Category: Patricia Clarkson

Brigitte Nielsen’s White Hot Glamour Singed The Red Carpet, And Other Looks From The Golden Globes

January 7, 2019 / Posted by:

Cleaning crews at The Beverly Hilton are probably still vacuuming up the shards of glitter that flew off of Billy Porter when he twirled in that amazing technicolor dreamcape, and are mopping up the Fiji water that people spewed out after realizing they were in the presence of the one and only Fiji Water Girl, and are disinfecting the floor after hundreds of people shit themselves as Baroness Jamie Lee Haden-Guest (seriously, she’s a baroness) sashayed onto the red carpet and they thought, “Damn, Brigitte Nielsen is looking hot after birthing out a baby!” People probably shit out everything in their system and are going to need some probiotics to get their guts good again. I see what you did there Queen of Activia!

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Patricia Clarkson Said Justin Timberlake Has Big A Dick

June 29, 2018 / Posted by:

Patricia Clarkson is out here doing the Lord’s work, honey! And by that I mean she is exposing the peen sizes of Hollywood. Thank you! Thank you, Patricia! AMEN! Do a movie with Henry Cavill next! Please, I’m begging you!

Patricia was Watch What Happens Live! with Elizabeth Perkins last night. While playing a round of a game called: ‘How Big Was It?’ (us gays… always with the innuendo) Andy Cohen asked Patricia: “Who had your biggest chance of being your friend with benefits on the set of Friends with Benefits?” Patricia played Mila Kunis’ mom in the movie. Patricia took the opportunity to reach into her chest of secrets and pull one out tagged: Penis. Continue reading

Patricia Clarkson Has Feelings About Kit Harington’s Complaints About Hollywood Sexism

June 10, 2016 / Posted by:

Kit Harington’s official job is acting, but it seems like his unofficial part-time job is to expose the persecution handsome men like himself face on a daily basis. Kit’s previous revelations include the existence of a double-standard of sexism and objectification in Hollywood that he has experienced as a handsome man (like when people ask him to take his shirt off), and that calling him a hunk is “demeaning“. One person who isn’t exactly feeling sorry for Kit is Patricia Clarkson.

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What Could’ve Been….

May 29, 2013 / Posted by:

A couple of months ago, there was a blind item about a gayelle movie actress and a gay mostly-TV actor who were going to start double bearding for each other and most hos guessed that it was about Ellen Page and ASkars. It took 6 firefighters, 1 crane, 1 low-flying helicopter, 10 gallons of salt water, 12 taser guns and a pack of wild pit bulls to pull me off of my chair, because my b-hole puckered so much that I got stuck to my seat after thinking about the possibility of ASkars being a full-time gay.

But then this annoying thing called “common sense” took over and I realized that ASkars probably doesn’t have a natural craving for peen. Then I wondered what kind of publicist thinks Ellen Page and ASkars make a believable couple? Yes, they’re more believable as a heterosexual couple than Michele and Marcus Bachmann are, but so is a pink unicorn and a flannel-wearing beaver. Just look at these pictures of them “canoodling” at the premiere of their new movie The East in L.A. last night.

She looks like she’s tugging at her daddy’s jacket, because she wants him to buy her a Pink Panther ice pop from that ice cream truck over there and he’s looking at her and thinking to myself, “I’ve ejaculated things that are bigger than you.”

They so wouldn’t work as a believable couple. ASkars and that hot bitch Patricia Clarkson on the other hand….

B. Coop As The Elephant Man

July 31, 2012 / Posted by:

I went to Williamstown, MA a couple of weekends ago, because every now and again I like to trade in my nightly routine of getting drunk in my underwear on my couch for getting drunk in my swim panties on a patch of grass in the country somewhere. And I also went, because my gay gene compelled me to see a Sharon Tate-ized Leslie Bibb as a bimbo in a Neil Simon play. While I was there, some goat-footed, wheezy old theater queens (aka me in five years) in the lobby kept slobbering on and on about how Bradley Cooper has been a revelation during rehearsals for The Elephant Man. Then they said something about how B. Coop is only wearing old-timey chonies for a small chunk of the play. That was all I needed to hear to run to the box office and say, “One ticket for next week’s opening night of The Elephant Mens, please.” A bunch of whores had the same idea as me, because I was denied a ticket and told the entire run sold out in a quick second. Boo.

Well, now I’m really booing at not getting a ticket, because here’s some pictures of B. Coop pushing out some serious raw emotions in The Elephant Man and I need to see all this WTF-ness live and in motion. The dude who plays Joseph Merrick in The Elephant Man never wears prosthetics, because the playwright Bernard Pomerance wanted everything to be communicated through physical acting stuff. But I think Bernard Pomerance was a future see-er and just really wanted the world to see B. Coop making an “Andy Cohen rocking out to Journey” face, among many others. Just give B. Coop all the Tonys already.

Bonus: Here’s a picture of Bowie in a loin cloth as Merrick.

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