This Open Post is coming at you early, because I’ll be out for the rest of the day and all day tomorrow, and Mieka, Kristian, Deirdre, and Ben will handle all the foolery. I’ll be out until Thursday because I’m going to travel to London and stand out outside of Frogwhore Cottage and loudly wail as my arch rival Duchess Meghan gives birth to my other arch rival so that Prince Hot Ginge can hear my cries and know how he betrayed ME! No, like I’m allowed within 100 miles of Frogwhore. I’ll be out, because I’m getting my eyeball poked again, and not in a sexy way.
Open Post And Site Announcement: Hosted By A Woman Proving That You Should Never Throw An Axe At The Floor
But before we get into this almost disaster, I let you all know a bit ago that two of our weekday foolery producers, Ben and C.J., were no longer able to produce the foolery on the regular during the week. Yes, when they told me that, I acted out the “DON’T LEAVE!“ scene in The Color Purple when Mister kicks out Celie’s sister. They haven’t left for good, though, and will fill in here and there. So because I need help with serving up the messiness, I’ve brought on two new writers. Deirdre and Harry isn’t only the almost-name of my favorite 80s daytime talk show that never was, starring Deidre Hall and Harry Hamlin. Deirdre and Harry are also the names of Dlisted’s newest writers. “Michael, you made them writers because of their glamorous names” is probably what you’re thinking, and you’re half right. I also asked them to be writers because they call Phoebe Price their lord and savior.
You’re either wearing the darkest sunglasses you can find or you turned on the speak feature on your browser, because all that double dose of rhinestone-encrusted beauty definitely temporarily blinded you. It’s been cloudy in Los Angeles and obviously because the sun was like, “Can’t compete. I’m taking the day off!” But a little more on Dolly Squared in a bit…
The late great Pete Burns Me recuperating from my bitch ass left retina trying to leave me.
I thought my day was made and I reached for the economy-sized jug of lube when I read the headline this morning about a Hemsworth being in tiny shorts. And then I pushed the economy-sized jug of lube away after realizing it was just Liam Hemsworth and I wasn’t going to get a picture of Thor’s mighty ass muscles putting the seams of shorty shorts to the test. Oh well, I’ll still take it.
So, like a mysterious rash on my ass, I’ve been avoiding addressing this shit, but it’s time. Starting right now, I’m taking a semi-sabbatical (I almost wrote “slutbatical” but that makes it sounds like I’m taking a break from being a slut) from writing on Dlisted for the rest of the summer to deal with health stuff, recharge my mushed-up brains and to write my 3,000 page unauthorized Phoebe Price biography (I wish). And yes, I can feel my mom rolling her eyes while saying, “Health stuff? Pfft, I made your lunch while dropping you off at school on my way to work after 45 minutes of sleep and coughing up pieces of my lungs because I had pneumonia!”
Holiday Programming Note & Open Post: Hosted By David Bowie Grooving Along To George Michael Singing Queen
In case you couldn’t tell from everyone adult wrapping themselves while waiting for 2016 to finally end, it’s the final days of the year. So because it’s that time period between Christmas and New Year’s when many people get drunk at noon while watching the Snapped marathon on Oxygen, we’re going into holiday mode at Dlisted. I’ve gone on vacation with my family, which is sort of like hanging out with them at home. But instead of fighting in my mom’s living room, we fight at a restaurant and make all the other tourists uncomfortable. ‘Tis the season to make strangers nervously push their rice around while trying to drown out the sound of you and your sister fighting about Westworld theories.
Things will be a little lighter around here this week, but our resident guest providers of foolery, Ben and Krista, are coming in to help Allison and me out. They’ll be posting all this week and J. Harvey will cover Saturday. Everything will be back to normal on January 3rd. Although is it ever normal around here?
Yesterday, when I posted the soul-hurting news about George Michael’s death, I posted his performance of Somebody To Love at the Freddie Mercury tribute concert. So I leave you with this video from 1992 of George Michael singing the fuck out of Somebody To Love in rehearsal as David Bowie and Seal dance along. (Or as Sarah Michelle Gellar sees it, Boy George rehearsing as David Byrne and Terence Trent D’Arby dance along.)
“So about you trying to show me up at my own damn tribute concert….” is probably the first thing that Freddie Mercury said to George Michael in heaven.