Hasn’t La Lucci been through enough?!!?!
The universe can go tongue fuck a sloppy ass, because it has not been good to flawless human diamond Susan Lucci lately. First, we were at risk of the sun never coming out again, because the sun only comes out to gaze upon La Lucci and she almost died last year! Second, she graciously volunteered her precious time by walking in a fashion show for the American Heart Association’s Go Red for Women charity, which she’s a spokesperson for, and La Lucci nearly broke her La Cucci when she went BOOM on the catwalk. The universe must be a Days of Our Lives fan.
The Billboard Music Awards were last night and if the red carpet is any indication, it lived up to it’s name because most stars looked as bored as can be. With very few exceptions, most of the night’s looks were uninspired and devoid of whimsy. Nick Jonas (above) looks like he just showed up for his shift at Applebees and still needs to go get his flair from his locker and take a quick shot at the bar before getting started. He’ll be with you in a minute, ok?
The 2018 TIME 100 Gala was held last night in New York City to celebrate Time magazine’s annual list of the 100 most influential people. And whether the people were influential or not, the red carpet fashion pulled from a variety of sources. Like Leslie Jones in Christian Siriano, who is giving you Grace Jones after stopping at Studio 54 while thinking,”I wonder what the rent is on this place? Do they pay monthly or yearly? You know what, hand me my coke spoon and purse, I’m leaving to pursue a career in commercial real estate.”
Padma Lakshmi, seen above looking all pregnant seven years ago, is currently hustling her new memoir, Love, Loss and What We Ate. We already know that Padma’s book contains a garden center’s worth of dirt about her messy relationship with her ex-husband Salman Rushdie. And now we know that she also gets into the “Who’s The Daddy?” drama surrounding her pregnancy.
The pinnacle of memoirs and memoir writing, Katie Price, has a new esteemed colleague in the world of celebrity biographies. Let’s give a warm welcome to Top Chef host Padma Lakshmi. That’s right! Give her a hand! Padma, please tell us about you, your life and the days of it. The New York Daily News got their hands on a copy of Padma’s forthcoming autobiography, Love, Loss and What We Ate.
The bulk of what’s been released has to do with Padma’s messy relationship with author and Taken villain-looking person, Salman Rushdie. She and Salman met in 1999 at a party when she was 28 and he was 51. He was also married at the time. Despite that, he wanted her body bad and chased after her. They eventually went out and she says they ended up sans ropas that first night. Of it, she writes, “At 3am, I woke with a start. I’m naked in a married man’s bed.” I can’t read that without going directly to the part in cinematic masterpiece, Obsessed, where Beyonce shouts “Naked?! In your bed?!”
Charli XCX, who you may remember as the Tai to Iggy Azalea’s Cher, has been slowly inching her way into the Red Carpet Fuckery Hall of Fame for a while now. She’s slithered onto the red carpet looking like sloppy n’ slutty Morticia Addams. She showed up to last year’s Grammys looking like a rode-hard put-away-wrecked Super Star Ken doll.
And last night she proved she still really really wants a permanent spot in the Most Committed wing by sashaying onto the red carpet of the amfAR New York Gala looking like a picture of your messiest cousin from her first wedding in 1992 right before she threw a glass of wine in the groom’s face during a slow-dance to “Secret Lovers.”