Category: politics

Matthew McConaughey Expertly Dodges Questions About Running For Governor Of Texas

November 19, 2020 / Posted by:

Matthew McConaughey. Serious actor. Professor. Poet/Memoirist/Whatever that book was supposed to be. And possibly, one day in the future, Governor of Texas? Maybe. While some citizens of Texas might be thinking, “I guess that’s alright alright alright if no one else is available?“, Matthew might be tossing around the idea of one day running for Governor of his home state. But he won’t confirm it.

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Open Post: Hosted By The Taiwanese Politician Breaking Chopsticks With His Ass For Votes

June 14, 2020 / Posted by:

They say that politics are a pain in the ass––and for good reason. But when your entire platform is literally based around doing painful things to your own ass, you’ve reached a new level of dedication and will more than likely earn my vote no matter what.

A politician in Taiwan is taking his promises and putting them where it counts by offering to do some butt stuff with long pieces of wood in exchange for votes. While stranger things have happened, you’ve got to wonder how things might look if utensil-play became an actual requirement for determining the US President. Who would win? And would it matter?

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“Lady G” Is Trending On Twitter––And It Has Nothing To Do With Lady Gaga

June 6, 2020 / Posted by:

Well, well, well. what do you know, an anti-LGBTQ+ politician may soon get caught with his pants down and his butt covered with lube. Your wig probably just blew off with shock like Lindsey Graham’s during an (~alleged~) rough session. A very generous and giving gay porn star (is there any better kind?) is making claims that while Republican South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham votes against LGBTQ+ rights, he sexes up on gay male escorts.

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Cardi B Gets Real Political By Sitting Down With Bernie Sanders

July 30, 2019 / Posted by:

Cardi B has been dipping her toe into the political spectrum for a little while now. Previously she went off on the government shutdown when she let us know about how the people in charge needed to get their shit together. While the government is no longer shut down, the message to get shit together still stands–and so Cardi B has decided to really take a step further towards bettering our society. Recently, she sat down with Democratic Presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders to talk politics, because that’s where we’re at now. Why not? Like, we may as well?

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Taylor Swift Is Coming Out Full Force For Pride Month

June 2, 2019 / Posted by:

Ok, that headline is a bit misleading and I feel bad for it, because sadly Taylor Swift is not coming out full force for Pride by declaring her love for puss (as far as we know she’s still strictly dickly and only dabbles in her love for pussy via her cats Olivia Benson, Meredith Grey and newest addition, kitten Benjamin Button. Yes, I hate myself for knowing the names of Taylor Swift’s cats). So sorry, Taylor and Karlieshippers.”

But after months of speaking out for gay rights, Taylor is emerging as a full fledged LGBTQIA+ ally by kicking off Pride Month with a “stick it where the sun don’t shine” letter to Tennessee Senator Lamar Alexander in support of the Equality Act and a rainbow infused performance at yesterday’s Wango Tango concert. Taylor, you little ROYGBIV baby giraffe.

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Rosario Dawson Confirms That She And Cory Booker Are Together And In Loooove

March 15, 2019 / Posted by:

Step aside John F. Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe Jackie O – shit, OK – JKF and Marilyn and Jackie O, there’s a new celebrity couple on the political scene. Sadly it’s not a reuniting of the ghost of Tom Hayden and 1980s Jane Fonda in full-on spandex and double leg warmer workout video mode. It’s Rosario Dawson and Cory Booker, y’all! After a couple months of speculation, Rosario has confirmed that she’s sprung on US Senator and 2020 vegan presidential candidate Cory.

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