In what I imagine is either a quest to get picked as the go-to stock picture for frames at the local Hallmark shop or another way to show they’re #justlikeus, Prince Charles& Co. released two family photos to coincide with his 70thbirthday today. Apparently, THE QUEEN did not get the invitation to the party!
If your British and want your powerless head of state to wear a “Bernie Bro” T-shirt and a #metoo pin, you’re shit out of luck with Prince Charles. Charlie somehow thinks he’s going to outlive THE QUEEN and have a shot at that throne, and he decided to let cameras follow him for a year to document how difficult his life is waiting in the wings. Charlie may be best known for his waiting game and for giving up the Princess Diana for Duchess Camilla, but he’s also an environmentalist and has used his title for a host of charitable causes. He says that goes out the window the moment he dons the crown. Ha!
We’ve all had a little too much and hallucinated some shit from time to time. Hell, I’m still not 100% convinced it wasn’t my childhood dog (who would be 35 today) standing outside the bar I stumbled home from last night. Kirstie Alley is apparently hard for a check and agreed to be in the Celebrity Big Brother house in the UK. In a moment of everyone’s favorite game of name dropping, Kirstie told her housemates how she’s friends with Courtney Love and that when she went over to her house for “snacks” one day, and met Prince Charles. Girl, what kind of snacks were those?!
When fifth-in-line to the crown Prince Louis arrived to St. James’s Palace for his Christening last week, his grand entrance wasn’t so grand. I was expecting some razzle-dazzle, like a Kensington Palace-branded t-shirt gun fired by Unky Harry. But all we got was Duchess Kate carrying a bundle of curtains with a sleeping Prince Louis inside, then later, a partially-awake Prince Louis. Obviously Prince Louis was saving the charm for the official portraits released after the show.
Most of them are staring up at the sky, because above them is a plane carrying a banner that reads: Sorry, Meghan, But Kate’s Dress Sold Out Before Yours. That explains why Duchess Kate is lighting up in the face like, “Check that, bitch, I’ve still got it!”
THE QUEEN wasn’t at her great-grandson Prince Louis’ hazing Christian ceremony yesterday, because well, she’s 92 years old and is tired of sleeping with her eyes open at yet another boring ass baptism. (Even the star of the show, Prince Louis, didn’t stay awake for that bore fest.) But THE QUEEN was back out there today at the 100th birthday celebrations of the Royal Air Force. THE QUEEN and the other ones (I cropped Princess Michael of Kunt out of that top pic because she’s Princess Michael of Kunt) took to the balcony of Buckingham Palace today to watch the RAF centenary, which she didn’t strain her royal neck to see, because she’ll watch it later on YouTube while getting drunk on sloe gin fizzes with her man.
Prince Louis’ eyes aren’t closed because he’s going mimi times. They’re closed because the hideous sight of Duchess Kate’s Jessica McClintock circa 1984 puffy sleeves and the mutilated doves on her head is hurting his poor innocent eyes.
11 weeks after Prince Louis left the royal vagine and entered a luxurious world where he never has to worry about late-fees, parallel parking or pissing in the kitchen sink because his roommate has been in the bathroom forever, he has been christened. Prince Louis was christening at the Chapel Royal in St. James’s Palace in London today. Prince Louis isn’t even 3 months old and I already like him, and only because it was his first day at work as a British royal and he slept on the job. The only shit he has to give is the one he caca’d into his silk poopin’ bloomers.