The Oscar’s British cousin, the BAFTAs, were held last night in London. The BAFTAs decided to adopt this year’s unofficial dress code from the Golden Globes, which was to wear black in support of the Time’s Up movement. And just like the Golden Globes, some guests didn’t really do the all-black dress code. But the person who broke the code wasn’t an actress with a lone IMDB credit who was hoping to trend on Twitter.
Now that Duchess Kate has competition in the race for Miss Kensington Palace, she can’t waste even her time with a bun in the oven to out-shine that Yankee Doodle. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself is the reason she decided to wear the hat she stole off a drag queen in Moscow to greet the plebes, er, people of Norway.
Kate and Prince William greeted Queen Sonja and Princess Ingrid under an inflated rainbow that looks like something the Norwegians found on eBay after it had been discarded from the set of a 1997 Gap commercial. Queen S (and just about anyone else who turned out to greet the Brit duo) is totally thinking, “Bish, it ain’t that cold.” If anything, she should have passed that thing over to her husband, as his crown looks like it needs it more warmth than her head. People says the visit is part of a tour of Scandinavia that included lunch at the royal palace. Too bad Meghan Markle wasn’t around, because as an American, she would’ve served her country proud by asking the Norwegians if any of them know Rose Nylund. I definitely would have asked that.
As for the rainbow park, it’s actually known as the Princess Ingrid Alexandra Sculpture Park and opened last year in honor of the 25th year of King Harald’s reign. The sculptures are designed by and for children, which I hope Kate knew before she gave that dazed look of, “Is this Norway or is this Chuck E. Cheese?”
There comes a time in every balding dude’s life when he’s got to make a choice on which way to go. Is he going to channel his inner evil billionaire by going the Mr. Burns route (fluffy on the sides and liver-spotted bald hotness on the top)? Is he going to embrace the dick head look by shaving off every hair that’s left on his head? Is he going to do a John Travolta and hunt down a Shih Tzu, skin the poor thing and then wear it on his head? When I start balding, I’m going to finally live out my Walter Mercado hair dreams and buy a blond Sonata wig from Raquel Welch. But Prince William has decided to flirt with shaving it all off.
Meghan Markle will officially join the British Royal Family in May 2018, but if you ask my ass, she officially joined this morning when she partook in the family tradition of wearing a stupid fucking hat to Christmas Day church service at St Mary Magdalene Church in Sandringham. Besides resisting the urge to slap Prince Michael of Kunt at THE QUEEN’s pre-Christmas lunch the other day, Meghan Markel’s biggest challenge as a royal was probably trying to stay the hell awake through Christmas church service today. Although, it’s probably impossible to fall asleep when your down-low parts are loudly singing HALLELUJAH over you getting to do Prince Hot Ginge on the regular.
Meghan joined PHG, THE QUEEN, Prince Philip, Prince Charles, Duchess Camilla and Duchess Kate at church this morning. Duchess Kate did herself up like a little rich girl from the 1950s on Christmas Day, and it was highly rude of her to wear that warm bear pubes hat on her head while her husband was probably suffering from hypothermia of the bald spot. Duchess Kate’s hat and coat were made by the Haus of Who Cares What Duchess Kate Was Wearing When Meghan Markle Was There. Because I know you care and really want to max out your credit cards while getting the exact look, Meghan Markle wore a $1,300 baby alpaca coat by Sentaler, $650 suede boots by Stuart Weitzman, a $1,400 Chloe purse and a fancy chocolate hat that looks like the poop emoji to haters, and like a fancy French version of the poop emoji (le poop emojé) to fans.
I didn’t see any pictures of Prince George and Princes Charlotte. They were probably busy doing more important things: commanding the stores to open so that they can return the dumb Christmas presents they didn’t want.
And here’s more pictures from this morning’s service including one of THE QUEEN blinding everyone’s eyes by looking like a regal naranja.
Open Post: Hosted By Prince Hot Ginge And Meghan Markle Going To Pre-Christmas Lunch At THE QUEEN’s House
Meghan Markle reportedly has to take lessons on how to act like a British royal, but judging by that picture above, she should be the one teaching Prince Hot Ginge a lesson. Specifically, a lesson on how to serve FACE while dozens of paps are snapping at you. Because while Meghan is delivering serene beauty-campaign-ready face, PHG looks like the cops just caught his drunk ass taking a dump in the bushes. And yes, I still would (no scat queen).
PHG, Meghan, Duchess Kate, Prince William, Prince George, Prince Charles, Duchess Camilla, Princess Beatrice and some others who don’t matter were all summoned to Buckingham Palace today for THE QUEEN’s annual pre-Christmas family lunch. The entire family showed up because: a) It’s their job and they have to. And b) Who wouldn’t want to snuggle on the floor of Buckingham Palace’s ballroom with a Corgi after doing gin shots with THE QUEEN?
But seriously, if THE QUEEN is anything like my abuelita, which she’s not duh, but if she was, she would’ve spent approximately 8 minutes at that little pre-Christmas lunch. As soon as the food was brought out, she’d make herself a plate and go to her room to watch her stories. But before she left, she’d tell everyone to leave her Christmas presents on the kitchen counter…and don’t forget to leave the receipt too, bitch!
Kensington Palace tweeted out the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s annual Christmas card picture earlier today. I always assumed British Christmas was the same kind we’ve got here across the pond. But based on this picture, I’d think Christmas in the UK is the day your family poses like mannequins in matchy-matchy ensembles for a high-end department store called Christopher Thomas. A store in which all the clothes come in tastefully muted pastels, and the numbers on the price tags have been replaced with the words, “Oh dear, if you have to ask how much it is…”