Cleaning crews at The Beverly Hilton are probably still vacuuming up the shards of glitter that flew off of Billy Porter when he twirled in that amazing technicolor dreamcape, and are mopping up the Fiji water that people spewed out after realizing they were in the presence of the one and only Fiji Water Girl, and are disinfecting the floor after hundreds of people shit themselves as Baroness Jamie Lee Haden-Guest (seriously, she’s a baroness) sashayed onto the red carpet and they thought, “Damn, Brigitte Nielsen is looking hot after birthing out a baby!” People probably shit out everything in their system and are going to need some probiotics to get their guts good again. I see what you did there Queen of Activia!
It’s a bit redundant to say so, because aren’t all award shows just an excuse for fashion houses to clean out their local Fabric Barn and send a famous person down the carpet in more material than a 1980s canopy bed set? But the Emmys did see a lot of by-the-yardage last night, like on Jessica Biel, who said yes to a white Ralph & Russo dress. If you think Jessica and Justin Timberlake look like they stopped by the Emmys on their way to appearing on the top of a wedding cake, you’re not the only one.
Jessica Chastain, Lupita Nyong’o, Penelope Cruz, Marion Cotillard, and Fan Bingbing Are Doing A Spy Movie Together
Deadline says that next week, Jessica Chastian, Lupita Nyong’o, Marion Cotillard, Penelope Cruz, and Fan Bingbing will be the toast of Cannes when they reveal 355, their large-scale international spy movie. So it’s like the gritty, edgy baby of Atomic Blonde and Charlie’s Angels.
355 will feature all five actresses as international agents in a “grounded, edgy action thriller.” They’ll each play a spy from a different agency who gets together to form a global organization to take down a “very bad weapon.” The hope is to launch this as a thriller franchise, so the five women will be pitching the film to international investors in Cannes. The film’s director, Simon Kinberg, just directed Jessica in X-Men: Dark Phoenix. Rather than spend her downtime at the craft service table, she pitched the idea for 355 to Simon. I guess we know how well that went! Jessica says that she’s been wanting to get back in a female ensemble cast since she did The Help:
“I had so much fun working on The Help that I always wanted to do another female ensemble film. I love the Bourne movies, the Mission: Impossible films, and wondered why, except for Charlie’s Angels, there hadn’t been a true female ensemble action-thriller spy film. That got my wheels going, along with the idea of casting actresses from all over the world to truly make it an international project… Then I called all the women, told them what I was envisioning and that I wanted it to be a collaborative process, and how we would all create this together.”
Before you start to think 355 is going to focus on Jessica, she and Simon both say the idea is to give everyone equal screen time and develop each character. I’m sure part of that is to be fair, but I’m sure another part of that is because, if they pull this off, they can have 45 spinoffs and make everyone a crap-load of money. I’m sure Matt Damon would have a lot to say about women coming for that Bourne coin, but lucky for us – his lips are on strike! Halle-loo!
According to Deadline, the family of Gianni Versace have released a statement denouncing Ryan Murphy’s latest scandal-based television offering. Needless to say, they won’t be throwing an The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story viewing party in their mansion when it premieres next week.
Angelina Jolie Decided To Fulfill Someone’s Feathered 60s Fantasy Last Night (And Other Looks From The Golden Globes)
Almost everyone who walked the Golden Globes red carpet this year wore black to protest Hollywood’s sexual misconduct problem. One thing that wasn’t being protested was good taste. There were a lot of black velvet outfits on that red carpet. Sure, it’s a bit of an obvious choice, but a choice I was absolutely here for, because anything that makes my brain start blasting “Black Velvet” by Alannah Myles gets two thumbs up from me.
But some people went a little more experimental with their all-black interpretation. Like Angelina Jolie, who showed up to the Golden Globes in some goth Lawrence Welk Show realness by Atelier Versace. It’s a little Barbra Streisand at the 1969 Oscars, with a splash of 60s televangelist, all poured onto a fainting couch and garnished with, “But detective, I swear my husband was dead when I found him!”
The new trailer for the upcoming season of Ryan Murphy’s true crime anthology, American Crime Story 2: The Assassination of Gianni Versace, is finally here. I have a feeling Donatella Versace‘s long skeletor finger has raked itself across Ryan’s face and warned him to “keep it classy, dahling”. I know she’s not supposed to be the star but Donatella is clearly the funnest character up in this bitch. And if you’re competing with Gina Gershon and Maya Rudolph in The Battle of The Network Donatellas, bleaching Penelope Cruz’s eyebrows, slapping a blond wig on her head and saying “presto chango!” does not a Donatella make. It makes a weird looking Penelope Cruz with a bizarro accent. She’s still basically Penelope Cruz but with itchy looking contacts and hasn’t she been through enough already?