I was under the impression that Duchess Kate’s legs only existed in an on-duty Royal capacity if they were wrapped in pantyhose and covered from the knees-up by a skirt. But what is this? Duchess Kate wore pants today, and she’s still here!
It’s a real pity Joan Rivers isn’t around to look at the ongoing maybe-tiff between Duchess Catherine and Duchess Meghan and have a big enough yawn that it tousles the weave on Giuliana Rancic. Kate and Meg may not be BFF4L to the point where Meghan and Prince Harry are moving from Kensington Palace to a big-ass, taxpayer-funded “cottage” (aka mansion) in Windsor. There’s now a report out that says Kate isn’t liking how all fashion eyes are on Meghan, so she’s upping her style.
I regularly dream of Prince Hot Ginge being in a fairy tale. Specifically, being in this fairy’s tail. So this is not the fairy tale starring PHG I had in mind. This is a sad one, and made the impossible happen. It made actual wet tears trickle out of my once barren crying ducts. Picture it: sad Prince Hot Ginge sitting on a $40,000 Chippendale chair as a lucky minion uses a $600 Irish linen handkerchief to carefully dab the hot ginger tears on his cheeks while he sorrowfully looks out of the window and sings a sad, acoustic version of When Will My Life Begin from Tangled. Because according to some royal expert, PHG feels like he’s living in a prison. Yes, an opulent gilded prison with maids and cooks and a golden 17th century bidet that used to power-wash King George II’s nethers. But still, a prison! Weep for him!
Samantha Markle better update the address of the half-sister who’d rather wear a coat that doesn’t sell out immediately than talk to her, because the next time she brings the paparazzi along to try to get into Kensington Palace, shit is going to look extra embarrassing for her since Meghan won’t be living there anymore. Just a month after it was announced that Prince Hot Ginge and Prince William are breaking up their offices at Kensington Palace, we learned that PHG and Meghan won’t be P. Willy and Duchess Kate’s neighbors anymore since they’re moving off to a quaint, little 10-bedroom cottage in the suburbs early next year. This is very good news for Prince George, because his delicate royal ears will no longer constantly be punched with the irritating sound of Meghan’s faux English accent, and he can turn his uncle’s old place into a giant closet for all his Mary Janes.
Just when Duchess Kate was getting over that Swiss harlot debacle of 2017 with Prince William, she has NEW competition – and I’d actually be nervous over this one! I’m no Brit, but I’d bet on Emma Thompson for leading British treasure just after Paddington Bear, THE QUEEN, and fish ‘n chips. Those pesky royals finally caught on and decided to give Emma a dame status that will put her in the same pointless title sorority as Dames Judi Dench, Maggie Smith, and Helen Mirren. Alas, it sounds like Emma’s daming ceremony (or whatever they call it) was more fun than the other three because she tried to lock lips with William!
Prince William and Prince Harry have been sharing an office for their whole professional royal lives. But according to The Sunday Times, that joint office will be no more, as William and Harry have decided it’s time for separate big boy offices.