Poor Michael Cohen. He likely fucked up big time at work by botching the his assignment to shut down President Donald Trump‘s alleged ex-side piece, Stormy Daniels, with an NDA. I’m sure it’s not entirely his fault, his asshole of a boss probably didn’t give him the tools (poor Michael was scrounging around the backseat of his Subaru looking for loose change for that payout) or the authority (Donny didn’t sign, Michael should have told him it was an “autograph”) he needed to get an airtight NDA out of Stormy (stage name), aka Stephanie Clifford (government name), aka Peggy Peterson (pseudonym) aka Whatever Fucked Up Sex Time Name Donald Had For Her I Don’t Even Want To Know (pet name).
I no longer make the Chrissy Teigen face every time I hear Stacey Dash’s name pop up because what’s the point. Stacey’s gonna do Stacey and she’s made inducing cringes part of her brand. I’m not giving myself wrinkles on account of her. However! CNN reports that Stacey has filed paperwork to run for congress in California and when I read that news my face did do a thing but it was more of a bemused smirk with accompanying eye-roll. Oh that Stacey!
Melania Trump isn’t your typical FLOTUS. She’s been over it since before it began. There’s a reason that body double story had legs, it confirmed what we already know about her: She don’t want to be there. And ever since the Stormy Daniels story broke, she’s been making herself scarcer than hen’s teeth (or equivalently folksy Slovenian proverb). And so, according to The New York Times, she did what any normal rich lady would do in the situation. She hopped on Air Force one headed to the spa for a mani-pedi.
Happy Martin Luther King Day! Since we don’t have our own giant pile of racist garbage to deal with (/sarcasm), we must turn our attention across the pond to find some trash that needs throwing out.
Meet Henry Bolton and his lady love Jo Marney. According to Newsweek, Henry is the leader of Britain’s “far-right” UK Independence Party (UKIP) and Jo is a “25” year old “Presenter. Music Journalist. Model. Actor. Brexiteer” who was also a member of UKIP until she got busted sending racists text messages about Meghan Markle.
I think we can safely blame Trump for this whole Oprah2020 business. If we weren’t so starved for rational, impassioned and coherent rhetoric, we might have been able to simply appreciate Oprah Winfrey’s very good Cecil B. DeMille acceptance speech for what it was. Instead, people got so caught up with the idea of Oprah>Trump that they lost their damn minds.