After pictures of RPattz riding around in his pickup truck with Lisa Marie Presley’s daughter Riley Keough came out, her “close friend” told The Daily Mail that they have seen a little bit of liquid glitter trickling out of the side of her mouth and that’s because she’s sucked off the sparkle rod.
24-year-old Riley and 27-year-old RPattz first met a few years ago when she played Cherie Currie’s sister in The Runaways, which Kristen Stewart was in. They stayed friendly but didn’t start to really hang out (read: 69 until their parts go raw) until they ran into each other and some Dior event last month. RPattz is currently the face of Dior Homme and Riley used to be the face of Dior Cherie. The Daily Mail says that Riley, who was engaged to Alex Petmyfur at one point, “bears a striking resemble” to KStew. The Daily Mail is so right. If you scrubbed KStew down several times with industrial-strength Zep, changed her face, dyed her hair ginger and I looked at her without my contacts in, she’d totally look like Riley Keough.
The Daily Mail’s source says that Riley and RPattz have only been doing each other for a short time and it’s more of a casual thing than something long-term.
“They’re inseparable. Rob loves the fact that Riley is Elvis’s granddaughter – that’s true Rock’n'Roll royalty in his eyes. [Their relationship is] short-term lust right now rather than long-term love’. Riley was always Kristen’s friend dating back from their time filming The Runaways but recently Rob and Riley been spending much more time together since meeting through their Dior modeling connection and Riley has stayed over at Rob’s Los Feliz apartment. They have a lot in common- they both love LA, London, rock music and table tennis.”
Meanwhile, Kristen Stewart’s emotional scale went from “…. … drool…..” to “AAAAAAAAAHFUCKER” when she found out that Riley’s humping on RPattz. KStew has always felt like Riley’s mentor (???) and she feels violated by RPattz. KStew has every right to feel violated. Finding out that some chick you were in a movie with once is doing your ex-boyfriend is so much worse than finding out that your girlfriend got her coochie munched on by a married man in her Mini Cooper.
But whatever, we all know what’s really going on here. RPattz is obviously just using Riley to get closer to the purest rose of Graceland: PRISCILLA PRESLEY!
He played a vampire in a bunch of dumb movies, she’s a vampire in real life. He can make a Twihard’s coochie explode just by winking and if she had the ability to move her eyelids, she could make a mere mortal’s soul explode just by winking. It’s meant to be.
Every now and again, ageless flower Jennifer Tilly has to remind everyone that Christina Hendricks isn’t the only demure beauty in Hollywood who can suffocate and push up her titty globes so that it looks like she’s smuggling Right Said Fred in her dress. At The Dream Foundation Gala in Santa Barbara, CA on Friday night, Jennifer put her glorious butt cheek chichis on display. Yes, I get seriously hypnotized by a pair of magnificent chichis, but I’m gay, so my eyes still wandered down to her shoes and Jennifer’s shoes are a new kind of fugly.
One of my friends from junior high school invited me over to his grandma’s house after school one day and the first thing she said to me when I walked through her front door was, “Don’t go in my ‘nice’ living room.” I didn’t go in, but I looked in. Grandma watched Anna Karenina way too many times, because her nice living room looked like a low-budget Trading Spaces room inspired by baroque-era Russia. I have never seen so much gold spray paint and so many plastic roses in my life and that’s saying a lot, because I’ve been inside of many Catholic churches in East L.A. Grandma’s room put the BA-ROKE in baroque. Jennifer Tilly’s feet look like grandma’s fancy living room barfed on them.
Even though Jennifer Tilly’s shoes look two baroque dingles, I can’t hate on them fully. Because I’m sure that every time Jennifer took a step in those hideous heels, her chichis bounced slightly and it looked like two clouds blowing in the wind. Those heels are ugly, but they still served the greater good.
Here’s more of Tilly titty’s at the Dream Foundation Gala. Katy Perry and the Plastic Vampiress of Graceland were also there.