Category: Princess Charlotte

This Is What Prince William And Duchess Kate’s Christmas Picture Looks Like

December 18, 2017 / Posted by:

Kensington Palace tweeted out the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s annual Christmas card picture earlier today. I always assumed British Christmas was the same kind we’ve got here across the pond. But based on this picture, I’d think Christmas in the UK is the day your family poses like mannequins in matchy-matchy ensembles for a high-end department store called Christopher Thomas. A store in which all the clothes come in tastefully muted pastels, and the numbers on the price tags have been replaced with the words, “Oh dear, if you have to ask how much it is…

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Prepare The Royal Pickles And Ice Cream, Duchess Kate Is Knocked Up Again!

September 4, 2017 / Posted by:

Back in July during a Royal visit to Poland, Duchess Kate cracked a joke after receiving a sleep toy for an infant that she and Prince William would just have to put the toy to use by having more babies. Well, look who took that joke seriously? Prince William must have dimmed the 16th Century chandeliers, lit a currant scone-scented candle (England’s most sensual candle choice), put on some dancing music, and romanced Duchess Kate into her third baby-making night. That’s totally how it went down, right?

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Happy Holidays From A Bored And Unimpressed Prince George

December 25, 2016 / Posted by:

Everyone better put their pocketbooks in a prayer circle because a treasonous cold is still messing with THE QUEEN (exact medical term for THE QUEEN’s cold:  acute viral morrisseyngitis) and she had to sit out of Christmas Day church service for the first time in decades.

So because his 90-year-old great-grandmum wasn’t there to make fun of Duchess Camilla’s tragic hat and ensemble with him, Prince George was probably extra bored. Proof of Prince George’s boredom: that picture above of him having to entertain himself with the candy of the peasants as everyone around him nervously tries to figure out ways to amuse him before he sends them all to the gallows!

The British royal family all got into their best Christmastime Downton Abbey cosplay today to do their annual pap walk into and out of St. Mark’s Church in Englefield, Berkshire. The Middletons, including Pippa and her banker betrothed, were also there. Prince Hot Ginge disappointed me today, because he did not bring his girlfriend Meghan Markle, who I was hoping would show Duchess Kate up by wearing an amazingly elegant body bow, and he also didn’t put that ginger beard to good use by dressing up as Kris Kringle.

But well, at least we have Prince George throwing “your future king is not amused’ eyes while working a sharp-as-shit A-line coat, knee socks and little loafers.

Happy Whatever Your Ass Celebrates, everyone! May you spend your holiday sucking on a candy cane while judging everyone around you!

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Prince George Doesn’t Give One Shit About Waving Like A Good Royal

October 3, 2016 / Posted by:

Duchess Breck Girl and Prince Baldy’s week-long tour through British Columbia ended over the weekend, and Prince George was obviously as thrilled to bid “bye, bitch” to his Canadian subjects as he was to greet them. There are only 4 things listed in the job description of a British royal and they are: smile, wave, always dress like you’re stuck in a “perfect family portrait” that comes with the frame and piss off Morrissey any chance you get. Prince George either got THE QUEEN to scratch off “smile and wave” on his contract or he can’t be bothered to care. I’m going with the second one.

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