Category: Please Report To The Devil’s Office

“A Dog’s Purpose” Premiere Has Been Shit-Canned

January 20, 2017 / Posted by:

A couple of days ago, TMZ posted behind-the-scenes footage of a dog actor named Hercules being forced to do a stunt he clearly didn’t want to do on the set of A Dog’s Purpose in Winnipeg. Someone shot video of Hercules’ trainer trying to put his scared furry ass in rushing water as one crew member said, “Just gotta throw him in.” Both the movie’s director Lasse Hallström (who claims he was not on set, uh huh) and one of its stars Josh Gad said they were grossed out by the video. PETA called for a boycott and the American Humane Association said that they suspended the rep who was on set. The production companies behind the movie, Universal and Amblin, kind of shrugged it off and said that Hercules and the other dog actors were all treated well. But yesterday, Amblin announced that they have killed plans for the premiere and press junket.

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And Now, A Depressing Story About Cruelty To A Dog Actor

January 19, 2017 / Posted by:

Milo & Otis was one of my favorite movies ever until a dark-sided cloud of kitten blood covered it after I read about how that more than a dozen kittehs may have been killed during the making of it. That little cutesy movie turned into a terrifying horror show real fast. Now, as far as we know, no animals were killed during the making of the new movie A Dog’s Purpose, but one German shepherd was definitely left traumatized after the poor pooch was forced into rushing water. Who knew that Michael Vick was now working as an animal stunt coordinator on movies?

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Oh Look, A Spoiled Asshole Pulled A Spoiled Asshole Move

January 5, 2017 / Posted by:

Justin Bieber shouldn’t even be allowed to adopt a factory-defected Hatchimal, but yet the new money Elmyra Duff keeps getting himself living and breathing toys that entertain him for a few seconds before he gets bored and tosses them off to someone else. If the Biebs and Parasite Hilton ever join forces, not only will the CDC have to issue several CODE REDS, so will the ASPCA. And every pet store puppy will try to hide in the nest of shredded newspaper in their cages every time those two dried drops of ass discharge walk by.

The Biebs abandoned his monkey in Germany, passed his pet hamster off to a random fan and gave a dog to his dad, who allegedly tossed the poor creature off of a balcony. And the Biebs earned another medal for committing a mean act of animal abandonment (Chris Pratt and Anna Faris will present him with the award at the ceremony) when he gave away his chow-chow puppy, a chow-chow puppy who was born with a birth defect and needs surgery.

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Anna Faris Didn’t End Up Taking Back Her Former Chihuahua After All

December 17, 2016 / Posted by:

Last month, Anna Faris and Chris Pratt showed the people that under those Botox-infused sweetheart faces and chipper smiles are two pet-abandoning monsters of evil!!!! Pete sees it, because if that isn’t a look that says, “Fake ass bitch, I know your kind…

Back in 2011, Chris Pratt was called out after he gave his cat away on Twitter, because apparently the pussy was old and was caca’ing all over the place. Anna was trying to get pregnant at the time so they were afraid of toxoplasmosis. Then last month, the owner of the Kinder4Rescue animal shelter in North Hollywood, CA shit on Anna Faris for giving away the chihuahua she adopted from them. Anna adopted Pete the Chihuahua from the shelter 5 years ago, and eventually gave him to a new home. Pete was found on the streets last month looking as crappy as Passengers‘ reviews. Pete was apparently emaciated. He was taken a vet who checked his microchip, which showed that he’s registered to both Anna Faris and Kinder4Rescue. At the time that Pete was found looking down and out, Anna and Chris were out of town, but they were working on sending someone to pick the dog up from the shelter. That didn’t happen.

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Anna Faris Faces A $5,000 Fine After Her Dog Is Found Starving On The Streets

November 22, 2016 / Posted by:

Anna Faris adopted a Chihuahua named Pete four years ago, and for some reason, she decided she didn’t want the pooch anymore so she found him a new home. Pete either ran away from his new humans or his new humans dumped him on the street, because he was found on Friday in a bad way. TMZ says that Pete was found wandering the streets and was all emaciated. Pete was taken to the vet and when his microchip was ran, Anna’s name and the name of the shelter she adopted him from popped up. The shelter, Kinder4Rescue, is pissed at Anna and slapped her ass with a fine for breach of contract. When Anna adopted Pete, she agreed to pay the $5,000 fine if she ever re-homed him. Most shelters want you to give the dog back to them if it doesn’t work out. This is giving me shades of Ellen DeGeneres’ dog adoption drama

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Hide Yo Daughters! Hide Yo Wives! You Know What… Everybody Should Just Hide, Because Josh Duggar Is Out Of Rehab

March 10, 2016 / Posted by:

And now you’re probably out of a monitor, because you broke yours after punching that picture of Josh Duggar’s “th-th-th-that’s all folks” face. It’s natural. We were all born with that instinct.

Around six months ago, the punchable potato Josh Duggar was sent to a Christian labor camp masquerading as a “treatment center” after he was caught trolling for side poon on Ashley Madison. Josh went there to cure himself of his sinful sinful addiction to loving porn and fucking. That was all just Duggar code for, “We need Joshie to go away for a while until everyone forgets that silly child touching and cheating stuff, so that TLC will give us our show back.” TLC pretty much gave them their show back, so now the factory-defected Mr. Potato Head doll can come out and pretend like his peen is cured from wanting to dive into cooch that isn’t attached to his wife.

Both Entertainment Tonight and People say that Josh Duggar has checked out of the bible-based rehab facility he was in for months. ET says that he left a few days ago and his “whereabouts are unknown.” Well, he’s either showing that praying away his desire to have sex for other than baby-making reasons worked and he’s screwing a pile of hookers in the room of a Comfort Inn somewhere, or he’s rehearsing the post-rehab interview he’s going to do with Megyn Kelly for Fox News. I’m going with the latter.

Of course, Josh’s wife Anna Duggar, who may be knocked up with their 5th child, has forgiven him and will take him back, because she’s been brainwashed into being Michelle Duggar 2.0. Which is why it’s going to be hard watching that inevitable Fox News interview. Anna is most likely going to silently sit there, blinking at Josh like a Furby on caffeine pills as he says that the power of God cured him of his dick’s need to wander….while he punches at his crotch because his dick keeps wanting to wander over to Megyn Kelly.

Pic: Instagram

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