Most of them are staring up at the sky, because above them is a plane carrying a banner that reads: Sorry, Meghan, But Kate’s Dress Sold Out Before Yours. That explains why Duchess Kate is lighting up in the face like, “Check that, bitch, I’ve still got it!”
THE QUEEN wasn’t at her great-grandson Prince Louis’ hazing Christian ceremony yesterday, because well, she’s 92 years old and is tired of sleeping with her eyes open at yet another boring ass baptism. (Even the star of the show, Prince Louis, didn’t stay awake for that bore fest.) But THE QUEEN was back out there today at the 100th birthday celebrations of the Royal Air Force. THE QUEEN and the other ones (I cropped Princess Michael of Kunt out of that top pic because she’s Princess Michael of Kunt) took to the balcony of Buckingham Palace today to watch the RAF centenary, which she didn’t strain her royal neck to see, because she’ll watch it later on YouTube while getting drunk on sloe gin fizzes with her man.
You know that fairy tale about The Princess and The Troll? No? That’s because I made it up. The real story is The Princess Is A Troll and it stars Princess Michael of Kent. Well before Meghan Markle put her filthy, common, colony hands all over Kensington Palace, Aatish Taseer, who is of Indian and Pakistani heritage, used to have the pleasure of pissing in the royal loos of KP. He’s just written a piece for Vanity Fair and says that when he was dating Princess Michael’s daughter, he saw and heard some shit. Namely, that PM tried to get cute by naming her pet sheep Venus and Serena. Can you guess the color of the sheep? I bet you can.