Category: Pete Burns

Pete Burns Has Died

October 24, 2016 / Posted by:

It’s official. “2016” is now the first definition for the word “WORST” in every dictionary. It has taken another one and this one hurts like a shank to the soul, and it took my eyes a long second to fully take in the words “Pete Burns has died suddenly.” But sadly for all of us, this planet is not a lot less interesting and glamorous, because Pete Burns died of a heart attack yesterday. Pete was only 57. Pete’s management released this statement about his death on Twitter:

rippeteburns2016

Pete Burns became a sparkling star of rhinestone-encrusted perfection when his band Dead or Alive got a #1 worldwide hit You Spin Me Round in 1985. (Yes, we should all brace ourselves for the inevitable “Dead or Alive” jokes. Pete Burns isn’t even buried yet and I’m sure he’s already practicing on spinning round in his grave.) Dead or Alive released several albums up until 2000. In 2006, Pete Burns found a new career as a reality show darling when he entertained the masses on Celebrity Big Brother.

Every plastic surgeon’s office should pour a bag of fillers in Pete’s honor today. Because Pete was very open about how his face was stretched and rotated dozens of times by a plastic surgeon. Pete is the original Kylie Jenner (Pete’s ghost needs to slap me for mentioning her name), because he confessed that he plumped up his lips so many times that they were in danger of getting amputated. The Sun says that that last month, Pete Burns talked about his surgeries on the show Celebrity Botched Up Bodies and said this:

“The number of surgeries I’ve had is probably 300. I hope when I’m 80 and I get to heaven God doesn’t recognise me.”

Pete could have gotten 300 more surgeries and God would still recognize him since he will always be unmistakable.

Rest in peace, Pete Burns. Thank you for the glamour.

Pics: Pinterest, Wenn.com, Splash

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Stunning. The End.

April 18, 2011 / Posted by:

One cannot begin to describe the Mr. Miyagi meets preschool craft hour meets Dutch lesbian house painter ridiculousness that exploded all over Pete Burns in London today, but it really doesn’t matter. Words are cheap (and so are fanny packs apparently since ho has two) when describing the beauty of Pete Burns. Just allow your eyes to skip along his scribbled BIC pen brows before falling past his silicone mound cheeks and landing safely on the pink leeches mating on his mouth. An art school could devote an entire course to Pete’s lip liner application. Perfection.

You know, Cher playing Rocky Dennis in Mask instead of Eric Stoltz sounds like a bad idea, but Pete Burns proves that it’s a beautiful thing. Pete can actually play both roles. He’s like a one-man production of Mask!

And now I’ll leave you to get lost in the gorgeousness Pete is serving up.

Behold, The Great Beauty Has Returned!

September 20, 2010 / Posted by:

The last time I caught up with the graceful silicone orchid that is Pete Burns, he was on his death bed and about to float down the eternal stream to heaven on his inner tube lips. Well, (NSFL) drop a log on the catwalk, because Pete Burns is back in a BIG way! Pete has got a new song, new lips (doctors had to amputate the old ones) and new face piercings! Although, I don’t know if those are piercings or steel rods keeping the air from seeping out of Pete’s face. Whatever you do, don’t pull them out or he might deflate like a party balloon and all the children will start crying. I mean, they’ll cry louder, because I’m sure they are already crying.

Pete and his on-and-off-again partner Michael Simpson took London Fashion Week by storm this afternoon at the Pam Hogg and Vivienne Westwood shows. The models should’ve quit their jobs and come out to watch Pete, because he’s the real beauty show.

Cheeks so erect that they give Phoebe Price’s chicken cutlets an inferiority complex… Exquisite eyebrows that look like the skipping trail to Venus… Lips so luscious and juicy that you just want to stick them between two English muffins and nibble…

When Pete Burns blows you an air kiss, you better take the rest of the day off, because it takes at least 10 minutes for that kiss to clear the gorgeous baboon anus on his face. Let’s all bow down!

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