Depending on where you live, a lot of kids started school this week. You know who else started school this week? A certain fancy Royal kid named Prince George! That’s right, side-eye baby is in big kid school now. Ah, how time flies.
Kensington Palace tweeted out a picture of His Royal Recess’ness with Prince William before he strolled into Thomas’s Battersea, a place that sounds like an upscale fish n’ chips place but is actually a private school. Look at him in his little sweater and loafers, with his hand casually tucked into his little pocket. I know he’s only four, but he totally looks like the fun boss of a law firm on a casual Friday. I feel like at any minute he’s going to ask me if I’m working hard or hardly working.
Way back when, Charles Dickens penned A Tale of Two Cities, and it was all about how Parisians liked to bare their boobies in public, and Londoners preferred to keep them hidden behind turtlenecks like Diane Keaton in, well, just about anything. At least that’s what I think it was about.
Either way, Duchess Kate fumed way back in 2012 when French rag Closer Magazine published super-sketchy n00dz of her sunbathing topless in the south of France. Considering the most exciting thing she’d done at the time is show off that rock of Princess Diana’s that Prince William gave her as an engagement ring, Kate sent her lawyers (and probably a few of the Queen’s corgis for good measure) over to Paris to protect the sanctity of her privacy. She had a reputation to uphold! Well, Duchess Kate’s legal nipple fight is finally over.
The NY Daily News reports that, after several years, Kate has won! And thank GAWD! Bitch needed the cash. You don’t know how much it costs to keep that Royal weave in check and pay off all the snitches when William goes on vacation.
Kate is expected to rake in € 50,000 (or $59,500) from her lawsuit winnings, and apparently Prince William is expected to get the same. WTF?! What did he do? It was her royal nipples on display, not his sword of Windsor! I want retroactive criminal acts. French photogs, until you go back with your telephoto lenses and get high-res shots of William’s wiener from 30 miles away, you better not even THINK of shooting that check across the English Channel!
Back in July during a Royal visit to Poland, Duchess Kate cracked a joke after receiving a sleep toy for an infant that she and Prince William would just have to put the toy to use by having more babies. Well, look who took that joke seriously? Prince William must have dimmed the 16th Century chandeliers, lit a currant scone-scented candle (England’s most sensual candle choice), put on some dancing music, and romanced Duchess Kate into her third baby-making night. That’s totally how it went down, right?
Prince William and Princess Kate brought the kids with them on their European tour of Poland and Germany, and, well, maybe Princess Charlotte just really liked Angela Merkel?
Duchess Kate is going to regret putting her hand anywhere near her stomach from here on out, because it’s only a matter of time before the next round of “ROYAL BABY BUMP WATCH!!!” rumors start.
Since Prince Hot Ginge wants nothing to do with the crown, I should remove it from my homomade (on purpose typo) PHG Real Doll during our “dates.” You know, to make the experience oh-so-realistic.
PHG did a long interview with Newsweek and he mostly talked about his charity stuff, but he also talked about how losing his mom at a young age really fucked with him, and he gave his thoughts about the future of the monarchy. He didn’t talk about Meghan Markle, but a “source” did and said that things are still new between them and if they get engaged, it won’t happen before the end of the year.
PHG says that his mom wanted him and his brother to live as normal of a life as possible, so he does his own grocery shopping and buys his own meat (wink win), but he also knows that he’s a prince and believes that his country and beyond still needs the magic of the monarchy.