There is something seriously wrong with these pictures of Prince Hot Ginge and that bald one playing in their annual Christmas Eve football match in Norfolk. The universe can go ahead and suck on a stick of dried smegma, because it is absolutely not right that Prince William is wearing the white shorts while PHG is wearing dark shorts. The hell kind of backwards shit is this? How is a hard-up, desperate, perverted piece of trash like me supposed to get another serving of VPP (visible peen print) when PHG is wearing dark shorts? But yet there’s Prince William prancing around in white shorts and I don’t want to see that.
All I wanted for Christmas was a picture of PHG playing football in the rain while wearing white shorts. Is that so much to ask? Although, I do appreciate that it looks like he’s in the middle of doing the Single Ladies dance in that picture above. I’ll take it.
That ginger extremist who really wants Prince Hot Ginge to be king is in the news again, because he was locked up in the mental hospital. If he has access to a printer, he’s probably going to print out this Christmas card and forge PHG’s handwriting when he writes, “To my favorite person in the world, Love, your Ginger King” on it. I did the same!
Because the other British royals have already tweeted a picture of their annual Christmas card, PHG did the same and his isn’t some L.L. Bean catalog crap. People says that PHG’s card is a picture from September of him and 95-year-old WWII veteran Tom Neill at the 75th anniversary of the Battle of Britain. It’s one of PHG’s favorite moments of the year.
It’s sweet and everything, but I was hoping for something a little more holiday. A little more Christmas-ey. You know, I was hoping for a picture of him wearing nothing but one of those long upside down snowman sweaters with a hole cut out where the carrot nose is supposed to be. Or a picture of him with mistletoe dangling above his royal peen.
I mean, how am I supposed to fap to that picture?! Okay, why am I lying? I did. Twice. The second time was while fantasizing about a threesome in that cockpit.
You may want to ask a trustworthy loved one to stand on the opposite side of the room with a catcher’s mitt, because this piece of information is probably going to blow your mind and I don’t want it splattering all over the wall. Prince Hot Ginge and Pippa Middleton weren’t really photographed on a beach together. That was Photoshopped. You know, I don’t even know if it’s Photoshopped. It looks like they cut out a picture of him, cut out a picture of her, glued both to a background and took a picture of that. That is some master decoupage work.
The story about PHG and THE BUTT OF BRITAIN being secret lovers is about as real and believable as that cover. A source says that their parts have tingled for each other for years and they even fucked in the bathroom at Duchess Kate and Prince William’s wedding. But then they started dating other people and now that they’re both single, they started doing each other again.
Thanks to that beard and that wild, used-up copper Chore Boy hair, Prince Hot Ginge is starting to look like someone’s crazy drunk uncle who is always kicked out of bars during the day for barfing on the jukebox and acting a wreck, but I am 100% here for it. PHG is still in South Africa and today this happened during a game of rugby at Durban’s Shark Tank stadium.
Anybody with at least one working brain cell can see that PHG is just adjusting his jockstrap or chonies. Well, it’s a good thing that I don’t have at least one working brain cell, because I can clearly see that his royal crotch sword is sticking out. What’s weird is that the dude in front of him is just standing there. When PHG’s royal crotch sword sticks out like that, that’s your cue to get on your knees and let it knight you. Dude must’ve been too hypnotized by PHG’s majestic beard of fire to notice.
This highly important event happened a couple of days ago and I’m just posting about it now, because I’ve been mouth deep in a pool of Thanksgiving leftovers and booze while fucking my ear holes with my own fingers to drown out the sound of my family members fighting over everything. And I’m also just posting it now, because I was busy having some Photoshop fun with that screen shot of Prince Hot Ginge with his ass up in the air.
While those thirsty royal bitches Duchess Kate and Prince William spent part of their weekend refreshing Kensington Palace’s Twitter page to watch the favorites count on those pictures of Baby Princess Charlotte go up and up and up, Prince Hot Ginge was in South Africa doing some actual work! PHG did a four-day tour to South Africa and during a polo match on Saturday, he ate grass twice after falling off of his horse. Yes, my ass is jealous of that grass.
The best way to watch this video is to watch it with the sound on mute and “Pony” blasting.
The HELL is wrong with that horse? When PHG is riding your back hard, you enjoy the ride and keep him on you as long as possible. Who cares if the heat from his piping hot royal jewels burn through the saddle and char your skin? You keep on! I swear, that horse is an embarrassment. This would’ve never ever happened if I could shape-shift into a polo horse. (“Well, you’re already a horse’s ass, so you’re halfway there, bitch!” – you)
And here’s Saint Hot Ginge visiting a youth center in Cape Town today.
Today, I am that dude in the background patiently awaiting for Prince Hot Ginge to heat up every inch of his body by giving him an extra warm ginger hug.
As those royal lazies Prince William, Duchess Kate, Prince George and Princess Charlotte took the whole weekend off, the hottest benefits scrounger (copyright: Morrissey) in Britain and beyond went back to work in London after causing the streets of DC to fill with gallons of coochie cream. One of PHG’s favorite charities, Walking With The Wounded, ended their 1,000 mile marathon journey through Britain in front of his memaw’s city pied-à-terre, Buckingham Palace, on Sunday and he was there to cheer their asses on.
“Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you the reason why your coochies or b-holes or both are on fire right now!” – Jill Biden in that picture, obviously.
If you’re in the DC area right now and wondering why your down low parts are panting like a dog in the desert and why it feels like four thousand rays of piping hot heat are hitting you, it’s because Prince Hot Ginge is there. Walk by the Washington Monument and you’ll see that it looks more erect than usual. PHG is in DC for a quickie. He’s just sticking the tip in real quick. He flew into DC from England last night and he’s leaving tonight. PHG is in DC to promote the Paralympic-style Invictus Games, which is happening in Orlando, FL next year.
PHG first met up with Michelle Obama and Jill Biden for Slippery Nipple shots at a T.G.I. Friday’s in Foggy Bottom. (No, that’s not my nickname, it’s a neighborhood in DC. And yes, I made that shit up about them going to T.G.I. Friday’s. They went to Chili’s.) After that, Jill Biden and Michelle Obama gave PHG a tour of the USO Warrior and Family Center at Fort Belvoir in Virginia. While there, PHG met with wounded veterans, watched a basketball game and spoke. Here’s a compilation of important scenes from PHG’s visit:
When “Get Ready For This” played, I expected PHG to whip off his blazer and give someone a lap dance. He must’ve been all the way sober by then. PHG also met with President Obama in the Oval Office and Obama let him know that the White House will be painted a bright shade of ginger in his honor.
By the way, I’m typing this on a Braille keyboard, because I’ve had THAT PICTURE of Prince Hot Ginge taped onto my face since Friday. “Did you do something to your hair? You look so much better!” is what I heard all weekend from my family and friends.
The London premiere of the 24th James Bond movie, Spectre, happened tonight and Prince Hot Ginge was there, because DUH, there was an open bar and I’m sure the place was filled with stringy dishwater blondes he could make out with behind the concession counter. PHG brought along those other two, Prince William and Duchess Kate, because they never ever get out of the house and needed a date night.
Okay, maybe just one comment: Bury me with this picture taped to my face, please.
Pics: Wenn.com (Thanks to everybody who gave me this tip!)
I’ve had a dream that started just like this! You know, Prince Hot Ginge is just a regular ole’ construction worker and after he’s laid off, he has to bring in coins to pay his bills by stripping down to his flaming ginger bush for the locals. Only, in my dream, that doesn’t really make him money either so he has to step it up by giving naked lap dances to skinny fat American bloggers while they’re both covered in oil and Tom Jones croons in the corner.
Anyway, Prince Hot Ginge and Prince William once again shut up the haters who are always calling them privileged scroungers. PHG did himself up in hot scruffy construction worker drag and Prince William put a hairless white helmet on his hairless white head to do actual hard labor today. The BBC says that PHG and PW were guest stars on DIY SOS, a show on the BBC that’s devoted to fixing the homes of British families in need. The show’s cast and crew are currently turning a rundown street in Manchester into a community for veterans.
During filming today, Prince William picked up a roller and painted a wall, and Prince Hot Ginge picked up a tile (or a piece of siding or whatever that is). Yes, they probably dropped that shit as soon as the cameras turned off, but still. Thanks to Prince William and Prince Hot Ginge, that wall got painted and that tile (or whatever it is) got blessed by a ginger adonis. That house will forever stay warm thanks to the tile thing that was touched by PHG.
And in other PHG news, The Daily Beast says that a ginger supremacist was found guilty of planning to carry out a bunch of terrorist attacks that would eventually lead to Prince Harry becoming the ginger ruler of England.
After decades of perceived abuse for his red hair, Mark Colborne, 37, stockpiled the ingredients required for an arsenal of chemical weapons that he was planning to deploy against “blacks and Caucasian idiots,” officials say.
On behalf of his ginger “brothers,” the man’s ultimate aim was to assassinate Prince Charles and Prince William so that the British crown could be placed on the red head of Prince Harry.
Okay, I’m all for him trying to make PHG king, but he lost me at all that racism and mass murder shit. Um, couldn’t he just have started a petition on Change.org like a normal person?