Halsey is one of the music industry’s most frequent red carpet messes, so it’s not a surprise that she would show up to the Billboard Music Awards last night in an outfit that says: “Book my stylist the next appointment at the nearest Pearle Vision.”
That bra is all kinds of tragic. It’s both too big and too small, like some kind of physics-defying underwire nightmare. If that bra could talk, it would beg Halsey to leave it at home and take a set of nipple pasties instead. On the upside, it is nice to see that someone finally purchased the most discounted bra from the clearance section of Ross. But don’t cry for Halsey’s bra. I see a bright future for it. I bet an agent has already signed it to appear as the uncomfortable before bra in an Ahh Bra infomercial.
You know that exactly 0.3 seconds after that headline was released to the world, all four Jacksons in the picture above received a “Hey, what’s up?” text from cash-sniffing bloodhound Jermaine Jackson.
Last year it was reported that Michael Jackson’s Estate has made $2 billion since moonwalking his way up to Heaven back in 2009. Now TMZ is saying we can go ahead and change that number to “nearly $3 billion.” Sony has recently announced that they’re buying Michael Jackson’s share of Sony/ATV Music Publishing for $750 million. Since MJ is dead, all the money goes to his estate, which benefits his children, Prince, Paris, and Blanket Jackson, and his momma, Katherine Jackson.
The reason for that huge-ass payout is because Michael Jackson owned 50% of Sony/ATV. That’s also where that whole “Michael Jackson owns The Beatles’ music catalog” thing came from. Not only did MJ make money off The Beatles, but he also owned 50% of the publishing rights to many other famous songs, including “New York, New York“, “Moon River“, “Jailhouse Rock“, and the Mission: Impossible theme. Sony/ATV has gone on to become the largest music publishing company in the world, so it makes sense that they wouldn’t want to keep handing over half of their profits to a person who has been dead for almost 7 years.
Along with a $750 million check, Michael Jackson’s estate will also get to keep all the songs he wrote and a bunch of others that he purchased while he was still alive.
Obviously at least a third of that money should be reinvested into La Toya Jackson’s…whatever she wants it for, really (don’t ask questions). But whatever is left over should be used to spend as they wish. Since Sony/ATV just turned the Jackson kids from “fucking super rich” to “really fucking super rich“, I think they should use some of that cash to change their names to reflect that. Prince Michael should change his to King, Paris can upgrade to France, and Blanket can now go by Cashmere Throw.
According to Page Six, Michael Jackson might want to take a break from teaching Jesus how to moonwalk in Heaven, because his son Prince is up to some hoodrat shit and needs a good ghost slap upside the head (don’t worry, ghost slaps don’t hurt). A source says that 17-year-old Prince Jackson has been seriously fucking up his ability to choose non-asshole friends by hanging out with trash brat Justin Bieber and his reading-challenged boxer mentor Floyd Mayweather Jr.. I believe that’s what is called a shitty influence sandwich.
Prince Jackson and Canada’s shame apparently live in the same Calabasas neighborhood, so they started hanging out with each other and are possibly “making music” together. I’ll go ahead and assume that’s a euphemism for something else, since we all know Justin Bieber doesn’t make music, he ruins it. The two are also hanging around Floyd Mayweather Jr., who is acting like a low-budget Oprah to the two by giving them life advice about lots of things, including women. Yes, Justin Bieber and Prince Jackson are getting lady advice from convicted lady beater Floyd Mayweather Jr. (I guess Mike Tyson and the ghost of Ike Turner were busy).
Prince Jackson currently gets $66,000 a month from his father’s estate, and something tells me that might be one of the reasons Justin Bieber has made him his new best friend. That shady toddler knows he’s one more private jet purchase away from doing Bad Boy commercials in Canada, so he decided to start surrounding himself with people who can afford to pick up the tab at Chuck E. Cheese every once in a while.
Ugh, this is all such a huge bummer. Hangin’ with Justin Bieber is a bad move on Prince Jackson’s part. Blanket, come get your brother before Justin Bieber starts rubbing off on him and he begins acting like an obnoxious jerk while recklessly spending his money on extravagant crap. “You say that like it’s a bad thing” says Unky Jermaine.
As if Jermaine, Janet, Randy and Rebbie aren’t injecting enough craziness into this insane saga, Prince Michael Jackson Jr. has popped up and is joining in on the dysfunctional family fun.
As Blanket Jackson sat on his satin bedspread, brushing his luscious mane while rolling his eyes at all of this stupid foolishness, Prince posted this group text on Twitter and a long statement directed at Randy Jackson’s lies. Randy Jackson said that he and the others didn’t gran-nap Katherine Jackson and weren’t purposefully keeping Michael Jackson’s kids from talking to her. Prince posted this text proving otherwise. And that charred plastic smell filling your nostrils is from Prince burning Janet by not calling her “Auntie.” Here’s Prince’s full statement and yes, he’s going hard:
I would first like to start off this tweet by thanking the fans that have always stood by me and my family, my dad really appreciated your support and I still treasure it to this day. As I am sure everyone is well aware of the events that have been going on. I have been holding off on backing up my sister and her tweets avidly because I was waiting for the time to reveal my side. As long as I can remember my dad had repeatedly warned me of certain people and their ways. Although I am happy my grandma was returned, after speaking with her I realized how misguided and how badly she was lied to. I’m really angry and hurt. The following image is of a group chat I had started to several family members. This group text message I had started was replied to but they didn’t know that I could see the responses. For this whole time, they denied us contact to our grandmother. “If you continue with your lies I will continue with the truth”
-Michael Jackson Jr.
This is what happens when 90% of the members of a family don’t have jobs. They have too much time on their hands, too little money in their wallets and they start scrappin’ each other for the family fortune. I watch Dallas, I know. Look at what they’re doing. They’ve forced poor Prince Michael Jackson Jr. to release a statement that sounds like it came out of Patrick Ewing’s mouth. Prince should be worrying about how to steal booze from the liquor cabinet like any regular 15-year-old (yes, I’ve always been a drunk) and he shouldn’t be worrying about UNCOVERING lies laid down by his own family members. Such drama. How dreadful.
None of this would have ever happened if Michael Jackson left everything to Bubbles and La Toya like he should have.