Joey Fatone wasn’t lying when he said that NSYNC was not going to inject some hotness (don’t act like Joey Fatone thrusting his crotch ain’t the epitome of hotness) into the Super Bowl halftime show. Janet Jackson wasn’t lying when she said that she was not going to save the Super Bowl halftime show by popping up on the stage to pull a front panel on Justin Timberlake’s pants and reveal his pierced right nut. Sheila E wasn’t lying when she said that there would not be a Prince hologram during the Super Bowl halftime show. There wasn’t a Prince hologram, but there was a blurry ass Prince projection on a giant wrinkly sheet.
Prolific poet Ludacris once said, “I’ve got hoes, in different area codes (area, area codes..codes).” Well, 84-year-old Quincy Jones is living that piece of eloquent prose and has even taken it international.
Quincy did an interview with Chris Heath for GQ, and it’s a wild, messy ride (like the scene after Quincy and his 22 pieces have a group meet-up) from start to finish. Horny Ole’ Q gets into how he bought drugs from Malcom X , turned down Marilyn Monroe (uh huh), watched Ray Charles shoot heroin into his own nutsack (Ray’s not Quincy’s), always thought Elvis was a shit singer and was supposed to be at Sharon Tate’s house the night of the Manson Family Murders. (Why does every celebrity from the late-60s have a story about how they were supposed to be at Sharon Tate’s house that night?).
Quincy doesn’t only talk about the past, he talks about the now too, like how he hates Taylor Swift’s songs and how he’s got the United Nations of pepaw dicks.
Sinead O’Connor found herself on the receiving end of a $5 million defamation lawsuit from Arsenio Hall in May 2016 after she suggested on Facebook that Prince died from drugs that were supplied to him by his “bitch” Arsenio. She also alleged that Arsenio once tried to drug her drink at a party at Eddie Murphy’s house years ago. Initialy, Sinead responded to Arsenio’s lawsuit by telling “Arse-inio” to suck her dick, but only if he wasn’t “too busy sucking someone else’s dick.” Sinead’s feelings have now changed.
If I was in charge of the Prince tribute at the Grammys, I would have cut together a 45-minute clip package of Prince’s sexiest scenes from Purple Rain and Under the Cherry Moon, but that would have cut into Adele’s time cleaning up. So instead the Grammys paid tribute to Prince by getting pocket-sized hottie Bruno Mars to sing and wail on a guitar.
Bruno joined The Time, who opened the tribute with Jungle Love and The Bird, to sing a cover of Let’s Go Crazy. Bruno decided to dress up like Prince, and he went with the purple jacket/white lace ruffle shirt look. I was hoping he might strut out on stage in an assless yellow lace jumpsuit. Maybe he just couldn’t get enough butt-popping squats in before the show. If so, then he made a wise decision. After all, if you can’t do Prince’s ass the justice it deserves, don’t do it at all. There’s no half-assing it when it come’s to Prince’s ass.
Bruno did do Prince’s sensual guitar skills right. Just like when Prince put on a porny shadow puppet show with his guitar during the halftime show at the Super Bowl, around the 4:06 mark Bruno Mars teases the FCC by working his guitar like a pretend dick.
— V.C.I. (@VitoConte02) February 13, 2017
The end of Bruno’s performance gave me shades of a high school student in a homemade Prince costume about three seconds away from being dragged off the stage of the talent show and by a pearl-clutching Vice Principal. But I feel like that’s the sort of tribute Prince would totally be into.
Do you celebrate Christmas but don’t get a tree because your deranged cat always tries to take it down? Comedian Darrell Joyce has the answer for you! Get yourself a Princemas tree. Your cat won’t dare try to disrupt the sexy. The Princemas tree will get that pussy in control. (UPDATE: The Princemas tree actually came from the genius mind of Darrell Joyce’s friend Elisha. You can read her reason for creating that purple glory here.)
Even though Jehovah’s Sexiest Witness probably didn’t celebrate Christmas since he was a Jehovah’s Witness, Darrell still put together a gloriously purple Christmas tribute to him in his living room. Darrell posted a picture on Facebook of the reason why doves cry today (SPOILER ALERT: they’re crying because that tree is so sexy and so gorgeous). Darrell dropped in this caption with it:
Dig if you willllll the picture….
Who cares if the real Prince wouldn’t be half as tall as Darrell’s Princemas tree even if he wore 12″ platform heels and stood on four dozen copies of Vogue’s September issue! That tree is still a glorious purple wonder. Although, a Princemas is kind of dangerous…. Not only do you have to risk finding Santa Claus making out with it on Christmas morning, but imagine if you woke up in the middle of the night with the thirsties and needed to walk through the living room to get some water in the kitchen? Those piercing sex-me eyes on your Princemas would cause you to almost have a heart attack. You’d call 911 screaming, “My heart can’t handle the sexy of my Princemas tree!”
After the cut are a few more beautiful Princemas trees that Prince’s fans created.
Jay Z already has a pretty big pile of lawsuits sitting on his desk in his office at Tidal HQ. There are lawsuits from artists who claim they haven’t been paid by Tidal and a lawsuit that Jay Z was reportedly going to file against Tidal’s former owners. Now Page Six is saying that he’s in possession of a lawsuit from the late Prince’s estate for allegedly doing Prince dirty, business-wise, after his death.