“Hmmm….something in the milk is POISON!” – that dog, who obviously knows what’s up and knows that Prince George cannot be trusted!
The heir to the British throne turns 3 years old today, and so Kensington Palace celebrated by gifting the eyes of his loyal subjects with cute pictures they tweeted. But well, behind one of those pictures is darkness and cruelty. Some look at the picture of Prince George and Lupo Middleton Mountbatten-Windsor above and say to themselves, “Awww, look at the widdle prince giving a widdle ice cweam to the widdle doggy.” But others look at that picture and see attempted pooch murder!
The Guardian says that that a few messes on Twitter are jokingly (I hope) calling for Prince George to be imprisoned for animal cruelty. Prince George is supposedly offering his doggy-in-waiting a taste of a white chocolate ice cream bar. Chocolate is to dogs what an Iggy Azalea song is to ears. It’s painful poison. Some dogs are also hit with a case of dogarrhea when they eat diary. That picture is so serious that the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals released this statement about it:
“It is lovely that Prince George is trying to help keep his family dog, Lupo, cool in these high temperatures. We would advise people to be cautious when giving their dogs food meant for human consumption as some items, like chocolate, can be highly toxic to dogs and dairy items can be difficult for them to digest.
Instead of ice-cream we would suggest making an ice lolly from pet-friendly ingredients. Making these can be really fun for children and the end product is both safe and enjoyable for dogs.”
Prince George has yet to respond to this himself because he’s only 3 and doesn’t understand all those words. Or because he’s busy instructing his staff to set up a white chocolate ice cream stand in a dog park. Yeah, that’s probably it.
And here’s more pictures of the miniature Christopher Robin busting out J. Crew Kids catalog poses while wearing “bargain birthday outfits” (FYI: People considers a $36 toddler t-shirt a bargain.) in his birthday pictures, as well as pictures from earlier this month of Prince George waving at his haters before taking his flying royal chariot up in the air to survey his land.
Prince Hot Ginge once allegedly told a gay dude that he’d give him a call if he “changes his mind about women,” and I remember that quote as though I just read it 2 minutes ago, because I did just read it 2 minutes ago. It’s tattooed over my right nipple so I read it while giving myself a quickie whore bath in the sink this morning. So PHG would obviously be my first choice for the first British royal to grace the cover of a gay magazine. THE QUEEN in Dame Edna drag would be my second choice. Prince William would probably be my 5th choice after the fallen Duchess Fergie in a rainbow flag and all of THE QUEEN’s Corgis, but I’ll gladly take it.
Today is the 95th birthday of Prince Philip, the British royal family’s messiest old coot, so everyone in England should be celebrating his special day by airing out their huevos or chochas in a kilt while offending people and cursing tricks out. But that’s not happening, because everyone is too busy celebrating the anniversary of THE QUEEN’s born day again. Prince Hot Ginge’s abuelita turned 90 in April, but when you come out of a royal cooch with a tiara on your head, you get two birthday celebrations.
Morrissey will tell you that Prince William is doing an interpretive dance where he’s playing the role of the British taxpayers who get fucked in the ass by the royal family.
While I know that DListed is generally a Team Harry kind of place, I also know that we will take what we can get. (Note from Michael: Speak for yourself, Martin. I will not take this, because I’ll be too busy sitting on this photobomb.) So here for your Memorial Day weekend pervy pleasure is Prince William doing what looks like yoga before playing in the Audi Polo Challenge in London yesterday. Both of them are pretty keen on sports so it’s good to see that he knows the importance of stretching and kicking.
Clearly, he’ still trying to make up for that disastrous disaster at the Taj Mahal. He knows what the old ladies of England the prying eyes of the internet are after. So don’t say he’s not giving back to the people. Before you drive yourself crazy with some top notch Google searching, I’ll tell you now that no, Prince Harry did not join him for the stretching. But, two other friends and/or teammates did. Do with them and Harry’s face what you will on Photoshop. And there are horses for you guys that really like to go the extra dark mile.
This morning, Prince Hot Ginge made a thousand British mums cleanse the ears of their children with holy water by saying the word “arse” during an interview on BBC Radio 2, and believe it or not, that’s not the biggest British royal news today. The big British royal news is that before Duchess Kate and Prince William hosted President Obama and Michelle Obama in their Ballard Designs-looking ass sitting room at Kensington Palace, they hid a plaque that they thought would offend their American guests.
The Sun (via The Mirror) says that below the painting behind Duchess Kate and Michelle Obama in the picture above is a plaque with the title on it. The title of the painting is “The Negro Page.” Not one of Duchess Kate and Prince William’s minions gave it a thought until minutes before President Obama showed up.
Prince Hot Ginge and that other one continued to work really, really hard for that taxpayer money today by playing with Star Wars stuff and meeting the cast at Pinewood Studios in Buckinghamshire. PHG and Prince George’s papa je’e met Mark Hamill and Daisy Ridley who are currently filming Star Wars: Episode Who Cares What It’s Called It’s Still Going To Make Forty Billion Dollars No Matter What. PHG also had a sweet moment with Chewbacca, and if I was into wookie-on-human-porn (Tip of the day: Don’t Google “wookie-on-human-porn“), I’d check myself into an insane asylum, but before I did that, I’d print out this picture, grab a tub of Crisco and lock myself in my bedroom for the next 4 hours.
One thing I learned from that picture is that if I want to get a sweet hug from PHG, I need to be over 7 feet tall, covered in mangy hair, smell like wet dog ass and have bugs living on my body. I better learn how to walk in stilts, spray myself with one of Justin Bieber’s cologne and go through Brit Brit Spears’ trash cans for cast-off weaves I can tape to my body. I hear you saying, “At least you don’t have to worry about getting bugs to live on your body since I’m sure you’re already covered in crabs.” Haha, very funny. (You’re right.)
And here’s another picture of PHG and his brother having a light saber fight.
Since my brain is always set to “sucio” I would say, “I’d wish they’d take that sword fight to my mouth,” but gross. Not with Prince William holding the other “sword.” Now if it was Prince Philip, that’d be a different story.
Pics: WPA Pool, Getty @KensingtonRoyal