Category: Paparazzi

Kanye West Wants A Judge To Take An Eraser To His Pap-Attacking Past

March 21, 2016 / Posted by:

Kanye West, seen above doing what looks like an interpretive dance called “The Finger and the Booty Ass Bitch” with a photographer at LAX in 2013, has a bit of a history with the paparazzi. Back in 2013, Kanye got in a bit of trouble after he angrily swatted at a photographer and put another one in a headlock. In 2014, Kayne plead no contest to getting handsy, and ended up with 24 months on probation and 250 hours of community service.

Ever since then, Kanye has been trying really hard to reform his image as a violent pap-slapping menace. Kanye is no longer the self-appointed leader of the celebrity civil rights movement. Kanye stops and talks to the paps now. He lets them follow his family around Disneyland. Kanye even breaks up pap fights with hugs. And now Kanye wants to erase the pap-attacking part of his permanent record. According to TMZ, Kanye has completed all of his community service (which was served at L.A. Trade Tech’s fashion school) and has come to the end of his 24 month probation, which means he’s now eligible for a do-over. TMZ says Kanye has recently filed papers asking a judge to expunge his record.

A judge will have to rule on it, but TMZ seems pretty confident his criminal record will be erased. And with that, Kanye will have officially passed the pap-punching torch to his sister-in-law, Kendall Jenner.

Two years ago, Kanye was swinging and screaming at the paps with more anger than the drunk girl who gets kicked out of the club before last call. Now he’s all Kumbaya with them? That’s a little suspicious. It’s almost like someone has cast a paparazzi-loving spell on him. Does anyone know if a student by the name of Kris Jenner was recently enrolled in Introduction to Dark Fame Whore Arts at the University of Southern Hell?

Here’s Kanye and the rest of the 2 Tacky Krew leaving Rob Kardashian’s fake (at least according to Radar) 29th birthday dinner at Nobu on Saturday night. And no, I can’t with Kanye’s Sharpie-covered high school baby punk jean jacket either.

Pic: Splash

George Clooney Might Sell His Fancy House In Italy Because There Are Too Many Damn Paps

July 2, 2015 / Posted by:

As if you couldn’t already guess from the hard-core through-the-glasses death stare he’s giving above, George Clooney isn’t crazy about the small army of paparazzi that hang around his Lake Como home. I guess some paps have pretty deep pockets, because even with the threat of a €500 fine, they’re still hanging around George’s house like Dina Lohan behind the delivery entrance of her local liquor store. Basically, they’re never going to leave, ever. So Page Six says George’s solution to his pap problem is to sell the house.

Sources say that George got an offer on his Lake Perry Como house for $100 million (it sounds like Dr. Evil is looking for a new evil lair) and he’s thinking about taking it. George bought his Italian villa in 2002 for about $10 million, which means if he sold it now, he could make enough money from the sale to buy a new boat and name it something better than “BOAT“.

But George isn’t going to leave Lake Comb-Over forever. A source claims George is “like the mayor of the lake” and that everyone loves him. So he’ll probably sell his house and buy something a little more private. That way, he and first lady Amal Clooney can still cruise around waving and blowing air kisses at the locals without the paps bothering them.

I’m still not sure why the paps need so many pictures of Dr. Doug Ross hanging around his Italian vacation home. If you’ve seen one picture of George Clooney in a casual button-up, you’ve seen them all. Are there not more in-demand pictures out there? What about hi-res close-ups of Channing Tatum jogging? Or Jon Hamm jogging? Or any hot guy jogging? Surely I’m not the only one who will pay top dollar (aka $20 on an Olive Garden gift card) for those pics.

Pic: Splash

Anna Faris Doesn’t Really Mind Being Followed By The Paparazzi

March 12, 2015 / Posted by:

And just like that, Kanye West made an enemy for life and his wife found a kindred spirit.

During an interview for this month’s issue of Health, one of the people I’m most jealous of in this life (married to Chris Pratt, hangs out all day with Allison Janney) Anna Faris confessed her true feelings about the paparazzi who follow her and her hot husband around. Normally, when a famous type talks about the paps, it usually begins with the words “Those scum-sucking bottom-feeding pieces of…” and ends with them mentally going to their happy place to cool down for a while. But not Anna Faris:

“I don’t know if my husband would necessarily agree, but most of them are pretty nice guys, just trying to make a living, and a lot of them are apologetic…if you’re nice to them. I think some celebrities are so mean to them and resent them so much. I mostly feel scared just going out without makeup on.”

Although she doesn’t love the idea of always being lurked by dudes with cameras:

“[Paparazzi] are a part of the job Chris and I don’t really understand, maybe because we both grew up in Washington State. We’re definitely thinking about moving away when we can, a few years from now. Maybe Northern California, or Oregon, or Washington. Chris is a country boy. He really wants land, and I do, too.”

Thank you for that visual of Star-Lord in a pair of country boy coveralls wiping the sweat off his brow in slow motion with a worn-in bandanna, Anna Faris, although I will be sad that there will be no paps there to capture such sexiness.

Here’s Anna in Health sort of giving me Cindy Brady sneaking onto Marcia’s fashion model photo shoot and working the hell out of it vibes:

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Dude Tries To Get Kristen Stewart To Autograph A Picture, Gets Cursed Out Instead

January 4, 2015 / Posted by:

The glum version of Anybody’s from West Side Story landed at LAX with her rumored partner in pussy Alicia Cargile on Friday and the paparazzi were waiting for her, because they’re true soulmates and a minute without blowing air kisses at each other is a minute not worth living. While KStew and Alicia waited for their car to get them, the paparazzi surrounded them and an autograph seeker tried to get her sign a picture of her with Robert Pattinson. The only thing Kristen Stewart wanted to sign was the guestbook at his funeral. She refused to sign that shit and he kept on, kept on. I don’t even know why he was so hard up for her autograph. He obviously wants to sell that shit on eBay, but Kristen Stewart’s autograph is really easy to copy. It’s just a purple devil Emoji followed by the words “Die, cunt, die!

At around the 1:29 mark in the video above, KStew tells him to, “get the fuck outta my face,” and I guess he heard, “fuck with me more please,” instead, because he kept on poking at her nerves and harassing her. Dude should quit the autograph hound business and go into selling timeshares, because bitch knows how to be persistent. Kristen Stewart’s rage simmered and for a second I thought she was going to bust out a reboot of this iconic moment in “celebrities at the airport” history:

Kristen Stewart never went crazy Bjork-style on a bitch, but I guess she was waiting for him to really set her off by saying, “Welcome to Bangkok L.A.!

Pics: Splash, Video via Gossip Cop

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Katy Perry Is Pissed At Australian Paps For Stalking Her On The Beach And Demanding Pics Of Her In A Bikini

November 22, 2014 / Posted by:

Katy Perry (seen above making the same reaction I make whenever someone says something insulting about my boo Bruce Jenner) is very pissed off at the paparazzi of Australia. Katy is currently down under on the kangaroo leg of her Prismatic Tour, and I guess she finished her vocal warm-ups early because on Friday she decided to take a walk on the beach. Once there, Katy says several paps started following her along the beach, demanding pics of her in her bikini and just generally being troublemaking assholes. So what did Katy do? Katy called them out on Twitter:

katyperrypaps

She also posted pictures of three of the dudes stalking her with their cameras, one of which sort of looks like the Australian version of Randy from My Name Is Earl.

I’m still confused as to why those persistent tricks needed a shot of Katy in her bathing suit so badly. Have they never seen a 30-year-old American woman in a bikini before? Or maybe those Australian paps heard a rumor from a talking wallaby that Katy Perry’s boobs are actually two Outback Steakhouse Bloomin’ Onions and they wanted to see the deep-fried deliciousness for themselves? But that doesn’t make any damn sense, because she just posted a pic of herself in a bikini to Instagram five days ago and her boobs looked totally normal. And also because there’s no such thing as talking wallabys, right? Australia, care to weigh in on this one?

And you know you’ve hit rock bottom as a pap when other paps are reading this and thinking “Begging for pictures of a girl in her bathing suit like a bunch of horny 12-year-old boys? Damn Australia, what happened? You use to be cool!

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