Category: Pay A Bitch

Brangelina May Have Tried To Skimp On Renovation Payments

August 18, 2017 / Posted by:

The ghost of Marie Antoinette is loitering around Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s 40-room French chateau these days cackling, “Let them eat cake in the dark!The Guardian (via Vanity Fair) reports there has been an ongoing home renovation dispute at Château Miraval…maybe Angelina has decided to embark on an HGTV career, since it doesn’t look like that Cleopatra movie is ever getting made?? Continue reading

In The Least Surprising News Of The Day, Tyga Still Owes Money On A Car

November 28, 2016 / Posted by:

This fucking guy. Just last week we brought you news that perennial broke-ass chump Tyga finally made headlines for paying a bill. But even that story was cushioned by a sweet new birthday lawsuit and now it appears we finally know what that is. via TMZ:

A guy named Alex Benedict is going after the rapper for failing to make his lease payments on a red ‘rrari 488. In the docs, Benedict claims they agreed to a deal back in May but Tyga didn’t pony up so he had the car repo’d TWICE. … Benedict is suing to get at least $150k in damages.

No offense to Alex Benedict, but he sounds like a sucker of the highest degree if he was able to get burnt ~twice~ by Tyga. I’m sure he was thinking he’d be able to get some of that verdant Kardashian green when Tyga inevitably stopped making payments, but so far that hasn’t worked out.

As we’ve seen time and time and time again, Tyga has a serious issue with chasing cars he cannot afford. He leases them, stops paying, gets dragged into court, and the whole thing begins again six months later. I’m not sure why every car dealership in the greater Los Angeles region hasn’t pasted his picture above a NOT NOW, NOT NEVER sign, but weed is basically legal there, so here we are.

All I can think is that for once I’m a little bummed that Tyga is one of those doesn’t-actually-rap-all-that-often rappers. He put out a mix tape earlier this year, so I’m crossing my fingers that soon he’ll be in a beef with someone and we’ll get to see some amazing third-degree burns from more accomplished artists. Not that it would be hard; his situation is so pathetic he’d get taken out by Teen Witch.

Pic: Instagram

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Sherri Shepherd Will Pay $4,100 A Month In Child Support For Lamar Sally’s Surrogate Baby

July 1, 2015 / Posted by:

And now for an impression of my greedy handout-seeking ex-husband.

Sherri Shepherd is now officially divorced from her questionably-employed gold digger husband of almost three years Lamar Sally. Unfortunately, she’ll still be reminded of him every month for the next 18 years. TMZ says that Sherri and Lamar have settled their custody battle over the surrogate baby Sherri tried to walk away from. Sherri has agreed to pay $4,100 a month in child support for Lamar Sally Jr. until he turns 13, at which point Sherri has to start forking over $4,600 a month. In total, Sherri is looking at saying sayonara to about $920,000. That sound you just heard was Lamar Sally Sr. yelling “Ka-ching!” while pretending to pull the handle on an invisible slot machine.

But Lamar may not want to celebrate just yet. TMZ says there’s a legal loophole Sherri will try to shimmy her way through in order to avoid paying him. Remember when Sherri claimed Lamar was a “fraud” who only wanted that surrogate baby for the child support cash? She can pursue that fraud claim, and if a judge decides that Lamar was being a fraud, she won’t owe him a damn dollar.

Of course, because we’re talking about Sherri Shepherd and Lamar Sally, the drama doesn’t end there. Sherri and Lamar put some embryos in storage when they were still together, and Lamar might try to get them unfrozen. Technically, Sherri wouldn’t have to pay child support for those babies. “Technically? I’m always up for a challenge” thought Lamar Sally, before he called up Nick Loeb and asked to borrow some signs.

Pauly D’s Baby Mama Is Revealed, And She’s Just As Elegant And Refined As You Imagined

October 23, 2013 / Posted by:

I know you spent the last 24 hours pacing the floor in anticipation and wondering when we’d finally get to see the classic American beauty that Pauly D made a baby with. Who would have guessed that his type would be ‘grimy Atlantic City version of Backdoor Farrah’? I know, we’ve all collapsed from shock (or for those of you who’ve had contact with The Situation, Toxic Shock Syndrome). Proving once again that everyone gets to set 15 minutes on the fame whore clock, we have a new extravagant jewel to help us to temporarily forget about the last one that rolled under the couch (Courtney Stodden, you’re fine; stay there till we need you).

Discovering the identity of a crusty piece of trash’s baby mama is kind of like 2013’s version of a Debutante Ball. Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m very proud to present to you all Miss Amanda Markert (is it market or marker? WHY NOT BOTH!) Miss Amanda is a proud alumnus of Hooters, a restaurant-slash-finishing school with a long history of producing classy sophisticated women for generations.

From what I’ve gathered in my rudimentary snooping as a slow-version Jessica Fletcher (aka reading TMZ), I can tell you the following:
1. She’s a college student who’s studying Forensics (something that grew out of a two-week TiVo obsession with David Boreanaz in Bones, no doubt)
2. She named Pauly D’s baby Amabella (I can’t I can’t I can’t)
3. She just wants to dress her baby in the finest accessories and costumes. You’re a millionaire, Pauly D: BUY YOUR BABY SOME EFFING COSTUMES ALREADY!

Since stone-cold dum-dums get together and bareback everyday, this shouldn’t really be news. HOWEVER, here’s what makes it juicier than a bottle of hair glue: Pauly D thinks Amanda Markert is an unfit mother because she worked at Hooters and has another child, so he wants full custody of Amabella (I still can’t). I know; a professional record player with Fraggle hair and a Dollar Tree spray tan is now an expert in parenting.

Pauly D needs to man-up and back a dump truck full of DJ Dollars into the driveway of her Egg Harbor, NJ duplex and make this whole mess blow over. The pictures of Rob Kardashian and Brody Jenner on Amanda Markert’s Instagram are very telling; I get the feeling that the longer she goes without child support, the sooner she goes on New Jersey local news to cry about how millionaire DJ Pauly D won’t buy her baby accessories and costumes (Fame Step.1), which then leads to interviews on national news (Fame Step 2.), and that of course leads to the greasy sleaze balls at Vivid knocking on her door with a cartoonishly-large sack of money to star in “I Had Pauly’s D” (Expert Fame Level COMPLETE).

(Pic via Instagram)

Jermaine Jackson May Have To Drive His New Ferrari To the Pokey

October 23, 2013 / Posted by:

Jermaine Jackson got some major side eye when he threw down over $160,000 for a Ferrari right before the courts stamped a big ass DENIED across the collective foreheads of the Jackson family and their lawsuit against AEG for the wrongful death of MJ. According to TMZ, papers have been filed by the The L.A. County Child Support Services Dept. asking for Jermaine to be held in contempt for non-payment of child support which could send his ass to jail for 20 days.

JJ has already paid back $80,000 in 2011, $33,000 earlier this year and has bestowed upon his children a whopping $85 on the $12,000 he still owes. Jermagesty (dear Lord, I can’t) and Jafaar’s mother Alejandra Jackson has gone as far as to have Jermaine’s wages garnished and I can’t blame her for even a second for being pissed that her ex-husband is tooling around town in a damn Ferrari while he owes her money. Hell, he could be driving the 1971 VW Beetle painted with red and black primer that had a massive exhaust leak and a “Save the Lesbians” sticker on the back that I had when I was young and broke as fuck and I STILL wouldn’t blame her.

If he needs some money, he can start by pawning some of that jewelry and listing that fanny pack on eBay with the hope his spirit animal in douchebaggery bids high.

(Pic via FameFlynet)

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