There’s more drama at the palace, but Duchess Meghan can sigh relief because this time the drama isn’t surrounding how horrible of a person everyone who isn’t friends with her alleges her to be. No, it’s the other Duchess in the crosshairs this time, as Duchess Kate is rumored to be acting like Regina George high off adderall and is trying to “phase out” one of her best friends. Remember the pre-social media days when phasing someone out was as easy as not answering a phone call? Simpler times.
If you can believe a royal snitch, we’ve been getting the story about the Kensington Palace smackdown somewhat wrong. After all these months hearing from tabloids and such about Duchess Kate and Duchess Meghan fighting, we’re now hearing that Kate may not be the one “mysteriously” leaving YouTube clips of Meghan opening briefcases on Deal Or No Deal up on the royal family’s Apple TV. Nick Bullen, a longtime royal filmmaker, is out saying the real fight is between Prince Harry and Prince William. Cue up the “Harry Hid All Of William’s Rogaine During Holiday From Hell!” headlines.
Since Prince Hot Ginge is in the mood to split things, he should split these cheeks. And just like that, I earned another ten years on my restraining order.
Last October, the rumors of Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan’s feud with Prince William and Duchess Kate started when we all learned that they were splitting up offices. That filled our head with the image of Meghan and Kate fighting over the last Yoplait in the refrigerator and PHG passively aggressively taping a note that read, “This is not YOUR house. I am not YOUR maid. Clean after yourself!,” onto a cabinet in the break room after Kate and William didn’t wash their dishes. And after months of rumors about things between PHG and Willy being tenser than a bodyguard’s butthole whenever Prince Philip took the wheel, it was reported in February that the split of their households was going to happen very soon. Today is that “very soon,” because THE QUEEN has taken a royal machete to their joint court and split that bitch up.
That Duchess Meghan just can’t help herself. She always has to take the opportunity to shove the fact that she’s doing Prince Hot Ginge full-time into the jealous, unlucky, stupid faces of us PHG-heads. Did she really have to use Commonwealth Day to show us the hat she wears while “playing nurse” with PHG in their bedroom. How cold!
Today is Commonwealth Day, and you might be thinking that’s the day when royals flaunt their wealth in front of the commoners, and you’d be right. But that’s every day. Commonwealth Day is a holiday to celebrate all the traitors to THE QUEEN (aka the former territories of the British Empire). Commonwealth Day services at Westminster Abbey in London today brought out Meghan, PHG, THE QUEEN, and a bunch of other royals nobody really cares about.
If Duchess Kate is smart, she’ll inventory all the good shit at Kensington Palace because Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan are on the fast track out of there, and the official split between Harry and Prince William’s joint professional royal household will go down in a matter of weeks. She can’t risk Meghan making off with Queen Mary’s good silver!
Sure, Duchess Kate and Duchess Meghan may be friendlier now that THE QUEEN laid down the gauntlet at Christmas and said they better straighten up their act or else she’d only let them use Prince Philip as their unlicensed royal driver. Nevertheless, if I was in Kate’s shoes, that wouldn’t keep me from using the occasional outing to remind a bitch who is HBIC and who has the code to the better royal jewel room. It appears Kate did just that with her choice of earrings last night at the BAFTAs in London.