Pink is back on the music scene, and, while she recognizes there are plenty of Tinseltown cat fights, her and Christina Aguilera’s pussies are quite content, thankyewverymuch. As all things seem to go these days, her get real moment stemmed from a Twitter troll. Everything these days comes from Twitter trolls. Racist shit, bullying, U.S. Presidential “diplomacy”…sometimes all in one Tweet!
You’ll find out in a moment how very fitting it is that that picture of mama and baby has been thrown under a murky brown filter. Pink announced yesterday on Instagram that the baby she has been growing inside her for the past 9 months has arrived. Pink and her husband Carey Hart both posted the same picture of Pink holding their second baby, a son, and let everyone know he was born on December 26th. And the name they wrote on the birth certificate is: Jameson Moon Hart. Well I just got a craving to pour some party juice into my morning can of ginger ale. Thanks, Pink and Carey!
Pink dressed up like a pregnant Stevie Nicks to announce her second pregnancy on Instagram. As far as I know, the White-Winged Dove herself doesn’t have any children. So this is an opportunity to see what that baby might have looked like. Either that or you can use it as a visualization of Stevie after having taken part in too many Burrito Dreams at her self-styled Fajita Round-Up restaurant. Btw, I’m referencing my favorite SNL impression of all time.
I assumed we were done with this mess as soon as hillbilly peacemaker Miley Cyrus chirped up on Instagram pleading for everyone to try to get along, y’all. But no, the online slap fight no one asked for continues. Yesterday, Pink celebrated International Women’s Day by tweeting the following message:
— P!nk (@Pink) March 9, 2016
Pink doesn’t name any names. But she didn’t exactly have to. The parts about “attention” and “tits and asses” were probably a not-so-subtle reference to Kim Kardashian’s and her attention-yanking plastic mommy selfie. After Pink posted her International Women’s Day pep talk, she must have read Kim’s essay about “empowerment.” Because she followed her note up with a tweet about being open to everyone’s feelings and opinions. But Pink made it clear that those feelings and opinions won’t change her mind. Well, proud slut Amber Rose is determined to change her mind. Or at least determined to start a sub-fight within this race-to-the-bottom nonsense.
I completely forgot about that movie where Goopy Paltrow plays a sex addict and that’s because my brain really doesn’t want to think about that flaccid pencil dick in a blond wig as a sex addict. I was reminded about it, because it comes out this week and Goopy was on Chelsea Lately last night to promote it. Because Goopy’s movie is about sluts addicted to ass, Chelsea jokingly said that she’s a sex addict in real life. In a hotel room somewhere, Chris Martin lifted his head up off of his side trick’s crotch and let out the cackle of all cackles.
Chelsea also brought up Goopy’s upcoming 41st birthday and when she asked her what she was doing it for it, bitch said, “This year it’s Chick-Fil-A and that’s it.”
CHICK-FIL-A! She would.
I would’ve guessed that out of all the fast food places, Fishsticks would want to eat at Long John Silver’s, because she’d get off from eating herself. But seriously, I doubt Goopy taints her pristine temple of a body with any kind of processed shit. What she meant is that the only thing she’s going to eat for her birthday is the filet of an endangered bald eagle chick. That’s what she meant.
Here’s Goopy and Pink and Carey Hart at the premiere of Thank You For Sharing in Hollywood last night.
Remember back in the olden days of 2009 when Kanye West was still an asshole and Taylor Swift wasn’t totally pull-your-pubes-out-and-eat-them annoying? Well, Gawker took us back there today when they posted a secret tape of Kanye being Kanye after his “Imma let you finish” moment at the VMAs in 2009. The leaked tape was secretly recorded at the Corner Bistro in the West Village right after the VMAs. It’s not confirmed that it’s Kanye on the tape, but it sounds like Kanye and listening to it made my ears barf out gay fish jizz, so it must be Kanye!
In the tape, that’s under a minute long, Kanye says some shit about Taylor Swift, MTV, Pink and then says that his mother died for this fame shit. It’s a mess, it’s all over the place and it’s typical Kanye. Kanye starts off by talking about why he snatched the mic from Taylor of Green Gables:
“I’m pushing the envelope! I wrote my fuckin’ ‘Run This Town’ verse for a fuckin’ month! When I heard Eminem’s verse on the Drake shit, I went back and rewrote my shit for two days. I canceled appointments to rewrite! I fuckin’ care! You know what I’m saying? And that’s what I’m saying. Because I did that, Taylor Swift cannot win over Beyoncé! Because I wrote my verse in two days, Taylor Swift cannot beat Beyoncé. As long as I’m alive! And if I’m alive, kill me then! Kill me then! As long as I’m alive, you gon’ have to deal with it. ‘Cause there ain’t gonna be no more motherfucking Elvises with no James Browns.”
He canceled dentist appointments for that shit! Taylor Swift cannot win over Beyonce, because he has cavities now since he canceled appointments and dental cleanings and shit.
And then he went in on Pink in the most hilarious way:
“It ain’t no love. What the fuck was Pink performing? Don’t nobody know that song. Pink performed twice! Two songs? How the fuck Pink perform two songs and I didn’t even get asked to perform “Heartless.” “Heartless” is the biggest song of the year! It had the most spins of the first quarter! I don’t know that Pink song! But I noticed that she’s pink! “
That last line should be the official tagline of cocaine. I want to cackle while pounding my head against a hard surface.
During the recording, a woman asked him why he’s so angry and he said, “Because my mother got arrested for the fuckin’ sit-ins. My mother died for this fame shit! I moved to fuckin’ Hollywood chasing this shit. My mother died because of this shit. Fuck MTV.”
I don’t even know. The audio is at Gawker and it’s a crazy, manic, mess. If you inhale hard while listening to it, you’ll get second-hand coke high. This Kanye’s ego on coke and massive amounts of delusion.