Since she’s from Philly like yours truly (and we have the same birthday), Patti LaBelle is my favorite auntie in my mind. Her over the top penguin arm flapping, ninja star shoe throwing style of entertainment has been giving me my life since I was a kid. However, I never knew she had so many stories from her career and one story that I wasn’t expecting was how she got to slap Mariah Carey around back in the day. Well, maybe not slap her around like in a street fight but Mariah definitely caught Patti’s hands once or twice.
The Queen of Soul may have also been the Queen of Debt. Aretha Franklin died in August, and she obviously left behind a legacy of music. The tax man has a different way of remembering Aretha. The IRS now claims Queen Aretha owes millions in back taxes, and let’s just hope a planned tribute concert will put a dent in that pile of debt. Continue reading
Coachella? Never heard of her. Essence Fest, step aside. The biggest and baddest music festival of the decade will be held in next Friday in Detroit, and you’d have to beg, steal, or slap on a wig and borrow somebody else’s identity, if you wanted to attend. Aretha Franklin’s homegoing celebration is scheduled for August 31, and the lineup of artists slated to perform includes Stevie Wonder, Chaka Khan, Jennifer Holliday, Jennifer Hudson, Fantasia, and a slew of other superstars from the gospel, classical, R&B worlds.
Aretha Franklin did all us pupils at the Skewl of Camp a favor earlier this year when it came out that she faxed over her true thoughts to Dionne Warwick over some lingering beef from Whitney Houston’s funeral. The throwback use of communication would normally deter a normal soul from lobbying any jabs, but no-no, henny. Ms. Patti LaBelle is no normal being, and she’s regretting that gel manicure she got on Monday because it’s Wednesday, and she’s ready to (subtly) sink her claws in to Miss A-Screech-a Franklin. Continue reading
And yes by “sweet air kisses of love,” I really mean “butt burp bubble of hate.” Although, it seems like Patti LuPone can’t even be bothered with producing a fart for Trump.
If La LuPone ever had a filter to begin with, I’m sure it broke and flew out of her mouth decades ago when she belted out a high note. Patti isn’t one to hold back her thoughts on anything. Patti was on Show People With Paul Wontorek last month to promote her Broadway show War Paint and she took a moment to shoot out an anti-Trump river of pure fire that was so piping hot I’m surprised it didn’t charbroil Paul’s face and leave him looking like….well, like Trump. Patti called Trump a “fucking ass motherfucking asshole,” “a fucking nut” and “certifiably insane.”
At this past Sunday’s Tonys, Patti gave a CliffsNotes version of that rant.
“Chile, why is Aretha Franklin buying her lace front wigs from Ali Express,” asked every Black woman in America.
Now before we get into the hilarity, I know what you’re thinking: “Is Michael moonlighting as a Black woman today?” And the answer is no, my love. Instead he’s hired an actual Black woman. My name is Carla and like Michael and fellow owner of a vagina, Allison we’re cut from the same cloth—i.e., we pretty much binge eat every aspect of pop culture for you so you don’t have to. Unlike everyone here, I like my pop culture with a big messy factor and I’m so hoping you’re into some petty shiznit (that and outdated slang that reeks of an older millennial). I just live for the petty and it doesn’t get messier than covering the lives of our modern day soaps in the form of celebrity culture. I’m also heavily into BBC, using words such as “nookie” to refer to any vagina and making arbitrary references. I’m looking forward to underwhelming you with the power of my nookie, so let’s begin and get back to Aretha.