Because we here at Dlisted take the 2000-ish anniversary of the reboot of Jesus very seriously, we’re taking the day off to go to Catholic mass (read: find a liquor store that’s open because my stupid ass just realized that I’m mostly out of the nectar of the gods) and pray to our lord and savior (read: pray to God to have pity on me while I’m bent over a toilet and throwing up a vomit stream of rum and Snickers eggs).
So I leave you with these pictures of Dlisted’s lord and savior, Phoebe Price, demurely bending over as her dog Henry thinks, “For real, why me?“, during an Easter-themed photo shoot on the ho stroll. No holiday is complete until we’ve all seen pictures of PP serving up a double dose of freckled chicken paillard while gorgeously dressed for the season. I am raising several glasses to Jesus this afternoon, because if he never rose from the dead, the world would’ve missed out on these pictures of Chicken Cutlets bringing Easter glamour and beauty to the stroll. And in nearly every picture, PP’s adorable sidekick Henry Price is thinking to himself, “I really do blame you for this, Jesus.”
Those of you who are educated in the important subject of Phoebe Price may have figured that she’s in DC right now, because as the nation’s premiere seat filler, her services are needed at the inauguration. But I doubt they can afford her going rate (a ticket on Southwest and a food voucher to Dairy Queen), so instead, she delivered gigantic amounts of star power and glamour at the grand opening of World of Wonder’s art exhibit Surviving Trump: The Art of Resistance in L.A. last night.
Chicken Cutlets worked the ho stroll outside of the exhibit in a $10 million Cartier diamond choker (read: a $14 glass choker from Claire’s), a $3,500 custom-made Chanel catsuit (read: the back alley baby of The Slut Dress and a pair of Wrangler jeans) and a $12,000 shearling coat (read: a coat made from the skin and hair of the jealous bitches who die at the sight of her beauty). PP looks like she’s the star of a blaxploitation porn parody starring an all-white cast and my brain is trying to decide if that’s the look or not. And while my brain stains itself, I’m sure your eyeballs are straining themselves while trying to get a good glimpse of PP’s denim
camel chicken toe.
Because all of us at Dlisted (even our Canadian producer of foolery Allison) are spending the rest of today getting all-the-way boozed up on jug wine, vodka, gin, whiskey, tequila, Lysol toilet cleaner, Purell and any other kind of soul-numbing liquid that gets us through the holiday, we’re taking Thanksgiving off. Besides, we need all of our energy for when we have to grab a knife and rip a drumstick off of a turkey to battle our relatives when the wonderful topic of politics comes up. We’ll fight to the death, or until abuelita shuts everyone’s yelling holes up by reaching for her chancleta.
So for now I leave you with these festive and demure portraits of who the creators of the camera are most thankful for (because she’s been keeping them in business for years). Phoebe Price is showing you the correct way to eat pie. Eat it like you’re eating a dick.
Happy Skanksgiving, everyone!
We can finally move on from the stupid Taylor Swift v. Kimye battle, because there’s a new and more important feud to focus on and this one involves way hotter stars!
Dlisted Patron Saint and the international supermodel who is solely responsible for keeping the paparazzi industry alive has sharpened her chicken cutlet cheeks and is ready to cut a bitch for messing with her and her mom. Phoebe Price has come for actress Josie Davis (from Charles In Charge and Titans) for taking and posting the above picture on Instagram of PP wearing one of your church outfits while pushing her mother, Flora, in a wheelchair. Josie added the caption, “Here goes the neighborhood,” and well, there goes Josie’s career, because the Queen of Hollywood will ruin her!
Nearly ever national holiday, the hardest-working supermodel on the ho stroll and beyond, Phoebe Price, keeps the economy rolling along by putting on a designer bikini (hey, Walmart is one of America’s premiere fashion houses) and flashing her roasted and freckled Cornish game hens for the cameras. This past Memorial Day was no exception, and while many of us lazy bitches spent the afternoon sunning ourselves on our mom’s driveway while boozing it up with help from a wine can helmet, Chicken Cutlets actually did hard work on the beach in Malibu.
Since it’s election season, PP made her Memorial Day photo shoot so topical by posing with an official Trump sign that totally wasn’t thrown together in the car using an old pen and paper mats from the car wash. Does this mean that Jabba the Trump has won the highly coveted ginger poultry demographic and PP is officially endorsing him? Or is she just trolling for attention, which would be surprising since she never does that. Or is this a performance art piece and she’s showing us that she farts and queefs on Trump? Or is PP secretly working to destroy Trump and she’s hoping that she’ll seduce her way into his life with this hot photo shoot and then take him down from the inside? Just call her Ginger Hari. Yeah, it’s probably the last one and I totally just gave away her plan.
Disney has done two live-action Alice in Wonderland movies, a live-action Maleficent movie, a live-action Cinderella movie, a live-action The Jungle Book movie, and their live-action Beauty and the Beast movie comes out next year. They’re also working on live-action movies about Tinker Bell, Mulan, Aladdin and Cruella de Vil, as well as sequels to Maleficent and The Jungle Book. They’re running out of live-action movies to do and it’s only a matter of time before they stuff Andy Serkis into a Simba costume for their live-action version of The Lion King. But before they do that, they’re going to explore the possiblity of live-actioning The Little Mermaid. And by “explore” I mean try to come up with ways to femme-up Michael Phelps so he can play Ariel since he’s the only human fish who can do the swimming scenes.
Deadline says that because The Jungle Book has made $860 million worldwide so far, the head bitches at Disney are looking to do even more live-action movies of their animated classics. Disney execs were reportedly pitched a “new take” on The Little Mermaid and they’re talking to major producers about whether or not they should move forward with that idea. Um, don’t those executives know that we’ve already seen a “new take” on The Little Mermaid. It’s called fucking Splash.
Universal is working on their own Little Mermaid movie starring Chloe Grace Moretz.
If Disney goes through with a live-action Little Mermaid movie, the underwater scenes are going to be so CGI’d that it’s going to look about as real as a Kim Kartrashian Instagram picture. Shit, it’ll probably look less life-like than the animated movie it’s based on. But I am all for it if they cast Jon Hamm in the iconic role of the horny priest:
And this goes without typing, but here are old pictures of my choice for Ariel posing with Ana Braga:
Pics: Disney, Wenn.com