Yesterday the TSA sent me a letter saying that I was put on the Do Not Fly To Florida list, and that could only mean one thing: The Invictus Games begin next week in Orlando, FL and Prince Hot Ginge will be there!
The Invictus Games were started by PHG, and they’re a Paralympic-style sporting event involving a bunch of countries. Since it’s happening in the US this year, Michelle Obama has been helping to promote it, and this morning, she tweeted a video of message and her and President Obama pretty much puffing their chests up at PHG. (Michelle Obama also showed off her impeccable teleprompter-reading skills in that video.) PHG answered back with help from THE QUEEN! THE QUEEN spit out a verbal eye roll at the Obamas’ threat and that was PHG’s cue to drop the mic. I’m jealous of the Obamas, because I wish PHG would drop his mic on me, and yes, that’s a euphemism.
— Kensington Palace (@KensingtonRoyal) April 29, 2016
I bet that clip was highly edited. I bet that in the raw footage, THE QUEEN takes off her earrings, kicks off her shoes and goes after the phone while swinging her pocketbook as PHG and her Corgis try to hold her back. Don’t come for THE QUEEN unless she sends for you!
And here’s PHG making chonies go BOOM while working a tuxedo at the BT Sports Industry Awards in London last night.
This morning, Prince Hot Ginge made a thousand British mums cleanse the ears of their children with holy water by saying the word “arse” during an interview on BBC Radio 2, and believe it or not, that’s not the biggest British royal news today. The big British royal news is that before Duchess Kate and Prince William hosted President Obama and Michelle Obama in their Ballard Designs-looking ass sitting room at Kensington Palace, they hid a plaque that they thought would offend their American guests.
The Sun (via The Mirror) says that below the painting behind Duchess Kate and Michelle Obama in the picture above is a plaque with the title on it. The title of the painting is “The Negro Page.” Not one of Duchess Kate and Prince William’s minions gave it a thought until minutes before President Obama showed up.
Prince Hot Ginge and that other one continued to work really, really hard for that taxpayer money today by playing with Star Wars stuff and meeting the cast at Pinewood Studios in Buckinghamshire. PHG and Prince George’s papa je’e met Mark Hamill and Daisy Ridley who are currently filming Star Wars: Episode Who Cares What It’s Called It’s Still Going To Make Forty Billion Dollars No Matter What. PHG also had a sweet moment with Chewbacca, and if I was into wookie-on-human-porn (Tip of the day: Don’t Google “wookie-on-human-porn“), I’d check myself into an insane asylum, but before I did that, I’d print out this picture, grab a tub of Crisco and lock myself in my bedroom for the next 4 hours.
One thing I learned from that picture is that if I want to get a sweet hug from PHG, I need to be over 7 feet tall, covered in mangy hair, smell like wet dog ass and have bugs living on my body. I better learn how to walk in stilts, spray myself with one of Justin Bieber’s cologne and go through Brit Brit Spears’ trash cans for cast-off weaves I can tape to my body. I hear you saying, “At least you don’t have to worry about getting bugs to live on your body since I’m sure you’re already covered in crabs.” Haha, very funny. (You’re right.)
And here’s another picture of PHG and his brother having a light saber fight.
Since my brain is always set to “sucio” I would say, “I’d wish they’d take that sword fight to my mouth,” but gross. Not with Prince William holding the other “sword.” Now if it was Prince Philip, that’d be a different story.
Pics: WPA Pool, Getty @KensingtonRoyal
Prince Hot Ginge is already back home in England after his charity trip to Nepal, but THE PALACE is going to squeeze as much attention out of that trip as possible, so new pictures were released including one of him and another dude handling a long, hard piece of semi-thick cut wood. Yes, that dripping sound you hear is me salivating while writing soft-core porn about a picture of PHG holding a piece of literal wood. You can officially label it as the sound of sad desperation.
When PHG was in Nepal, he assumed the position while pretending to be a tiger and he also visited sites hit hard by the earthquake last year. The Telegraph says that PHG didn’t only visit sites, he also helped rebuild a school and farm in a village that was torn apart by the quake. PHG and other veterans worked with Team Rubicon to lay down the foundation of a classroom and build a new farm with solar panels. Team Rubicon’s director of development claims that PHG wasn’t just there for a photo-op like SOME royals (I’m looking at you, Prince George) and he didn’t pose with the wood for 30 seconds before dropping it to take a helicopter ride to the nearest big city to party with a bunch of drunken tricks. Apparently, he worked and slept there:
“It was very much hands on manual labour – sleeping, eating and working out there with the other vets. Getting very much stuck-in as one of the team.”
Slept there too?! Don’t be surprised if you hear a news story about how a psychotic skinny fat American gay was jailed in Nepal after the people of a small village caught him fucking one of their mattresses. Hey, if you don’t want me fucking your mattress, don’t tell me that PHG slept on it.
Here’s a couple more pictures of PHG doing hard labor as well as pictures of him with the team who will compete for the UK at the Invictus Games in Florida in May.
Bless the kind soul whose idea it was for Prince Hot Ginge to bend over while trying to do his best tiger impersonation during a visit to the Bardia National Park in Nepal. I’m going to choose to believe that they knew that a picture of PHG looking like he’s happily presenting his hole to that WWF dude is just what many of us needed on a really ugly Monday. Thank you, kind soul!
The Invictus Games are happening in Orlando, Florida this May and Prince Hot Ginge is going to be there, of course. Since I want to breathe in the same air that PHG exhales, I tried to book a Southwest flight from LAX to Orlando on those dates, but when I entered my name into the passenger info, it said that it couldn’t process my order due to me being a crazy stalker bitch and then it automatically forwarded my browser to the website of the mental health facility nearest me. I don’t know what that’s about, but anyway, PHG was on Good Morning America today to talk about the Invictus Games and his other charity work with Robin Roberts.
PHG got into talking about his late mother Princess Diana and said that he hopes she’s proud of all the charity work he and his brother Prince William do. While talking about her, the raw emotions came out a little and he kind of got choked up. I wanted to let him know that he can rest his head on my buttocks… That was a Freudian typo. I, of course, meant to say bosoms and that shit makes more sense since they’re fluffier. I’ve been drinking a lot of soy milk lately. PHG also talked about how he can’t wait to be a daddy and that led to him talking about how he’s the King of Hugs and he’d rather hug than shake hands. You heard him!
“I can’t wait for the day. So, you know, it will be fantastic…. I’ve got a kid inside of me. I want to keep that. I adore kids. I enjoy everything that they bring to the party. They just say what they think. Everyone needs a hug every now and then and it just so happens that I’ve been told over and over again that I’m very good with hugs, which is great. Good at giving hugs. Fantastic. Being in the prince role, you’ve got to shake hands. I would choose hugging over shaking hands most of the time… with people I know. Before anyone gets ideas.”
“Before anyone gets ideas?” That idea has already been gotten. Although, it might be hard for me to greet PHG with a hug after his royal guards have tased me in the ass and hog tied me, but I’ll still try!
— Good Morning America (@GMA) March 18, 2016
And here’s PHG’s sissy-in-law Duchess Kate working hard at the opening of the new East Anglia Childrens Hospice in London.
Shortly after this picture was taken, Prince William and Duchess Kate flew off to Bora Bora where they spent 9 days resting their wrists in a spa because they strained themselves something bad while holding that umbrella and that clutch.
It’s truly hard to find good help who are grateful that they get to be in the presence of royal greatness and won’t bitch about trivial things like paying their bills and feeding their families. Can you believe that there’s people out there who are lucky enough to work for their future King and yet they’re threatening to strike because they may get a pay cut that’ll put them below a living wage? In THE QUEEN’s day, she would’ve punished those ungrateful peasants by turning them into human leather skin jackets for her Corgis to wear.
There is something seriously wrong with these pictures of Prince Hot Ginge and that bald one playing in their annual Christmas Eve football match in Norfolk. The universe can go ahead and suck on a stick of dried smegma, because it is absolutely not right that Prince William is wearing the white shorts while PHG is wearing dark shorts. The hell kind of backwards shit is this? How is a hard-up, desperate, perverted piece of trash like me supposed to get another serving of VPP (visible peen print) when PHG is wearing dark shorts? But yet there’s Prince William prancing around in white shorts and I don’t want to see that.
All I wanted for Christmas was a picture of PHG playing football in the rain while wearing white shorts. Is that so much to ask? Although, I do appreciate that it looks like he’s in the middle of doing the Single Ladies dance in that picture above. I’ll take it.
That ginger extremist who really wants Prince Hot Ginge to be king is in the news again, because he was locked up in the mental hospital. If he has access to a printer, he’s probably going to print out this Christmas card and forge PHG’s handwriting when he writes, “To my favorite person in the world, Love, your Ginger King” on it. I did the same!
Because the other British royals have already tweeted a picture of their annual Christmas card, PHG did the same and his isn’t some L.L. Bean catalog crap. People says that PHG’s card is a picture from September of him and 95-year-old WWII veteran Tom Neill at the 75th anniversary of the Battle of Britain. It’s one of PHG’s favorite moments of the year.
It’s sweet and everything, but I was hoping for something a little more holiday. A little more Christmas-ey. You know, I was hoping for a picture of him wearing nothing but one of those long upside down snowman sweaters with a hole cut out where the carrot nose is supposed to be. Or a picture of him with mistletoe dangling above his royal peen.
I mean, how am I supposed to fap to that picture?! Okay, why am I lying? I did. Twice. The second time was while fantasizing about a threesome in that cockpit.
You may want to ask a trustworthy loved one to stand on the opposite side of the room with a catcher’s mitt, because this piece of information is probably going to blow your mind and I don’t want it splattering all over the wall. Prince Hot Ginge and Pippa Middleton weren’t really photographed on a beach together. That was Photoshopped. You know, I don’t even know if it’s Photoshopped. It looks like they cut out a picture of him, cut out a picture of her, glued both to a background and took a picture of that. That is some master decoupage work.
The story about PHG and THE BUTT OF BRITAIN being secret lovers is about as real and believable as that cover. A source says that their parts have tingled for each other for years and they even fucked in the bathroom at Duchess Kate and Prince William’s wedding. But then they started dating other people and now that they’re both single, they started doing each other again.