Firstly, allow me to say hello. Hello! My name is Kristian and this is my first day at Dlisted! I am a wannabe writer living in Toronto, who spends my time playing video games, smoking weed and making myself angry by reading the news before smoking even more weed. Now go look up some Jack’s Mannequin on AppleMusic and turn that shit up to eleven: it’s time to get 2006-level moody.
TMZ reports that a hacker by the name of Paytsar Bkhchadzhyan will be sentenced in federal court on Monday for digitally relieving Paris Hilton of $130,000 of her probably not that hard-earned dollars. She’s also been found guilty of siphoning nekkid pics of the early 2000s
SHIT girl from Hilton’s iCloud account. Continue reading
The Leftovers was a fantastic show (and not just because Justin Theroux’s character liked to jog). You would reason that an intelligent human being associated with such a quality show would have the taste NOT to ask selfie inventress and celebrity Trumpette Paris Hilton to marry him. Unfortunately, brilliance isn’t contagious. (Although, he’s a big mess himself.)
Speaking of contagious, Paris Hilton recently got engaged to Leftovers actor Chris Zylka. He proposed to her with a $2 million dollar ring that YOU KNOW her ass bought. Perhaps thinking of a certain ex-bestie wrapped up in tape and jewel-less in a Parisian bathtub, Hilton has hired 24-7 security to guard her ring. Safes? Has she heard of safes?
TMZ reports that Paris has around-the-clock guards posted at her home because of a recent string of burglaries, including one that occurred at her aunt Kyle Richards’ place. Paris is so nervous that someone will risk something communicable and snatch the rock off of her claw that she also has plainclothes security dudes following her at all times. Imagine you work at an elite Beverly Hills security company and your latest assignment is to guard Paris Hilton’s weddin’ finger? And reportedly they’re ALWAYS with her. Lord knows where that finger’s been (lately it’s been up Trump’s ass).
In her defense, Sofia Coppola made a whole movie about Paris’ house being burgled so she probably has legit reason to fear the worst. But isn’t that sort of item insured for theft? Didn’t Paris, I mean Chris keep the receipt?
And note to Chris: this is a good preview of the rest of your life (aka the three months your marriage will last until your bride has milked it dry for publicity).
Paris Hilton is supposed to be some kind of grown ass woman these days but it seems like she’s having a hard time letting go of the past. She disappeared for awhile and was blissfully absent from the public eye for several years only to reemerge when the she noticed that the atmosphere was hospitable for petty, egomaniacal, wispy haired people with namesake hotels, a penchant for revisionist history, manipulating the media and gaslighting their enemies. And so, much like a herpes flareup, Paris is back and it’s embarrassing.
Paris Hilton is a lot of things. A Princess? Sure. Polarizing? Absolutely. A Pioneer? Depends on who you ask. If you ask Paris she’ll tell you “well, like duh?”. Or at least that’s how she would have said it before when she was riding high as queen of dingbat blond heiress socialites. I’m not sure how she talks these days because like what is her deal now? She’s some kind of high society matron? So basically the same thing but with frumpier clothes and a holier than thou attitude? Got it.
The socialite of yesteryear, Paris Hilton, likes to take credit for a lot of the shit we do/endure these days. For instance, we can blame her for “That’s hot,” the annoying AF celeb inundation at Coachella, and Kim Kardashian. So it only makes sense that Paris is trying to take claim for another invention that isn’t exactly hers. Continue reading