That Duchess Meghan just can’t help herself. She always has to take the opportunity to shove the fact that she’s doing Prince Hot Ginge full-time into the jealous, unlucky, stupid faces of us PHG-heads. Did she really have to use Commonwealth Day to show us the hat she wears while “playing nurse” with PHG in their bedroom. How cold!
Today is Commonwealth Day, and you might be thinking that’s the day when royals flaunt their wealth in front of the commoners, and you’d be right. But that’s every day. Commonwealth Day is a holiday to celebrate all the traitors to THE QUEEN (aka the former territories of the British Empire). Commonwealth Day services at Westminster Abbey in London today brought out Meghan, PHG, THE QUEEN, and a bunch of other royals nobody really cares about.
When I heard Duchess Meghan and Duchess Catherine would end up spending Christmas together with THE QUEEN at her country estate, I figured their feuding would escalate to Kate snickering when Meghan sat down on a Whoopee cushion left on her chair, and Meghan would strike back by short-sheeting Kate’s bed. Alas, QE2 probably saw this coming and wasn’t about to have her Sandringham estate turned into hazing week at the Kappa Gamma house. Meghan and Kate were seen strolling en route to church looking like old chums, and The Sun’s creative writing interns say that wasn’t a coincidence.
On this Christmas Day (otherwise known as Annual Gross Lovey Dovey Couples Hijacking Jesus’ Born Day By Announcing They Got Engaged Day), Prince Hot Ginge, Duchess Meghan, Prince William, and Duchess Kate did their second annual foursome strut to St. Mary Magdalene Church in Sandringham, only this time they were all probably thinking to themselves, “Smile something extra to kill those goddamn tabloids rumors.” Why do I have a feeling that before their little PR sashay to church, THE QUEEN texted all of them and recited Rose McGowan’s speech from Jawbreaker when she said, “You all are going to walk into that church and strut your shit down the hallway like everything is peachy fucking keen, get it?”
In what I imagine is either a quest to get picked as the go-to stock picture for frames at the local Hallmark shop or another way to show they’re #justlikeus, Prince Charles& Co. released two family photos to coincide with his 70thbirthday today. Apparently, THE QUEEN did not get the invitation to the party!
If your British and want your powerless head of state to wear a “Bernie Bro” T-shirt and a #metoo pin, you’re shit out of luck with Prince Charles. Charlie somehow thinks he’s going to outlive THE QUEEN and have a shot at that throne, and he decided to let cameras follow him for a year to document how difficult his life is waiting in the wings. Charlie may be best known for his waiting game and for giving up the Princess Diana for Duchess Camilla, but he’s also an environmentalist and has used his title for a host of charitable causes. He says that goes out the window the moment he dons the crown. Ha!
We’ve all had a little too much and hallucinated some shit from time to time. Hell, I’m still not 100% convinced it wasn’t my childhood dog (who would be 35 today) standing outside the bar I stumbled home from last night. Kirstie Alley is apparently hard for a check and agreed to be in the Celebrity Big Brother house in the UK. In a moment of everyone’s favorite game of name dropping, Kirstie told her housemates how she’s friends with Courtney Love and that when she went over to her house for “snacks” one day, and met Prince Charles. Girl, what kind of snacks were those?!