When fifth-in-line to the crown Prince Louis arrived to St. James’s Palace for his Christening last week, his grand entrance wasn’t so grand. I was expecting some razzle-dazzle, like a Kensington Palace-branded t-shirt gun fired by Unky Harry. But all we got was Duchess Kate carrying a bundle of curtains with a sleeping Prince Louis inside, then later, a partially-awake Prince Louis. Obviously Prince Louis was saving the charm for the official portraits released after the show.
Prince Louis’ eyes aren’t closed because he’s going mimi times. They’re closed because the hideous sight of Duchess Kate’s Jessica McClintock circa 1984 puffy sleeves and the mutilated doves on her head is hurting his poor innocent eyes.
11 weeks after Prince Louis left the royal vagine and entered a luxurious world where he never has to worry about late-fees, parallel parking or pissing in the kitchen sink because his roommate has been in the bathroom forever, he has been christened. Prince Louis was christening at the Chapel Royal in St. James’s Palace in London today. Prince Louis isn’t even 3 months old and I already like him, and only because it was his first day at work as a British royal and he slept on the job. The only shit he has to give is the one he caca’d into his silk poopin’ bloomers.
It’s been about 13 days since the newest future The Crown character (he’ll be played by Sir Patrick Stewart in a onesie, and yes Sir Patrick Stewart will win an Emmy for it) exited out of Duchess Kate’s womb royale, and Kensington Palace has released two new pictures of him on Instagram and Twitter. Prince Louis is looking glazed in the eyes. Either Prince Hot Ginge is standing in front of him and he’s mesmerized by that glorious field of ginger magnificence, or he got high from the paint fumes as Auntie Pippa Middleton gave him a signature Middleton spray tan. That would explain why he’s looking red in the face.