The most bullied person in the world Melania Trump is finally speaking out about that tacky as fuck Zara jacket that she wore in June during her visit to the facility housing children separated from their immigrant parents on the US-Mexico border. Melania gave an interview to ABC News that aired last night, and she was able to skirt around a few issues, including how she felt about Trump’s numerous affairs and that Access Hollywood “grab ’em by the Kit-Kat” tape. But one issue she did come clean about is THAT JACKET and why the crap she decided to wear it on her visit to the children’s detention center, when she should have just worn her 101 Dalmatians puppy fur coat instead.
The writers of Saturday Night Live must’ve been chilling out on a tropical beach somewhere sipping margis and jet skiing sans helmets ahead of scripting the premier episode of SNL, because during the past week’s political shit show in Washington, DC, the jokes practically wrote themselves. Most people tuning in last night were expecting a rip on the Brett Kavanaugh hearings, and last night’s Cold Open did just that, with Matt Damon stepping into the starring role of Brett “I Love Beer” Kavanaugh.
Just this morning, Sarah Jessica Parker officially endorsed Cynthia Nixon for Governor of New York. It took her a minute to make her approval Instagram official, but she got there. SJP may still have beef with Kim Cattrall but it seems that Cynthia is A-OK in her book. Phew, Cynthia can move forward now that she’s secured the only endorsement that counts (suck it, Oprah. Don’t nobody need you here!).
Poor Michael Cohen. He likely fucked up big time at work by botching the his assignment to shut down President Donald Trump‘s alleged ex-side piece, Stormy Daniels, with an NDA. I’m sure it’s not entirely his fault, his asshole of a boss probably didn’t give him the tools (poor Michael was scrounging around the backseat of his Subaru looking for loose change for that payout) or the authority (Donny didn’t sign, Michael should have told him it was an “autograph”) he needed to get an airtight NDA out of Stormy (stage name), aka Stephanie Clifford (government name), aka Peggy Peterson (pseudonym) aka Whatever Fucked Up Sex Time Name Donald Had For Her I Don’t Even Want To Know (pet name).
I no longer make the Chrissy Teigen face every time I hear Stacey Dash’s name pop up because what’s the point. Stacey’s gonna do Stacey and she’s made inducing cringes part of her brand. I’m not giving myself wrinkles on account of her. However! CNN reports that Stacey has filed paperwork to run for congress in California and when I read that news my face did do a thing but it was more of a bemused smirk with accompanying eye-roll. Oh that Stacey!
Melania Trump isn’t your typical FLOTUS. She’s been over it since before it began. There’s a reason that body double story had legs, it confirmed what we already know about her: She don’t want to be there. And ever since the Stormy Daniels story broke, she’s been making herself scarcer than hen’s teeth (or equivalently folksy Slovenian proverb). And so, according to The New York Times, she did what any normal rich lady would do in the situation. She hopped on Air Force one headed to the spa for a mani-pedi.