled in the yellow leather couch he’d later jump on. That’s how it was supposed to go down. Amal did not spend an entire afternoon rehearsing their PDA stunt just so George could half ass it with a tiny little hand kiss.
And here’s more of George, who looks like the face of my Sunday hangover, and Amal as well as pictures of all the bright shining stars (Ashley Tisdale and some Dancing with the Has-Beens dancers) who came out for the premiere yesterday.
In case you didn’t already know, George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin are the anti-Brangelina and they’re not going to get married in a hush, hush at-home wedding featuring a coloring book dress and a busted, ugly wedding cake made by a child. (May a special place in Hell’s special place open up just for me for saying that, but that cake Pax made was a janky mess. Even Maddox knows this.) MuddiLooney is going to give us SPECTACLE! THEATER! DRAMA! FACE! OLD SCHOOL LIFE MAGAZINE GLAMOUR! Thank God George Clooney isn’t following that “secret wedding” trend and is whoring out his wedding to the masses.