Paris Hilton is a lot of things. A Princess? Sure. Polarizing? Absolutely. A Pioneer? Depends on who you ask. If you ask Paris she’ll tell you “well, like duh?”. Or at least that’s how she would have said it before when she was riding high as queen of dingbat blond heiress socialites. I’m not sure how she talks these days because like what is her deal now? She’s some kind of high society matron? So basically the same thing but with frumpier clothes and a holier than thou attitude? Got it.
The socialite of yesteryear, Paris Hilton, likes to take credit for a lot of the shit we do/endure these days. For instance, we can blame her for “That’s hot,” the annoying AF celeb inundation at Coachella, and Kim Kardashian. So it only makes sense that Paris is trying to take claim for another invention that isn’t exactly hers. Continue reading
Oh, what do we have here? A plastic container filled with expired leftovers from the mid-2000s that really should have been slipped into the trash years ago but for some reason continues to linger in the back of the fridge? Well yes, but it’s also a leftover that is just so sorry some recent gross ass-kissing comments went viral and made her sound like a terrible person. Heavens, we wouldn’t want anyone to think that about Paris Hilton, would we?
For some reason, the editorial board at Marie Claire still thinks it’s 2007, and it is somehow imperative to interview Paris Hilton for her “career,” which, last time I checked, these days simply involves pressing play on a Spotify playlist and leading the Conga line at a foam party in Ibiza.
Because you go straight to hell if you interview a lady celeb and don’t ask her about feminism and virginity, and we all know Paris’s stance on the latter, the interviewer asked her about the former. Her response was very Paris: Continue reading
I’m using an old picture of Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton as wax figures, because Lindsay has a better chance of getting Paris’ wax figure to show up to her party than the real thing. But what’s the difference really.
Many Chihuahuas look like they just watched the “bite the curb” scene in American History X. All traumatized and shit. That’s just they’re natural look, but Parasite Hilton’s latest living accessory is probably traumatized for real. You would be too if you were constantly dressed up in tragic raver toddler outfits and heard horror stories from the other dogs about “the closet.” That is the traumatized look of a chihuahua who has to listen to Paris’ stupid slutty baby voice day in and day out.
Phoebe Price, the Kartrashian/Jenners, the Vanderpump Rules tricks, the Bachelor cast-offs and every other reality mess must’ve been busy yesterday, because the paps took pictures of the original vapid fame whore leaving a restaurant in Beverly Hills with just one of her 6,983 dogs. Parasite bought the teacup Chihuahua a few months ago for $8,000 and I guess the poor thing is the new Tinkerbell (never 4get Tinkerbell), because Diamond Baby gets the honor of being whored out for the paps in rejected Punky Brewster outfits.
I don’t know what’s sadder: Parasite committing animal cruelty by making Diamond Baby wear that shit, or the fact that I actually like the name Diamond Baby. Hey, I like fourth-tier stripper names for dogs, which is why if I ever get another dog, I’m going to name it Cristal Chardonnay. And just like that, every dog shelter in the country has banned my ass.