Category: Prince George
Sorry, Duchess Meghan And Prince Hot Ginge, But Only FMs (Future Monarchs) Will Make An Appearance During THE QUEEN’s Speech
It was reported that THE QUEEN had a fucking time writing her annual Christmas Day speech, and not only just because she had one too many breakfast gins and Prince Philip kept saying to her, “Pull my finger, love!”, as his day nurse stood by with a clean pair of bloomers because the nurse knows that “pull my finger” usually leads to some sticky toffee pudding in the prince’s chonies royale. But THE QUEEN apparently had some issues with her annual speech because of three little things called “her grandsons scrappin‘,” “her ginger grandson and granddaughter-in-law BRINGING DOWN THE MONARCHY with their rebel ways,” and “everyone finding out that her youngest son is probably perv trash and is really bad at lying.” I mean, isn’t the royal family supposed to be masters at lie-telling and fooling the public? And Prince Andrew is embarrassing his family by being bad at it. For shame!
The Queen’s Speech (2019) doesn’t hit screens until Christmas Day, but because everything needs a trailer nowadays, the Palace has put out a teaser including a piece of what she says and a shot of her sitting next to frames that don’t have pictures of Prince Hot Ginge or Duchess Meghan in them. So is this THE QUEEN’s shady way of letting us know that those two ain’t shit to her since they’re eating moose poutine in Canada for Christmas instead of spending it with her? Or is there another totally different reason for why she didn’t include them. SPOILER ALERT: It’s the second one.
Princess Charlotte Started Her First Day Of School
This week, a whole lot of kids had to go back to school, and that included Prince George, who probably couldn’t help but wonder if a sweetly-worded letter to Great-Granny might get him an extra month of summer vacation. Sadly, Great-Granny is busy with more pressing matters, so it’s back to school for him! And this time joining Prince George at Thomas’s Battersea for the first time is his little sister Princess Charlotte. Somewhere in the Good Morning America studio, a producer just stared daggers at Lara Spencer and mouthed the words, “Don’t you dare ask where their tutus are.”
You Knew This Was Coming: Lara Spencer Apologized On Air About Laughing At Prince George Taking Ballet
Good Morning America’s Lara Spencer found out last week that laughing at a 6-year-old boy for taking ballet lessons isn’t something people are here for. And as Prince George quietly made a plan to imprison Lara’s living relatives when he becomes King and takes over America, many (including Debbie Allen, Chita Rivera, and Gene Kelly’s widow) defended male dancers, and so Lara pirouetted her ass into the damage control zone. And yes, Prince George would give that sad pirouette two thumbs down and off with ‘er ‘ead!
Lara Spencer Laughed At Prince George’s Ballet Lessons, And People Aren’t Having It
For a moment during yesterday’s broadcast of Good Morning America, Lara Spencer made sure the rest of her week was anything but good by laughing while reporting about Prince George taking ballet lessons. Something tells me Lara Spencer wasn’t laughing so hard when she was pulled into the Good Morning America producers office and told her to call up Megyn Kelly and ask her how well outdated beliefs go over in 2019.
Kensington Palace Has Shared Prince George’s Official 6th Birthday Pictures
Today’s bleak reminder that time is fleeting and goes way too fast is that it’s Prince George’s sixth birthday. And as usual, Kensington Palace has released a few pictures of Prince George in honor of his birthday. I wish Kensington Palace had also tweeted a note that they didn’t run these pics through some king of age progression app. Because in only 365 days, Prince George appears to have gone from someone who claps merrily at the sight of a choo choo train to a character from Riverdale Junior High.
Duchess Meghan Took A Break From Maternity Leave For THE QUEEN’s Birthday Extravaganza
It’s been one month since Master Archie was pulled out of Duchess Meghan’s body and began his completely ordinary life of never hearing the words, “Sorry, it declined. Got another card?“, sipping gin-spiked juice from his great-grandmama THE QUEEN on his third birthday, wearing the finest Mary Janes money can buy, and getting to call Prince Hot Ginge daddy. Meghan was resting her swollen parts while on maternity leave, but pressed pause on that for a second to do her job of waving and smiling at her subjects in a parade. No, the parade wasn’t to celebrate Trump leaving the UK.
The parade was to celebrate THE QUEEN’S birthday. THE QUEEN turned 93 on April 21st, but since she’s THE FUCKING QUEEN (I think that’s her official title, honestly) she gets two birthdays, and today is Trooping The Colour, the official celebration of her born day. There’s a parade, an air show, and THE QUEEN “inspects” her troops. It’s a shame that I’ll probably be dead when Prince George does his “inspection” of his troops, because you know he’s going to be brutal and order the be-footing of troops whose shoes don’t tickle his corneas with their shininess.