Oh, what do we have here? A plastic container filled with expired leftovers from the mid-2000s that really should have been slipped into the trash years ago but for some reason continues to linger in the back of the fridge? Well yes, but it’s also a leftover that is just so sorry some recent gross ass-kissing comments went viral and made her sound like a terrible person. Heavens, we wouldn’t want anyone to think that about Paris Hilton, would we?
For some reason, the editorial board at Marie Claire still thinks it’s 2007, and it is somehow imperative to interview Paris Hilton for her “career,” which, last time I checked, these days simply involves pressing play on a Spotify playlist and leading the Conga line at a foam party in Ibiza.
Because you go straight to hell if you interview a lady celeb and don’t ask her about feminism and virginity, and we all know Paris’s stance on the latter, the interviewer asked her about the former. Her response was very Paris: Continue reading
I’m using an old picture of Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton as wax figures, because Lindsay has a better chance of getting Paris’ wax figure to show up to her party than the real thing. But what’s the difference really.
Many Chihuahuas look like they just watched the “bite the curb” scene in American History X. All traumatized and shit. That’s just they’re natural look, but Parasite Hilton’s latest living accessory is probably traumatized for real. You would be too if you were constantly dressed up in tragic raver toddler outfits and heard horror stories from the other dogs about “the closet.” That is the traumatized look of a chihuahua who has to listen to Paris’ stupid slutty baby voice day in and day out.
Phoebe Price, the Kartrashian/Jenners, the Vanderpump Rules tricks, the Bachelor cast-offs and every other reality mess must’ve been busy yesterday, because the paps took pictures of the original vapid fame whore leaving a restaurant in Beverly Hills with just one of her 6,983 dogs. Parasite bought the teacup Chihuahua a few months ago for $8,000 and I guess the poor thing is the new Tinkerbell (never 4get Tinkerbell), because Diamond Baby gets the honor of being whored out for the paps in rejected Punky Brewster outfits.
I don’t know what’s sadder: Parasite committing animal cruelty by making Diamond Baby wear that shit, or the fact that I actually like the name Diamond Baby. Hey, I like fourth-tier stripper names for dogs, which is why if I ever get another dog, I’m going to name it Cristal Chardonnay. And just like that, every dog shelter in the country has banned my ass.
Many last-minute attention whore dreams came true for Kris Jenner this year, all thanks to her annual Khristmas party. She got tons of attention by keeping Blac Chyna’s name off the guest list, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West temporarily killed those divorce rumors by taking an awkward family picture together and now this little crusty nugget. Paris Hilton went to Kris’ party and posed for a picture with her fame whore spin-off.
Yes, 35-year-old Paris Hilton has come all the way from 2009 to let us know that she’s actually really smart, she just played a dum-dum on TV. Paris dropped the sexy baby voice, ordered the hand servants to whip up her most responsible-looking ponytail, and practiced her sophisticated head nods for a >3 minute interview with Access Hollywood where she states her case.