Ryan Reynolds has milked a lot of mileage out of Deadpool. He won the 2016 Critics’ Choice Award for Best Actor in a Comedy, two MTV Movie Awards, got himself a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and was nominated for a Golden Globe. But what Ryan really wants is an Oscar nomination. Oh, how Ryan would love to hear the words “Academy Award-nominated actor Ryan Reynolds” in all upcoming movie trailers.
The 89th Academy Awards are on February 26th, 2017, and earlier today The Hollywood Reporter claimed they knew who would be hosting Hollywood’s annual 4-hour wank-fest. THR says they’ve “learned” that the hosting gig for the Oscars is going to the other late-night Jimmy, Jimmy Kimmel. As it turns out, THR’s sources were right. Jimmy Kimmel confirmed on Twitter that he’ll be soon get fitted for a fancy new hostin’ tux. “Billy Crystal, passed over yet again” thought a bummed-out Billy Crystal.
— Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) December 5, 2016
Jimmy Kimmel Live! airs on ABC, and the Oscars will air on ABC, so it makes sense that they’d throw the job to someone already on ABC payroll. Jimmy also has recent major award show hosting experience: he hosted the last Emmys in September.
It was announced in the summer that Jimmy Fallon would be hosting the Oscars’ less-legitimate/drunk brother, the Golden Globe Awards. Having the GGs and the Oscars hosted by two Jimmys is good news for any dumb actors and actresses who will attend both ceremonies. Only one host’s name to remember! But how to tell them apart? Well, one will be grinning like a kid who just drank an entire pitcher of Kool Aid mixed with Red Bull. The other looks like your aunt’s boyfriend who always comes over to your house and heads straight to the toilet while shouting at you to be a sport and grab him a magazine.
The 8th Annual Governors Awards were held in Hollywood on Saturday night. The Governors Awards are the special, smaller Academy Award ceremony that are usually held in November to present honorary Oscars, like the one Angelina Jolie got for being a saint. Among this year’s honorary Oscar recipients was high-energy indestructible action film legend Jackie Chan. That’s right, Jackie Chan got an Oscar for being Jackie Chan.
62-year-old Jackie Chan is an acting monster. He started acting when he was 5 and has been in more than 200 films. Jackie has won a ton of Chinese film awards over the span of his career, but he’s never been nominated for an Academy Award. Although I’m sure if the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences had created a category for Best Actor Able to Look Charming While Taking Repeated Hits to The Body, Jackie would be neck-and-neck in Oscar nominations with Meryl Streep. Since that category doesn’t exist, I guess the second best way to pay tribute to his career is by giving him an honorary Oscar.
Jackie’s fellow 2016 Governors Award recipients included film editor Anne V. Coates, casting director Lynn Stalmaster, and filmmaker Frederick Wiseman. Jackie was presented his award by Tom Hanks, Michelle Yeoh, and Chris Tucker. I was hoping to read that Jackie Chan accepted his award by crashing through a skylight, back-flipping his way across the stage, and grabbing it from Chris Tucker’s hand with his teeth, but it looks like he accepted it normally. Here’s Jackie’s thank-you speech.
An added bonus to having an Oscar in his trophy cabinet: it can double as a splint the next time he shatters one of bones during an on-set stunt. It’s the perfect size to hold a busted femur in place and keep going!
Every year, there’s a little OUTRAGE!!! when actors and actresses get moved into different categories to up their chances of getting nominated and winning an Oscar. Some screamed “FRAUD!” last Oscar season when Alicia Vikander, who was the lead actress The Danish Girl, was put in the Best Supporting Actress category. That trick worked because she won. The Playlist says that Paramount is using that same trick to hopefully put an Oscar statue in Viola Davis’ hand.
Good for her. I see Emma Thompson and I are both writing Babs Johnson’s name on the presidential ballot come November. As reported by London Live (via Vanity Fair), The Grand Duchess of DontGiveAFuck-stan (Exhibit A: that outfit) was attending the British Film Awards when she was asked about this year’s pale and tragic Oscar nominations. Q: How would you solve the lack of diversity at the Oscars, Em? A: Kill em’ all and let Bruce Vilanch sort it out!
“Let’s face it, the Oscar membership is mainly old, white men. That’s the fact of it. So, either you wait for them all to die,” said before jokingly offering up another option. “Or kill them off slowly—I mean, I don’t know. There’s so many options, aren’t there?”
There really are – bludgeoning, stabbing, shooting, riding lawn mower, wedgies…(no, for real)
Nanny McPhee’s got a point despite her newly admitted tendency towards sadism. “Slowly?” Yeesh.
Emma also described the whole controversy as “hilarious,” noting that “it’s no change there. It’s not as if [the Oscar nominations have] ever been awash with people of color.” Emma doesn’t just throw shoes, she throws truth!
Check out more pics of Emma Thompson at the press night for Guys and Dolls at the Savoy Theater in London last month in the gallery.
Oh, the Internet will forever be a treasure trove of fuckery that continues to surprise me. When I woke up today, I didn’t think that I’d be staring at Kylie Jenner’s nalgas in ass-less latex chaps, but I did. I also didn’t think that I’d be reading a story about how Leonardo DiCaprio gets raped twice by a bear in The Revenant. An actual bear. You know, the kind of bear that goes “grrr.” Bad example. The kind of bear that is really furry and big. Another bad example. Okay, Smokey the Bear. Like that kind of bear. The rumor about Leo getting butt fucked by a bear started when The Drudge Report sounded the alarm and delivered this headline that made us all say, “Damn, Leonardo DiCaprio’s Oscar game is no joke this year!”
Well, thankfully Whoopi Goldberg doesn’t have to discuss bear rape on The View tomorrow morning, because (SPOILER ALERT) that doesn’t happen in the movie. After Drudge’s story went viral, Fox released a statement to Entertainment Weekly saying that no bear rapes Leonardo DiCaprio in The Revenant. The bear is a lady bear and she attacks Leonardo because she thinks her cubs are in danger. She probably saw Leo’s raggedy beard and thought he was eating one of her cubs alive.
“As anyone who has seen the movie can attest, the bear in the film is a female who attacks Hugh Glass because she feels he might be threatening her cubs. There is clearly no rape scene with a bear.”
And well this goes without saying, but that CGI bear is probably going to get an Oscar before Leonardo DiCaprio does.