Category: R. Kelly

R. Kelly Pleads Not Guilty To The Newest Sex Abuse Charges Against Him

June 7, 2019 / Posted by:

That’s a picture of R. Kelly from a tour in 2016–I’m not being some kind of ominous troll by using it, I just chose it as the one to use randomly. R. Kelly has seen an influx of bad news on top of his already crap-stained human existence. He was hit with a ton more charges which carry sentences of up to 30 years in prison–which he’s now pleading not guilty to. And also his ex-manager has been charged for alleged death threats related to one of the girls allegedly brainwashed and sexually manipulated by R. Kelly.

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An Employee Of R. Kelly’s Told A Grand Jury That There’s More Underage Sex Tapes And The Feds Have Them

June 4, 2019 / Posted by:

R. Kelly‘s lawyers better hope they can concoct the biggest, bestest, most realistic, plausible and believable sequence of events at trial which leads a jury of reasonable people to think he’s somehow innocent, because it’s being reported that there are more tapes of him participating in acts of statutory rape.

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New, More Serious Felony Sexual Abuse Charges Have Been Filed Against R. Kelly

May 30, 2019 / Posted by:

It’s kind of sad that Robert Sylvester Kelly can’t read because I would really like him to know how happy I am in reporting that he’s just been charged with 11 additional felony counts of sexual abuse, and according to the Chicago Sun Times, “the charges are more serious than those in the four cases that were filed against the singer in February”. Robert could be facing up to 30 years in prison for some of those charges. Since he can’t read the indictment, maybe his attorneys can break the news to him by doing an ad hoc performance of Cell Block Tango from the musical Chicago for him in his living room (if he still has one).

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R. Kelly Paid Off His Child Support And He Also Got A Second Chance In His Civil Lawsuit

May 9, 2019 / Posted by:

It’s a good-ish day for R. Kelly‘s legal problems.  No, the mounting evidence that R. Kelly is a creep of the highest order who likes ’em younger than young has not just suddenly disappeared or been disproven beyond reasonable doubt BUT he did pay some child support! And he also was given a second chance in a civil lawsuit against him after a judge decided to take pity on the poor rapper and reversed a decision against him. It’s the small victories for R. Kelly, I guess.

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R. Kelly Skipped A Hearing In A Sexual Abuse Lawsuit Because He Was Overwhelmed

April 27, 2019 / Posted by:

R. Kelly’s lawyers are claiming that, in addition to “poor,” their client can also add “confused” and “overwhelmed” to his Club Penguin Island profile. Kelly recently lost a civil lawsuit filed against him by not showing up to court. His legal reps are now fighting the ruling by saying that he neglected to attend because he was “overwhelmed” at being in jail when he was served and the papers confused him. Isn’t there always some dude acting as his own lawyer in the pokey? Have him translate it for you next time!

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R. Kelly Lost A Civil Lawsuit By Not Showing Up To Court

April 25, 2019 / Posted by:

R. Kelly is the type of dude who just has so many sexual assault allegations against him that he literally can’t keep them straight and actually will just not show up to a court hearing about one. At least, that’s what happened in Chicago when he decided that he would not answer to allegations that he sexually abused an underage girl in the late 1990s. I mean, hey, it happens! There’s just so darn many.

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