The Mirror is reporting that the only daughter of Prince William and Duchess Catherine is actually the most high-value child they have, and her worth is higher than her 5-year-old brother Prince George and her barely-out-of-the-royal-vagine younger brother Prince Louis. Little miss Charlotte may be the middle child, but she is stunting on both her brothers.
Happy Birthday to the only star that might one day eclipse THE QUEEN! It’s her great-grandson, Prince George, who could probably cut the royal line to rule the UK and pretty much the world in the next few decades due to his powerful style and potent sass. This fashion-forward, effervescent tyke is living his best life as he grabs the world by the face with his mischevious grin and royal splendor. (Note the hand in pocket. It’s becoming his signature pose.)
Dad and Mum (Prince William and Duchess Kate) have released the prince’s official 5th birthday photo and he’s the definition of adorbs. Few can work a Peter Pan collar with such confidence. This here’s one of em’.
When fifth-in-line to the crown Prince Louis arrived to St. James’s Palace for his Christening last week, his grand entrance wasn’t so grand. I was expecting some razzle-dazzle, like a Kensington Palace-branded t-shirt gun fired by Unky Harry. But all we got was Duchess Kate carrying a bundle of curtains with a sleeping Prince Louis inside, then later, a partially-awake Prince Louis. Obviously Prince Louis was saving the charm for the official portraits released after the show.
Most of them are staring up at the sky, because above them is a plane carrying a banner that reads: Sorry, Meghan, But Kate’s Dress Sold Out Before Yours. That explains why Duchess Kate is lighting up in the face like, “Check that, bitch, I’ve still got it!”
THE QUEEN wasn’t at her great-grandson Prince Louis’ hazing Christian ceremony yesterday, because well, she’s 92 years old and is tired of sleeping with her eyes open at yet another boring ass baptism. (Even the star of the show, Prince Louis, didn’t stay awake for that bore fest.) But THE QUEEN was back out there today at the 100th birthday celebrations of the Royal Air Force. THE QUEEN and the other ones (I cropped Princess Michael of Kunt out of that top pic because she’s Princess Michael of Kunt) took to the balcony of Buckingham Palace today to watch the RAF centenary, which she didn’t strain her royal neck to see, because she’ll watch it later on YouTube while getting drunk on sloe gin fizzes with her man.
Prince Louis’ eyes aren’t closed because he’s going mimi times. They’re closed because the hideous sight of Duchess Kate’s Jessica McClintock circa 1984 puffy sleeves and the mutilated doves on her head is hurting his poor innocent eyes.
11 weeks after Prince Louis left the royal vagine and entered a luxurious world where he never has to worry about late-fees, parallel parking or pissing in the kitchen sink because his roommate has been in the bathroom forever, he has been christened. Prince Louis was christening at the Chapel Royal in St. James’s Palace in London today. Prince Louis isn’t even 3 months old and I already like him, and only because it was his first day at work as a British royal and he slept on the job. The only shit he has to give is the one he caca’d into his silk poopin’ bloomers.
If you’re an Anglophile or a Royals stan (Britain not Kansas City), you watch The Crown and you’ve been witness to ALL the crazy drama, intrigues, decisions, scandal, and sacrifice that THE QUEEN (aka Queen Elizabeth II) has had to endure, withstand, and triumph over in her long career as HBIC: UK Edition. Plus, her husband seems like he can be a real dick sometimes. She puts up with a lot of shit! And we’re not even getting into what her kids, nieces, nephews, and grandkids got up to when they came of age. Hence, they have a big celebration at Buckingham Palace to honor her birthday. She’s 92 this year, and the parade in her honor is called Trooping the Colour. Basically, the British military puts on their butchest outfits, and marches/rides/flies jets by the palace to pay homage. The Queen responds by dutifully waving and counting the hours until she can get back to The Royal Recliner and continue to binge on The Great British Baking Show.
But this is probably the last year of the monarchy since Duchess Meghan wore an off-shoulder Carolina Herrera dress and her SCANDALOUS bare shoulders are going to destroy the crown!