Category: Porn

Another Teen Mom Might Be Doing Porn

May 25, 2017 / Posted by:

A million years ago (in the 90’s, to be more specific), I knew a lot of teen moms growing up and none of them got paid to be on their own damn TV show. Honestly, the only checks they received came from WIC. That all changed in 2009 when MTV’s reality series Teen Mom introduced a bunch of girls with babies into our lives.

Fast forward to 2017 where one of the moms, Amber Portwood, may be following in fellow Teen Mom alum (and Dlisted patron saint of bad decision making) Farrah Abraham into the lovely world of having protein slurpees chucked into her face (AKA porn).

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The Ted Cruz Lookalike From Maury Is Going To Do Porn For $10,000

April 25, 2016 / Posted by:

I thought I had heard the most ‘Murican story last week when a 21-year-old mom went on Maury to prove that her man is the father of her son and ended up becoming a meme because she has the same face as Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz. But no, that story topped itself after Ted Cruz’s lady face twin was offered $10,000 to do porn and she took the deal. Thanks to the 2008 election, we got Who’s Nailin’ Paylin. And now thanks to the 2016 election, we’re getting ThrusTED: Cruzin’ 4 An Oozin’.

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Britney Spears May Have Added Porn To Her List Of Needs

March 12, 2016 / Posted by:

“Extra! Extra! Read all about it!” That’s me in a little newsboy cap shouting at you, our esteemed readers. I’m shouting because here at DListed, we bring you the finest news from the finest sources. We know what we’re bringing you is 100% (numbers not accurate) true and straight from the horse’s mouth. Like today. Today I will have you know that, apparently, Britney Cheeto Starbucks Uggs Babydropper Spears is addicted to internet porn.

According to The National Enquirer, Britney’s friends are concerned because she’s been burning through AOL internet time discs looking at people bumping uglies, knocking boots and putting D in P like no one’s business – which it isn’t! If a grown ass woman wants to spend the hours she has off from her lazy, lip-snyched show looking at porn, she can! This comes on the heels of Britney telling an audience at her show that she wants “a really hot nerd with a big dick.” Nasty talk like that can only be the work of internet porn.

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Who Doesn’t Love The Sound Of Porn Noises While Shopping For Laundry Detergent And Cupcake Wine?

October 16, 2015 / Posted by:

The answer to that headline question is: Lots of people, apparently. Weird, I know. And I felt like a picture of the Target Lady giving two imaginary hand jobs and one imaginary blow job was appropriate for this story.

Usually when I hear orgasm moans and “OH YES! OH FUCKING YES!” sounds at Target, it’s from someone’s mom losing her mind over Doorbuster deals on Dove body wash and Glaceau Fruit Water. But at a Target in Campbell, CA on Wednesday morning, the orgasm moans filling the store was from a porn that accidentally played on the speakers. Executives at Walmart are probably rolling their eyes at that, because yeah, Target may give you sounds from a porn, but if you go to any of their locations in Florida, you can see a meth head jacking off onto a shower puff while butt boning himself with a toothbrush.

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Miley Cyrus Has Entered A Film In The New York Porn Film Festival

February 10, 2015 / Posted by:

I’m sure your brain went straight to picturing a half-naked Miley Cyrus posing on the VHS cover of something called Horny Hillbilly Slutz, but I’m afraid it’s actually some artsy black and white artsy business that can barely be classified as porn. I know, what a bummer. I’m sure I speak for all of us when I say I was really looking forward to a scene between Miley and the moonshine delivery guy. “Hey y’all, I didn’t order no moonshine – but I will take a swig outta yer jug, if ya know what I mean. Wink! I’m talkin’ bout yer penis! Alright y’all, drop them trousers” [sexy banjo music starts playing].

According to E!, Miley has submitted a short film titled Tongue Tied to the New York City Porn Film Festival. Miley made Tongue Tied last year for her Bangerz tour, and it features everyone’s favorite amateur stripper chipmunk writhing around with her nipple bits covered in electrical tape. Festival founder Simon Leahy describes it as: “It’s a pop take on S&M. She’s starting to become more of a contemporary artist.” He then added “…and it’s great timing, because this was the first year we’ve featured entries from the rodent community. We also received a tasteful masturbation short from that horny lady squirrel from The Sword in the Stone.”

Here’s Miley’s porno, which is only a little NSFW:

It’s like American Horror Story meets attention-seeking art school student who just recently considered legally changing her name to “Blayde” meets Madonna: Truth Or Dare meets a gas station meth dealer’s home-made version of Fifty Shades of Grey. Which is to say, I didn’t hate it?

Here’s the future NYC Porn Film Festival award winner (Best Okay We Get It You’re Not Hannah Montana Anymore) at a Grammy party on Saturday night with her current photo-op contract piece Patrick Schwarzenegger:

Pics: Splash

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Porn Star Mia Khalifa Has No Love For Wheelchair Jimmy And His Cringeworthy DMs

January 27, 2015 / Posted by:

21-year-old Lebanese American porn performer Mia Khalifa is the most searched trick on PornHub, which is sort of surprising, because I’d guess that Carrot Top would own that title since I search his name on PornHub at least 300 times an hour hoping that one day a video worth fapping over will come up. Mia Khalifa’s claim to fame is getting boned in front of a camera while wearing a hijab. (“Mom, why didn’t YOU think of that?” – Kim Kardashian to Pimp Mama Kris) Mia talked about things with a Miami sports radio station (via ONTD) and no, they didn’t ask her how to perfectly achieve a manicured chola Groucho Marx eyebrow situation. But they did ask her if any famous dudes have ever tried to wet hump on her. Guess what? Some have. I know, finding out that famous dudes try to fuck on porn stars probably made your brain ooze out of your ear holes. It’s shocking. Mia said she wouldn’t name names, but then she pretty much named a name by saying one of the famous dudes who slipped a note into her DM box has a name that rhymes with “rake.” Yeah, it could be Jake the Snake or Drake Bell or Lake Bell or Blake Lively, but it’s obviously that thirsty bitch Wheelchair Jimmy.

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