As we’ve heard throughout the years, the name Camilla Parker Bowles apparently sends THE QUEEN running down the halls of Buckingham Palace with her corgis if she hears her approaching, per a new book. The Daily Mail has another excerpt from Tom Bower’s upcoming biography on Prince Charles, and it sounds like when he wasn’t waging war with Prince William, he was taking it from his mother. Charles is beginning to sound more like the cuckold of Wales!
In my head, meals with the royal family revolve around whatever THE QUEEN is babbling about (depending on where she is in her daily gin progression) along with Duchess Kate and Meghan Markle throwing verbal daggers at each other, largely focused on which one was able to cause J. Crew’s website to crash that day over her respective coat selection. Alas, the real aggression might not be coming from the commoners. It could be from Prince Charles to his son Prince William. Continue reading
The British royal wedding of the century is still over two months away, but I guess the royals are not like my cousin who called me two hours before her courthouse wedding to say, “Bitch, I’m getting married at the courthouse in two hours, do you want to come or what?” Because they’re getting ready to send out invitations, and one of those invitations might not end up in The Original Fergie’s mailbox.
One British tabloid source says that The Original Fergie (seen above next to a dead turkey who crashed into a plate charger on her daughter Princess Bea’s head) was banned by Prince Hot Ginge from attending his wedding. Another British tabloid source says that PHG fought to invite his fellow ginger and won. What is the truth?!
Meghan Markle will officially join the British Royal Family in May 2018, but if you ask my ass, she officially joined this morning when she partook in the family tradition of wearing a stupid fucking hat to Christmas Day church service at St Mary Magdalene Church in Sandringham. Besides resisting the urge to slap Prince Michael of Kunt at THE QUEEN’s pre-Christmas lunch the other day, Meghan Markel’s biggest challenge as a royal was probably trying to stay the hell awake through Christmas church service today. Although, it’s probably impossible to fall asleep when your down-low parts are loudly singing HALLELUJAH over you getting to do Prince Hot Ginge on the regular.
Meghan joined PHG, THE QUEEN, Prince Philip, Prince Charles, Duchess Camilla and Duchess Kate at church this morning. Duchess Kate did herself up like a little rich girl from the 1950s on Christmas Day, and it was highly rude of her to wear that warm bear pubes hat on her head while her husband was probably suffering from hypothermia of the bald spot. Duchess Kate’s hat and coat were made by the Haus of Who Cares What Duchess Kate Was Wearing When Meghan Markle Was There. Because I know you care and really want to max out your credit cards while getting the exact look, Meghan Markle wore a $1,300 baby alpaca coat by Sentaler, $650 suede boots by Stuart Weitzman, a $1,400 Chloe purse and a fancy chocolate hat that looks like the poop emoji to haters, and like a fancy French version of the poop emoji (le poop emojé) to fans.
I didn’t see any pictures of Prince George and Princes Charlotte. They were probably busy doing more important things: commanding the stores to open so that they can return the dumb Christmas presents they didn’t want.
And here’s more pictures from this morning’s service including one of THE QUEEN blinding everyone’s eyes by looking like a regal naranja.
Open Post: Hosted By Prince Hot Ginge And Meghan Markle Going To Pre-Christmas Lunch At THE QUEEN’s House
Meghan Markle reportedly has to take lessons on how to act like a British royal, but judging by that picture above, she should be the one teaching Prince Hot Ginge a lesson. Specifically, a lesson on how to serve FACE while dozens of paps are snapping at you. Because while Meghan is delivering serene beauty-campaign-ready face, PHG looks like the cops just caught his drunk ass taking a dump in the bushes. And yes, I still would (no scat queen).
PHG, Meghan, Duchess Kate, Prince William, Prince George, Prince Charles, Duchess Camilla, Princess Beatrice and some others who don’t matter were all summoned to Buckingham Palace today for THE QUEEN’s annual pre-Christmas family lunch. The entire family showed up because: a) It’s their job and they have to. And b) Who wouldn’t want to snuggle on the floor of Buckingham Palace’s ballroom with a Corgi after doing gin shots with THE QUEEN?
But seriously, if THE QUEEN is anything like my abuelita, which she’s not duh, but if she was, she would’ve spent approximately 8 minutes at that little pre-Christmas lunch. As soon as the food was brought out, she’d make herself a plate and go to her room to watch her stories. But before she left, she’d tell everyone to leave her Christmas presents on the kitchen counter…and don’t forget to leave the receipt too, bitch!
Since Prince Hot Ginge wants nothing to do with the crown, I should remove it from my homomade (on purpose typo) PHG Real Doll during our “dates.” You know, to make the experience oh-so-realistic.
PHG did a long interview with Newsweek and he mostly talked about his charity stuff, but he also talked about how losing his mom at a young age really fucked with him, and he gave his thoughts about the future of the monarchy. He didn’t talk about Meghan Markle, but a “source” did and said that things are still new between them and if they get engaged, it won’t happen before the end of the year.
PHG says that his mom wanted him and his brother to live as normal of a life as possible, so he does his own grocery shopping and buys his own meat (wink win), but he also knows that he’s a prince and believes that his country and beyond still needs the magic of the monarchy.