Category: President Obama

Cross-Border Barbie And Ken Made An Appearance At The White House State Dinner

March 11, 2016 / Posted by:

The White House threw a special fancy dinner party for Canada’s Next Top Model Prime Minister Justin Trudeau last night. Because JT is the Prime Minister of Canada, they also invited a whole bunch of famous and semi-famous Canadians to join them. I say “semi-famous“, because I scanned the guest list and no where did I see the names Bert Raccoon or Friend Record, aka Canada’s most important A-list celebrities.

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Open Post: Hosted By Prince Hot Ginge In DC

October 28, 2015 / Posted by:

“Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you the reason why your coochies or b-holes or both are on fire right now!” – Jill Biden in that picture, obviously.

If you’re in the DC area right now and wondering why your down low parts are panting like a dog in the desert and why it feels like four thousand rays of piping hot heat are hitting you, it’s because Prince Hot Ginge is there. Walk by the Washington Monument and you’ll see that it looks more erect than usual. PHG is in DC for a quickie. He’s just sticking the tip in real quick. He flew into DC from England last night and he’s leaving tonight. PHG is in DC to promote the Paralympic-style Invictus Games, which is happening in Orlando, FL next year.

PHG first met up with Michelle Obama and Jill Biden for Slippery Nipple shots at a T.G.I. Friday’s in Foggy Bottom. (No, that’s not my nickname, it’s a neighborhood in DC. And yes, I made that shit up about them going to T.G.I. Friday’s. They went to Chili’s.) After that, Jill Biden and Michelle Obama gave PHG a tour of the USO Warrior and Family Center at Fort Belvoir in Virginia. While there, PHG met with wounded veterans, watched a basketball game and spoke. Here’s a compilation of important scenes from PHG’s visit:

When “Get Ready For This” played, I expected PHG to whip off his blazer and give someone a lap dance. He must’ve been all the way sober by then. PHG also met with President Obama in the Oval Office and Obama let him know that the White House will be painted a bright shade of ginger in his honor.

Pics: Getty

The DNC Will Tell Kanye West To Shut Up And Rap

September 29, 2015 / Posted by:

The current President of Delusion and future President of the United States, Kanye West, is supposed to perform at a Democratic National Committee fundraiser in San Francisco next month, because I’m guessing he’s going to try to destroy the Democrats from the inside so Ben Carson, the presidential candidate that makes his b-hole tingle, gets the presidency and will make him VP. Or better yet, Secretary of Sweatshirts. But Page Six says that the DNC is ready for Kanye and will tell him to stick to rapping and to keep his opinions about the country to himself.

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Luther The Anger Translator Made An Appearance At The WHCD Last Night

April 26, 2015 / Posted by:

We already know the theme of this year’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner was straight-up hotness, thanks to living boner maker Jane Fonda, but just in case we needed a reminder, President Obama brought out one of the hottest characters from Key & Peele, Luther the Anger Translator. If you’ve never seen Key & Peele and have no idea what I’m talking about, Luther (played by Keegan-Michael Key) is President Obama’s anger translator and it’s his job to translate what President Obama says into yelling and rage-eyes. It’s basically the long-lost son of Coach Hines and an eight ball mixed with the before stock image from a high blood pressure pamphlet at CVS.

I wish ‘anger translator’ were an actual job, because I can think of about 12 real-life uses for one. Like every time I try to return something at Sephora and they keep pressing me for a reason. It would be real handy to have someone behind me yelling “IT GAVE ME A RASH IN A PLACE I CAN’T SHOW YOU! THERE, YOU HAPPY NOW?!

I didn’t watch the whole WHCD because I had better things to do, ie. re-watching Super High Me and eating a box of Goo Goo Clusters, but I did catch some of it, like host Cecily Strong’s joke about Joe Biden giving a good shoulder massage (“Or as I call ’em, upstairs hand jobs. Wink!” whispered Joe Biden to whatever woman was sitting closest to him). I also saw a bit of Obama’s speech, and I guess so did Roseanne, because she pulled a Luther and went on a Twitter rant accusing him of stealing her jokes.

Here’s a bunch of the fancy-dressed famous types at the WHCD last night, including a very knocked-up, very Kardashian-in-the-face Naya Rivera, Chrissy Teigen looking like a sexy model at a goth car show, plastic feline-faced goddess Melania Trump and her partially-decomposing Christmas clementine of a husband, and Laverne Cox – as always – doing Beyonce better than Beyonce.

Pics: Splash

Madonna Says She’d Get An Invite To The White House If She Was More Like Beyonce

March 21, 2015 / Posted by:

Madonna recently did one of those 25 Things You Don’t Know About Me for UsWeekly, and sadly we didn’t get anything that shocking, like finding out that she doesn’t sleep in a solid gold hyperbaric chamber filled with purified ghost screams every night or bathe in the tears of 1000 virgin vampires, but we did discover that she’s never met President Barack Obama. “Oh, that’s too bad” though black Madonna (copyright: Madonna) as he pulled out his phone and pretended to accept a call from President Obama for the 17th time that day.

She also gave her theory for why that has never happened, and it involves not Beyonce. When asked: “Who do you most want to meet?“, Madonna answered:

Well, I’ve never met Obama. He probably thinks I’m too shocking to be invited to the White House. If I was a little bit more demure, if I was just married to Jay Z.

I have re-read that answer at least 10 times and I’m not sure if that’s Madonna being shady or truthful. On the one hand, that sort of sounds like how I would imagine Madonna would call someone a boring basic bitch. On the other hand, it sounds like Madonna being self-aware enough to realize that her hard-core commitment to crotchless leather panty couture might be a bit much for the White House. I’m going with shade, if only because Shady Madonna is my favorite Madonna.

But Madonna shouldn’t be bothered about not receiving an invitation to the White House from President Obama, because I’m sure if we did a little research, we’d find out he’s never actually invited Beyonce either. Beyonce’s visit to the White House probably happened because Beyonce just showed up to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue one day and instructed Blue Ivy to tell the Secret Service to let President Obama know that America’s Queen has dropped by for a visit.

Kanye West Swears President Obama Has Called His House

March 14, 2015 / Posted by:

During Kanye West’s lecture series on egotistical tricks with chronic narcissistic personality disorder at Oxford University last week (working title: Kanye’s Thoughts), Kanye claimed that he has a super-special friendship with President Barack Obama by saying “Obama calls the home phone, by the way.” However, during an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live! on Thursday night, President Obama sort of pulled a Mimi-style I don’t know him by saying that he’s only met Kanye twice and he doesn’t think he has his home phone number, thus confirming that Kanye is still a giant ball of delusional crazy and all is right with the world.

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