Comedy Central Is Scrubbing Out All The Paul Walker Jokes From Justin Bieber’s Roast

I always thought that anyone watching those Comedy Central roasts knows to leave their pearl clutching pearls in the jooree box, because pretty much anything goes and many of those hos who take the mic are out to shock and offend. I mean, during the Pamela Anderson roast, evil bitches made fun of God’s spirit sister Bea Arthur and I thought that was against all laws of everything. But I guess some jokes are too much for Comedy Central. During Saturday night’s taping of the Justin Bieber roast, which was the latest stop on his “I Swear I’m No Longer A Split Open Anus Wart” tour, seasoned roaster Jeff Ross and SNLer Pete Davidson both made jokes about Paul Walker’s death, because Ludacris, who’s in those Fast & Furious movies, was there. The Hollywood Reporter says that the jokes bombed and Ludacris was pissed. Here’s two of the jokes:

“‘Move bitch, get out of the way!’ is what Paul Walker should’ve told that tree. Too soon? Too fast? Too furious?” – Jeff Ross

“Just this past year, Justin got arrested for drag racing. Unfortunately, it wasn’t with Paul Walker. What? He’s doing great! He’s got a movie coming out!” – Pete Davidson

Jeff Ross also told a joke about Pete Davidson’s firefighter dad dying in the World Trade Center attacks, but these are the jokes that made Comedy Central hit the TOO FAR button. Those jokes won’t make the cut when this mess airs later this month. Comedy Central burped up this statement:

“Roasts often push the limits of good taste and we give the participants full rein to try things knowing we have the edit to shape the show. Sometimes the line is discovered by crossing it. The Paul Walker references will not be in the telecast.”

Jeff responded to his Paul Walker joke getting cut by making what sounds like another Paul Walker joke: “I was so in the moment, I don’t know what jokes hit.”

Since Comedy Central is editing out stuff they think is too offensive and crosses the line, I’m guessing they’re going to completely edit out Justin Bieber and his drowned long-haired guinea pig hair. Because his entire existence is offensive to humanity.

Pics: Wenn.com

Paul Walker’s Brothers Will Fill In For Him In Fast & Furious 7

After Paul Walker died, the producers of the Fast & Furious movies said that the 7th movie will go on, because it’s what he would’ve wanted and they want to pay tribute to him. Yes, because Hollywood movie producers definitely think of other humans before they think of the faucet that dribbles out money into their savings accounts getting turned off.

Paul Walker was in the middle of shooting scenes for Fast & Furious 7 (alternate title: THEY’RE MAKING ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE CAR MOVIES?!) when he died and he still had a few more scenes to shoot. The producers pressed pause on shooting and used the time to figure out what they were going to do. There were rumors that they were going to either write Paul’s character out or use a creepy CGI Paul Walker to complete the movie. They are going to use CGI, but they’re going to pair it with doubles played by Paul Walker’s brothers. The producers said on Facebook (via Vulture) yesterday that Caleb and Cody Walker (which sounds like the title of a hit Nickelodeon show about two twin country stars who take over their family’s cow milking business) have stepped in to finish their brother’s scenes.

The FAST & FURIOUS saga is about family. The characters are connected by the bond of family, and it is how all of us who have worked together for more than thirteen years feel about each other. It certainly defines how we feel about our fans.
Our family experienced an unthinkable shock in November. We had to take time to grieve Paul, the brother we love and lost, and to figure out if we should move on with our film.

We came together and all felt the only choice was to continue. We believe our fans want that, and we believe Paul would want that too. Paul had already shot his dramatic scenes and most of his action for FAST & FURIOUS 7, and it’s among the strongest work of his career.

We have resumed shooting and now welcome Paul’s brothers, Caleb and Cody, into our FAST family. Caleb and Cody are helping us complete some remaining action for their brother and fill in small gaps left in production. Having them on set has made us all feel that Paul is with us too.

Let’s hope that next year, Caleb and Cody are nominated for a highly-esteemed MTV Movie Award against Ice Cube and Kevin Hart for Ride Along 2: We’re Still Riding Along and WIN. The world needs another Ice Cube meltdown.

Vin Diesel Speaks At Paul Walker’s Crash Site

Oh boy. Normally I would be the first in line to make fun of Vin Diesel (there is so goddamned much to pick from, it’s like an all-you-can-eat buffet. If The Chronicles of Riddick is your starter salad, then The Pacifier is two trips to the waffle bar) but I cannot make fun of Vin Diesel this week. I can’t, because I know there will be a very special management position waiting for me at the Crocs factory in Hell if I do.

Paul Walker passed away on November 30th, and since then we’ve heard from his Fast and the Furious co-stars Michelle Rodriguez, Tyrese Gibson, and finally Vin Diesel let us know how he was holding up. Vin spent most of yesterday publicly mourning Paul Walker’s death, first via a Facebook message, then later appearing at the crash site to make a statement of thanks to the crowd. Vin’s voice is a little muffled in the video because he’s speaking through a police megaphone (why didn’t the cops bring him a karaoke machine to sing into instead? Missed opportunities) but The Huffington Post has transcribed what was said:

“If my brother were here right now and saw all the love that you’re bringing here,” he said. “‘If he could see for himself that all of you have showed up to show my brother love at this hard time, and that his family gets to see all of you show the love that you’ve shown Paul … It’s gonna stay with me forever. I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for coming down here and showing that angel up in heaven how much you appreciated him.”

There’s still a lot we don’t know about the cause of Paul Walker’s death; some reports are saying that the Porsche he was riding in malfunctioned, that they were driving too fast, and that the car shouldn’t have been driven. Either way, an autopsy is currently underway to determine the cause of death (I have no formal coroner’s training, but I’m going to go out on a limb and assume the cause of death was “fire”).

So basically, to sum it all up, everyone involved with the Fast and the Furious franchise is having a shit week and we should send good thoughts and jpegs of sleeping kittens their way.

The “Fast & Furious 7” Will Go On

The Hollywood Reporter says that Universal executives and the director of Fast & Furious 7, James Wan, had a conference call this morning to decide what to do with that shit. They were in the middle of shooting scenes in Atlanta and were taking a break for the Thanksgiving holiday. Paul Walker and the rest of the cast were supposed to fly back to Atlanta today to continue filming and after that they were scheduled to shoot scenes in Abu Dhabi in January. James and the executives had a meeting this morning, because everybody was asking (nobody was asking), “But what about that car movie?!”

THR says that Universal and James made the decision to not shelve the movie completely, but they did agree that they should press pause on filming since the crew and the cast need time to mourn Paul Walker and don’t really give three queefs about that Fast & Furious shit right now. They aren’t sure when shooting will pick up again. Since Paul Walker’s character is in a lot of the scenes they haven’t shot yet, they’re deciding how to re-write and rework the scenes.

In other Paul Walker news, the driver of the red Porsche Carrera GT has been identified as Roger Rodas, Paul’s friend and the CEO of his automotive company Always Evolving. Paul and Roger became friends because they both loved cars. Witnesses tell People that as the car show/charity event was ending, Paul and Roger took the Porsche for a joyride behind the Always Evolving warehouse in a business park. (Here’s a picture of Paul with the Porsche hours before the crash) The Los Angeles County sheriff said in a statement that speed was a factor in the crash, but a witness type says that they didn’t drive off recklessly since children were around including Paul’s 15-year-old daughter Meadow. Fifteen minutes after Paul and Roger took off, everyone heard a loud crash and we all know what happened next.

And in my post about Paul’s death, I forgot to include Vin Diesel’s tweets:

Brother, I will miss you very much. Heaven has gained a new angel. Rest in peace xxx

— Vin Diesel (@REAL_VinDiesel) December 1, 2013

Although I'm totally heartbroken to of lost a brother….I feel honoured and blessed to of known such a wonderful guy pic.twitter.com/Hu0dnHiCRC

— Vin Diesel (@REAL_VinDiesel) December 1, 2013

Yes, I read those tweets while listening to Vin’s cover of “Stay.” It’s the only way to read them.

Panty Creamer Of The Day: Paul Walker In Hawaii

This is the part of your day when you curse at your high school guidance counselor and the adults in your teen life for not telling you that being a professional oil applier is a career option. While some of you are making paper clip jewelry under fluorescent lights in your cubicle, this lucky soul is getting paid money to rub oil on car movie actor Paul Walker’s stomach during a photo shoot in Hawaii. John Travolta just fired his agent, turned in his resignation letter to Hollywood and signed up for classes at professional oil applier school. But he’d be a terrible, terrible professional oil applier, because he’d get fired ten seconds into his first job after telling his model, “The oil goes on much more evenly if I apply it with my tongue.”

Here’s more of Paul Walker rolling around in the sand during a photo shoot for Cool Water. COOL WATER! Cool Water, the perfect cologne for when you want to reek like the boys bathroom at a junior high school dance in 1990.

Pics: FameFlynet