The first teaser trailer for the cursed child that is the Queen biopic Bohemian Rhapsody is out. In it, we get our first look at why Hollywood has been fresh out of wigs since 2007, when they first started trying to get this movie made! As a refresher, first Sacha Baron Cohen was going to play Freddie Mercury but after dicking around for 3 years, Sacha bounced because the band wanted to make a feel-good movie that didn’t focus on Freddie. During that time, they lost a couple of directors but eventually Bryan Singer was hired. Last year they found their new Freddie in Rami Malek and started production. Then Bryan got fired and they replaced him with Dexter Fletcher. Kudos to Dexter for finally getting this ship launched.
Here’s the trailer.
We all know that Freddie had himself an unruly mouthful of jack o’lantern choppers so, getting those right were paramount to pulling together Rami’s look. And I don’t think they did them right. Something is off here. Freddie’s choppers were elegantly wasted. When his mouth was open, they sprung forth like an audience giving him a well deserved standing ovation. When his mouth was closed, he had a sensual, slightly pouty look. When Rami’s mouth is closed he looks like he’s smuggling an egg. And when his mouth is open, it just looks like perfectly normal dentures, that are comically three times bigger than they should be. All the same, I love the costumes and whatever combination of Freddie/Rami vocals they’re using here sound great. I will watch this movie but I’m bringing incense and a Freddie prayer candle with me to the theater. There are some spirits that deserve all the deference I can muster.
Somebody over at Fox had a really long night on the phone cold calling all the directors listed in the yellowpages trying to find an emergency replacement for recently shit-canned Bryan Singer for the already-in-production Queen biopic Bohemian Rhapsody. The good news is they only had to get down as far as the “F”s before they hit pay-dirt. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Dexter Fletcher will be stepping in in to fill Bryan’s oh-so-problematic shoes.
With Fletcher at the helm, production is expected to resume next week. Fletcher, who made his screen debut in 1976’s Bugsy Malone, has extensive acting credits that include Stardust and Kick-Ass. He made his directorial debut with 2011’s Wild Bill and most recently helmed 2016’s Eddie the Eagle, a biopic about the British ski jumper who took the 1988 Winter Olympics by storm.
Dexter looks SORTA familiar to me. And in case you couldn’t tell by his name, Dexter is English. He’s been in a butt load of British period movies which are like catnip to me. My husband calls them my “costume parties”. I think Dexter looks like Jemaine Clement in old man drag.
This movie has been cursed from the onset and I don’t think Freddie Mercury wants it to happen. Freddie is up in heaven right now laughing his sainted ass off at these mortal fools trying to put their stank all up on his legacy. They do be trying though. The movie is set to be released on Christmas Day, 2018. They have one year to try to appease Freddie and get their shit together. Otherwise, Freddie’s going to make sure each and every one of them gets nominated for a Razzie.
Any British royal can’t announce their engagement until THE QUEEN has had their fiancee over and judged their outfit, shoes, hair, face and mannerisms while gracefully sipping straight gin from a teacup. So, Richard Kay of The Daily Mail says that Prince Hot Ginge asked his gramama to have a little kiki with his girlfriend (who is probably his secret fiancee by now) Meghan Markle. They sipped tea and ate tiny sandwiches and cake in THE QUEEN’s private sitting room at Buckingham Palace. Then Meghan politely excused herself and went to the ladies room where she farted out God Save The Queen from the Britishness of it all.
Please, link hands and join me in prayer:
Dear God of Airbrushing, in the name of Mimi thy most anointed disciple, I beseech thee oh Lord to deliver young Rami Malek, a fine, strong actor, a talented performer whose only crime was to forsake all good judgment to embrace the bio pic that wasn’t, Lord, he was led astray by Queen and taken into the darkness of a movie about Freddie Mercury that lo is not actually about Freddie but is on some other shit, oh Father forgive those who hath airbrushed and photoshopped young Rami to within an inch of his life, creating a shiny CGI looking false profit of the most revered and great Freddie in the name of the Father and The Holy Spirit I pray for his deliverance. Amen.
Okay, here he is.
The Queen Biopic Bohemian Rhapsody we’ve been hearing about since 2010 is finally happening. The band Queen announced that the film will finally go into production and will star Mr. Robot’s Rami Malek as Freddie Mercury. Probable sleazeball Bryan Singer (various X-Mensises, The Usual Suspects) will direct.